[boogiesmash]

I'm a 36 year old male and haven't had a relationship since my suicide attempt which was a little over 2 years ago. I've gained 50 lbs and hate my body which is a common issue I discuss with my therapist. I've been told that looks aren't anything but I fear any women I'd like would be disgusted with my appearance. How do I get a girlfriend this late in the dating game with no self confidence, low self esteem etc.

[scatterbrained04]

Idk about other women, but I'm most attracted to men with a kind heart. I figure weight is gained and lost and gained and lost blah blah over a lifetime. If he doesn't care about my weight from a looks perspective, I won't care about his. Self-confidence and self-esteem and such also changes and can be worked on. Like I said, a kind heart is most important. Openess and honesty too.

I think I just now maybe met someone like what I described above. I'm 30, so I guess it took a little while for the right guy to come along. He was very accepting of my bipolar and is such a remarkable single dad.

My point is, maybe have a little faith that the right person will come along. Best thing you can do is work on yourself while your waiting? Do you have abyone in your life that maybe play matchmaker a little?

[Permacultural]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

I'm a 36 year old male and haven't had a relationship since my suicide attempt which was a little over 2 years ago. I've gained 50 lbs and hate my body which is a common issue I discuss with my therapist. I've been told that looks aren't anything but I fear any women I'd like would be disgusted with my appearance. How do I get a girlfriend this late in the dating game with no self confidence, low self esteem etc.

Heck people in their 50s 60s and 70s have girlfriends and boyfriends. Don't sweat it. You form a relationship first by making small talk, and being a bit vulnerable. I think all relationships start with small talk.

Also if you fear any woman you'd like would be disgusted with your appearance, then what do you have to lose?

If you are ready to date and ready for commitment, I think you will find someone. I cannot help you in the how question, though. Sorry, and good luck.

[divine1966]

Well you wouldn't want a woman who is disgusted by your appearance anyways. If your weight is a concern for health reasons you can work on that but 50lb isn't that much. My fiancée is overweight, he isn't obese or he wouldn't be able to do his job but he has plenty of extra weight. It doesn't bother me when it comes to appearance. Many women don't care about looks and if they do, you don't want them anyways

This late in the game? We are 50 and just got engaged. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Well you wouldn't want a woman who is disgusted by your appearance anyways. If your weight is a concern for health reasons you can work on that but 50lb isn't that much. My fiancée is overweight, he isn't obese or he wouldn't be able to do his job but he has plenty of extra weight. It doesn't bother me when it comes to appearance. Many women don't care about looks and if they do, you don't want them anyways

This late in the game? We are 50 and just got engaged. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Good luck

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks for the input but I feel initial attraction is what hurts. I do do small talk. I don't know I feel hopeless and lonely.

I don't think it's too late for you. I know that's commonly said, or whatever. I have a real problem with my body, and the issues are hard to overcome. BUT I've had to wait my whole life, I'm nearing 50, and I can only change so much about my appearance, so I'm learning to be more confident with what I do have, there's no choice. It's either love myself and allow myself to be loved as I am, or do without love. The key is to accept things as they are, right now, because you can do nothing other than live in the present moment.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

Thanks for the input but I feel initial attraction is what hurts. I do do small talk. I don't know I feel hopeless and lonely.

I don't understand what you mean by initial attraction "hurts", I shared with you that my fiancée is overweight but I am attracted to him just the same. There was initial attraction. What I was saying is that not every woman wants s thin man. I personally don't care

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don't understand what you mean by initial attraction "hurts", I shared with you that my fiancée is overweight but I am attracted to him just the same. There was initial attraction. What I was saying is that not every woman wants s thin man. I personally don't care

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I don't remember what I was trying to say on that. Definitely typo or autocorrect.

[boogiesmash]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don't understand what you mean by initial attraction "hurts", I shared with you that my fiancée is overweight but I am attracted to him just the same. There was initial attraction. What I was saying is that not every woman wants s thin man. I personally don't care

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

How did he approach you if you don't mind me asking.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

How did he approach you if you don't mind me asking.

We've met on online dating site. His picture only showed face but he told me before meeting that he is a bigger guy. I don't care how people look. He is trying to lose some weight for health reasons but his looks are just fine. I've met other heavier guys. Bunch of my coworkers are overweight and happily married. Not a big deal

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[divine1966]

I want to add that women are more concerned about grooming. If you are clean and shaved and have nice hair cut and wear properly fitted flattering clothes ( don't wear clothes that don't fit), then extra weight is not a problem.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JustJenny]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I want to add that women are more concerned about grooming. If you are clean and shaved and have nice hair cut and wear properly fitted flattering clothes ( don't wear clothes that don't fit), then extra weight is not a problem.

I agree with that. Also don't forget good manners. I am not old fashioned, but I never liked when a guy wouldn't let me through a door first. By doing small things like that you will make women notice you better.

[Stillcloseted]

Yep I've felt alone as long as I can remember.

[boogiesmash]

So talked with my psychologist and she told me to make sure I go out Valentine's Day weekend. She said their should be tons of events and found one on meetup that is a lock and key event. Maybe I'll buy a new outfit for the occasion and hit the gym as hard as I can for next two weeks. She said next session she is going to kick me to go so I don't back out.

[divine1966]

Good for you. Have a good time!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[boogiesmash]

I'm nervous about it already.

[divine1966]

Just go there with plans to have a good time not meet someone

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Marilyn2016]

Big men are sexy too!!

[MusicianMan20]

I don't think looks or age should matter. In fact as long as you are acting in a polite and nice manner and are a good person with good personality and character, then you shouldn't have trouble with people liking you. As for finding people that will like you, that is hard. Going out and finding people can be very difficult and can take awhile but never give up!

[Hazel eyes]

Originally Posted by Le.Monsieur.S

If you are ready to date and ready for commitment, I think you will find someone. I cannot help you in the how question, though. Sorry, and good luck.

The more confidence you have in yourself,the better you'll feel. Liking yourself is huge

[boogiesmash]

Found this article that kinda brought me up.

Dating Tips For Fat Guys