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#1
Dec 12, 2015, 01:19 AM
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I don't know my significant other/bf anymore. He used to be my best friend and the fullfiller of of ALL my emotional and physical needs and now he has placed himself at odds with me...like he is my enemy. At one time he did so much to help me and now its like he is trying to undo every good thing he ever did. I thought he was the best thing that ever happened to me and I never dreamed I would ever feel this way about him...I feel so lost and disappointed. I am so ready to give up on the idea that love exists at all...
__________________
CaptainChaos 
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 Anonymous35113, avlady, Elektra_
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#2
Dec 12, 2015, 07:23 AM
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I'm sorry. Can you explain what happened?
No one person can give us everything we need so it's good to branch out and have different people in our lives who can meet our needs.
__________________
Will work for bananas.
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| avlady
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 DBTDiva
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#3
Dec 12, 2015, 02:33 PM
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Quote:
Also, your bf may be worn out emotionally. IDK what is going on between the two of you or how his behaviour has changed that has you feeling sorta deserted or sthg, but I do know this: It is bloody exhausting being someone's EVERYTHING. No matter how much you love them, it can wear one down to a nub if your loved one has no other avenue of emotional energy and validation. Oh hell I am saying all this very badly but: try taking inventory of the emotions you are both putting out there, and talking about your expectations. It can be truly impossible to live up to meeting someone's every need all the time. Best to you! |
| avlady
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| chorleyb
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#4
Dec 12, 2015, 02:43 PM
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you need to know each others expectations and how to be able to cope and meet them on a certain level. you can't be someones everything all the time, sometimes we just need to relax and be ourselves outside of the relationship. some people need more space than others and if they don't get it they will get worn out.
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| chorleyb
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#5
Dec 12, 2015, 07:28 PM
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He got busy trying to be everyone else;s everything else and pretty much forgot I needed him then he got angry when I sought out my needs with other people....that's what happened...gee...kind of a no brainer...
__________________
CaptainChaos
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| Anonymous35113, avlady
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#6
Dec 13, 2015, 12:56 AM
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What kind of needs did you seek out with others?
__________________
Will work for bananas.
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| avlady
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#7
Dec 14, 2015, 02:59 PM
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Quote:
 Yes, this is exactly what I was thinking too! He may feel like he has to be antagonistic because that's the only way he has anything left for himself. I know that I have both done this in relationships in the past and also been with people who have done this. No one can fulfill ALL our emotional needs. Most of those we have to fulfill ourselves. Partners are to share our lives with, not to BE our lives. Love definitely exists, but I'm not sure that it looks the way you expect it to. 
__________________
Borderline PD/Major Depression/Anxiety  Living well in recovery from mental illness is possible!
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| avlady, Chyialee
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| Chyialee
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#8
Dec 15, 2015, 11:28 PM
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Do you really believe there's no hope left?
As you read before, you can't be someone's everything. You gotta be happy with yourself in order to be happy with someone else. Nobody can be your world, but a part of it. If i had a girlfriend, she wouldn't be my happinnes, but an important part of it (not all of it, that's what i mean). Be safe. Blessings |
| Chyialee
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#9
Dec 17, 2015, 04:20 AM
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well honesty the past eight or so years with someone,,,most of which were great and he was my best friend and my everything I needed can't be summed up in a thread here...its complicated to say the least
__________________
CaptainChaos
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#10
Dec 17, 2015, 05:44 AM
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What does he say when you tell him that you feel disconnected and hurt?
Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
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#11
Dec 17, 2015, 01:43 PM
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I think its a good idea to put space and distance into a relationship. If the other person seems like they need a "break" but aren't able to communicate that. John Grey (who wrote all the Mars Venus books) said this very thing, that people need space in relationships in order for the relationship to thrive.
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#12
Dec 17, 2015, 02:02 PM
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Anytime I try to talk to him about how I feel hurt by anything he has done he reminds me of every single sin i have committed in the history of our relationship so he can deflect away from his bad behavior...it a circular argument...he is drinking again so that doesnt help
__________________
CaptainChaos
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#13
Dec 17, 2015, 02:21 PM
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The drinking again thing could play a role.
Feeling disconnected and wanting to rejuvenate the relationship is different than pointing out flaws that can cause the distance. Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
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