[kiki_lala]

hi everyone, i’m glad that i can be apart of this forum. a brief intro bout myself, i’m indonesian and currently living in malaysia since year 2000, been waiting for my PR (which will take forever to be approved and i don’t put my hope on it anymore) stayed together with my mom (indonesian but already obtained her PR), stepdad and stepsister (Malaysian) and my eldest sister is in the US and we only see each other once in every two years.

i’ll try to explain my problems as briefly as possible cause they are all connected. i’m facing a residential issue right now and it is very very hard to get a work permit in malaysia, and currently i’ve registered to a college to get the student visa in order to be able to stay in this country. i used to travel once in every 30 days for almost 2 years before i enrolled in this college and it is so tiring, worried bout not knowing what will happen to me if i can’t get a job here. but i’m overcoming this problem and right now as the principle of this college is so helpful and understood my problems, and they are willing to hire me under the work permit as soon as the documents are done.

and now, i have a bigger problem on my hand asides from this residential status issue which is my parents don’t approve my current boyfriend.
my parents, has always been very very controlling of my life even what i choose to study in college. i don’t blame them for not letting me study whatever i wanted previously due to our financial issues that’s quite serious few years back. Even with my boyfriends issue. my first boyfriend whom i get to know from my other friends, he’s an indonesian and we were in relationship for a year by long distance. when he came to malaysia i let my parents meet him and they don’t really give a great respond, and after that they decided that it is not going to work for me. by not giving me time, they forced me to break it off with him and that’s what i did. what they don’t know is, i went behind their back for 2 years to continue my relationship with him but at the end i broke it off cause it is too tiring to go behind my parents back and i can’t see my future with him. i was 23 by that time.
2nd boyfriend he broke up with me as we’re not really fit to be together and my parents doesn’t really say anything bout him cause he’s a PhD student.

I’m not sure if this is the way the universe works or Chinese called it as “fate”, i never get a malaysian as a boyfriend and all of them have to be foreigners. and my parents blame it on me.

knowing that i have to focus on my career and own financial independent, i actually thought a lot if i should accept to be in relationship with him as my current boyfriend is a China citizen, even without my parents involvement in this. I’ve told him about my visa problems and the possibilities that i have to leave the country in case that i can’t find work here. He have been staying in malaysia for as long as i did, and now he’s here with the 2nd home program and own a business here.

as supporting as he can be, he’s willing to help me up with the visa by marriage. but of course, marriage is out of the question cause we don’t know each other for so long and i can’t do it out of desperation. at last i think it thoroughly and decided to give it a try.

i was so afraid to start my relationship with him too because i’m afraid of what happen to my first boyfriend happens again due to my parents disapproval. and at last, it did. i really value my mom’s approval and blessing. so i introduced my boyfriend to my mom at the beginning, i let them talk to each other and eventually mom likes him and encouraged me to be together with him. months have passed, and i supposed they freak out or being paranoid, accused him based on nothing and without proper finding out, they said that everything that he own was obtained through illegal ways. said that if his business went bad he will leave me and go back to china and the list goes on.
they thought that it is better for me to find a malaysian rather than other country cause they can provide status security for me. but it is ridiculous isn’t? will it guarantee that the person will treat me right forever?

my parents and I had a big fight about this and i told them that i heard bout their concern, also said that i will decide on what is best for myself. but then it is not working and they forced me again to break it up with him, regardless whatever the reason there is and ask me to focus on my work and study.
my dad even said that i’m brainless when i said i needed time to find out about his visa and background. cause i know that they are worried about me ending up with the wrong person. i wasn’t even trying to prove that they are wrong about him. but i wanted to find it out for my own sake. and he really did have a legal documents. i didn’t show it to my parents cause now i can’t even talk to them when they’re being so stubborn and closing their ears.

my boyfriend not even forcing me to get married immediately cause he also want me to have a my career, supporting me all the way and we’re not in a rush to get married. what is wrong with having career and boyfriend at the same time? whereby i know he’s not going to distract me?
he’s the sweetest person that i ever met and i feel so comfortable around him. our perspective in life synchronises and what is more important than that?
i told my boyfriend about my parents, and he was deeply hurt. said that it will be very difficult for us to be together when my parents are so stubborn, and even accused him of something that is not true. now i’m not sure what to do. we’re not ready to let each other go and can’t find any way to convince my parents that i’ve found the right guy.
the only thing that i can do, i must be able to be financially independent and move out from this house.. i’m feeling so depressed and i need someone to talk to or even give me some advise..

[green0cake]

Seems your parents doesn't know the foundation of a relationship. It is LOVE. It is not because you need to work out your PR and be secure with financial status, etc. They are to the point that they want to protect you but it's your life. You won't be able to call it your life as to everything they are the one deciding for you.

Sorry, I don't have any concrete advice about this because I don't want you to oppose them but I think you need to talk to them. You're a grown up woman, not a little kid anymore.

[kiki_lala]

Originally Posted by green0cake

Seems your parents doesn't know the foundation of a relationship. It is LOVE. It is not because you need to work out your PR and be secure with financial status, etc. They are to the point that they want to protect you but it's your life. You won't be able to call it your life as to everything they are the one deciding for you.

Sorry, I don't have any concrete advice about this because I don't want you to oppose them but I think you need to talk to them. You're a grown up woman, not a little kid anymore.

I've tried talking to them.. but its just not working. I still don't know what to do right now. the worse thing is I have to go behind their back to be with my boyfriend again. which is very very tiring..