Online dating problems

Jan 11, 2016, 06:44 PM

Hello,

I am a shy guy, but I would like to meet someone and have a relationship, potentially leads to a marriage. So, I am in the online dating game. Most girls there are white. I mostly emailed girls with shared beliefs, interests, and close in age, but bizarrely, no one has replied me. Is this something common in online dating for guys? and how to make a girl interested in a guy? It is so difficult for me to figure out what is the thing that will make them reply!! For me I read she likes reading books, so, I might ask what kind of books you're reading. Is there something I am missing?

Thanks

marmaduke · Jan 11, 2016, 06:53 PM

It's common not to get much feedback. Disappointing but common.
Perseverance is the key to success. Thats how I've found it.

Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk

10yrsgone · Jan 11, 2016, 07:02 PM

I always found some forms of online dating to almost be like a "romantic job application". Depending on how you converse, you will eventually have to put your best foot forward and explain yourself in your profile, then proceed in conversation about several things the person may be looking for.

It's almost as stressful as filling out a job application in that you are putting a lot about yourself out there in hopes of a "match" or some kind of validation from the recipient.

My advice would almost be to proceed at the pace of a normal conversation. Don't say too much off the bat and don't move too fast with things. It may be a "job application" to some, but it doesn't have to be. Just sending a short, sweet message about yourself and what you like in the person will help.

Try to stand out. Chances are, some women out there have received some pretty awful messages from people. Just saying "hey" probably isn't going to cut it. Talk a little about yourself, make a few references to things they might like (like reading, as you said), point them toward your own profile and go from there.

Don't get too attached to one person right off the bat. These sites, for better or worse, encourage you to find and talk to multiple people. You may be competing with others without knowing it, but try to take your mind off of it and move at your own pace.

Finally, don't take things too personally. Just like a job we may think we're perfect for, getting no response is often hard to take. But that can't stop you from looking for others.

I have not been the most successful person on these websites but I've taken the next step and got a few dates out of it. Best wishes.

Jan 11, 2016, 07:07 PM

It is like a romantic job application. You have to present your admirable qualities, things you can do. Also social things you are involved in. All this attracts the right model so to speak. It you make it adventurous you're apt to get a cougar or a tiger. If you make it calm and peaceful you are apt to get a bean counter or an accountant. It is how you word it that will attract them. Hope that helps. tc

11:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by omegalamed

It is like a romantic job application. You have to present your admirable qualities, things you can do. Also social things you are involved in. All this attracts the right model so to speak. It you make it adventurous you're apt to get a cougar or a tiger. If you make it calm and peaceful you are apt to get a bean counter or an accountant. It is how you word it that will attract them. Hope that helps. tc

Well, my profile attracted neither. This is the problem.

08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 10yrsgone

I always found some forms of online dating to almost be like a "romantic job application". Depending on how you converse, you will eventually have to put your best foot forward and explain yourself in your profile, then proceed in conversation about several things the person may be looking for.

It's almost as stressful as filling out a job application in that you are putting a lot about yourself out there in hopes of a "match" or some kind of validation from the recipient.

My advice would almost be to proceed at the pace of a normal conversation. Don't say too much off the bat and don't move too fast with things. It may be a "job application" to some, but it doesn't have to be. Just sending a short, sweet message about yourself and what you like in the person will help.

Try to stand out. Chances are, some women out there have received some pretty awful messages from people. Just saying "hey" probably isn't going to cut it. Talk a little about yourself, make a few references to things they might like (like reading, as you said), point them toward your own profile and go from there.

Don't get too attached to one person right off the bat. These sites, for better or worse, encourage you to find and talk to multiple people. You may be competing with others without knowing it, but try to take your mind off of it and move at your own pace.

Finally, don't take things too personally. Just like a job we may think we're perfect for, getting no response is often hard to take. But that can't stop you from looking for others.

I have not been the most successful person on these websites but I've taken the next step and got a few dates out of it. Best wishes.

Thanks, but I am not taking things personally, I just wonder why. No one tried to give me even a chance to talk to her, it is not like I am getting first dates but not seconds.

Jan 12, 2016, 07:02 AM

Tips from a woman:

1 Full body picture
2 Write to a lot of women. Don't be too picky. A lot of men write to us.
3 Don't be crude or sexual. Big turnoff

Good luck.

divine1966 · Jan 12, 2016, 09:58 AM

Try eharmony if they have it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

marmaduke · Jan 12, 2016, 10:52 AM

Full body picture, with a shirt. Nude torsos are a huge turn off.

Sent from my SM-N910F using Tapatalk

specialneedsmom · Jan 12, 2016, 12:42 PM

If you are writing to women who are within the same age range as you are, you should eventually have some success in meeting and talking to women.

However, if you are writing to women who are more than ten years younger than you, it could take a lot longer to find someone.

Also, you should have a picture on your profile, and write a profile that sounds positive and upbeat.

Also, when you start talking to someone, be very casual and don't ask too many personal questions early on. This could be seen as intrusive and/or pushing boundaries.

If you don't have any success after six months, you should probably consider a different online dating service. There are tons of them out there.

Jan 12, 2016, 04:01 PM

Thanks all for your interactions.

I have two full body pictures, and 2 other pictures. I think my profile is OK. I tried not to sound perfect, but at the same time not negative. I've tried with girls/women with difference of -7 to +1 relative to my age. Sometimes I compliment their beauty when writing an email, but noting sexual.

If you are a girl/woman on an online dating site, how would you like a guy/man talk to you to attract your attention beside his pictures and profile?

Jan 12, 2016, 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Try eharmony if they have it

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am sorry, but who "they"?

JustJenny · Jan 12, 2016, 04:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Le.Monsieur.S

If you are a girl/woman on an online dating site, how would you like a guy/man talk to you to attract your attention beside his pictures and profile?

You might start by asking something about one of her interests/hobbies. If she likes reading - ask her what does she read. It might be easier if you both happen a hobby in common.

Jan 12, 2016, 04:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJenny

You might start by asking something about one of her interests/hobbies. If she likes reading - ask her what does she read. It might be easier if you both happen a hobby in common.

And if I did and she didn't reply, this means she is not interested, and shall not bother her again, right?

JustJenny · Jan 12, 2016, 04:40 PM

How long did you wait for a response and are you sure she is active on that site?

I once registered on a dating site and then forgot about it. Oh wait, I think I am still registered!

Jan 12, 2016, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJenny

How long did you wait for a response and are you sure she is active on that site?

I once registered on a dating site and then forgot about it. Oh wait, I think I am still registered!

Yes I am sure they are active. If they are not, I won't email them.

Jan 12, 2016, 06:31 PM

Could the website be a factor? What are the best websites? My current subscription is expiring soon, and I am thinking to change to another site.

Jan 12, 2016, 07:27 PM

I have been on a couple throughout the years. Try a few.

Jan 12, 2016, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV

I have been on a couple throughout the years. Try a few.

Suggestion?

shezbut · Jan 12, 2016, 11:21 PM

I like a guy to write a note about one of my pictures (where I am at a lake park, sitting at a picnic bench) ~ ask what I did at the park? Was I rowing, or in a power boat? Was the picture taken at a nearby park? That sort of thing

I also have a couple of pictures of me at a ballgame. Standing next to the mascot. ~ ask Q's about the game, or the weather at the game. Was the mascot fun and friendly, or too busy to find out?

Those types of Q's ~ instead of "You look really good in that pictures by the lake. Your legs are hot." (or whatever, that stuff doesn't catch my interest)

Best wishes!