[guilloche]

Life sucks, alot, these days.

My brother is back in jail. Apparently, he was homeless and using drugs again when he was picked up by the police about a week ago. I've already sent him a letter and a care pack, but haven't heard back from him yet (snail mail is slow, especially when it's going through security at the jail).

That's already sad, but today, our grandfather passed away. It was a bit unexpected; he had a cold last week, and I only found out Friday night when he was admitted to the hospital as he took a turn for the worse.

I'm struggling a little bit with telling my brother. I've written a letter to him. But, I keep imagining him alone, in his cell, getting this news. With nobody to talk to about it or comfort him. It feels cruel to drop this on him now, especially as things have been *so* hard for him recently (i.e. he was living in an alley, apparently, and not doing very well).

I don't know, what do I do? Nobody else in my family has any contact with him right now. And, given it was my mother's father... I don't think she's in any frame of my mind to even think about handling this with my brother.

Is it kinder to assume he'd want to know, and send the letter asap? Or to wait until he's doing a little better, then let him know? I think most people would say that they wanted to know... but I don't want to add more pain/stress to his life. (Especially as I'm stuck in another state myself, away from my family, with no one to talk to... and it's really hard. I think it would be 1000% harder if I were in jail.)

Any thoughts or advice? Thanks

[yagr]

I'm sorry for your loss and the difficult situation you find yourself in. It is kind of you to consider how would be the best way of telling your brother; you've taken on a good deal of responsibility by taking the lead in letting him know.

Here is my advice, and that of my wife who has spent twenty-four years in prison during our thirty years together...so unfortunately, we know a bit of what we speak. Call the jail and ask to speak to the chaplain. In almost every state, the procedure is for the chaplain to facilitate a phone call where you can tell your brother over the phone and the chaplain can be there to assess his emotional needs.

I hope that helps and again, I'm sorry for your loss.

[guilloche]

Thank you! That is a huge help... it wouldn't have occurred to me at all. I've found the chaplain's number, and will try to work up the courage to call tomorrow.

And, thank you for your warm thoughts - they're very appreciate right now... thanks!

[Bill3]

(((((guilloche)))))

I'm sorry for your loss.

[guilloche]

Thanks Bill3... I appreciate it. I called the chaplain this morning, but need to call back, because I didn't have the info on the funeral home yet. Getting ready to do that soon. Thanks...

[Cat_Lover_58]

I'm so sorry for you loss. Hugs to you and your brother. Cat

[guilloche]

Thanks Cat Lover 58... it's much appreciated.

Thanks again Yagr for the good advice. I talked to the chaplain's office this afternoon and got everything figured out, and just got off the phone with my brother. I am so glad that the chaplain was there with him, because he was really, really upset (as you'd expect), and clearly sad/mad at himself for being in jail when this happened and missing the memorial service. It was good to get to talk to him, as he was just picked up not too long ago, and he hadn't received my letter yet, and couldn't remember my address to write to me.

Still, one of the hardest things I've had to do. But, definitely much better than telling him in a letter. I'm now trying to see if my mom wants to maybe stop by and visit with me. I know he wants to see people.

Thank you all again for your kind thoughts and caring words, they really mean more than you know.