[ace333]

hello any advice would be great. im 27 years old and just lost my dad two weeks ago. it was a sudden death, and he didn't have a will. at first everything was fine, but now everything seems to be falling apart. this part of my issues is currently with my stepmother and half sister. im not greedy in any sense nor have i pushed for anything to be given to me. my stp mother and i used to have problems but put them aside while my dad was sick. but then yesterday when i was going to their home, which i have a key too i found that she has changed the locks???? she didn't say anything to m or give me a spare key and it just happened, with no explaination. its really heartbreaking considering im the one who was there for everyone the most and now its like im not even invited over. the only thing i even care about is my dads dog, neither of them are home enough to take care of her and she likes me more than them. i let them see her as much as they want but now i feel like their bout to pull some **** and not give me anything that should come to me, because like i said my dad didn't have a will. this is just one half of what i get to deal with. my uncle is also coming out the woodwork and being unimaginably greedy not even two weeks after my dad passed. how can i not be stuck in the middle ?

[ace333]

plus my boyfriend doesn't make it any better when i try to talkl to him bout whats happening, he just gets mad at me like its all my fault and basically tells me to go kick down their door and take the dog and just get what i can and cut them out for good.

[healingme4me]

Sorry for your loss

Have you asked your stepmom why the locks are changed? Could it have anything to do with your uncle? Can you set up a time to caregive to the dog?

[ace333]

The only issue right now with the dog is my apt doesn't allow them not sure why she's a pom, very small doesn't bark and all my neighbors love her , so its throwing in may be I should move somewhere where I can keep her. Which is an added stress. It could be do with my uncle but I dunno . its all just too much this soon I could see this type of greedy behavior at the earliest being a month after but not two weeks and actually sooner than that

[TishaBuv]

I'm sorry for your loss. Unfortunately instead of just being able to grieve, you now have to kick in to survival mode.

Your step mother changed the locks so you and your uncle can't get in the house and take anything for yourselves.

You need to get a good lawyer immediately. When someone does without a will, their estate goes through probate. Your step mother is entitled to the money, but you are also entitled to a portion of your father's estate. Even if it is a future portion of the house when it is sold, you get a cut. The lawyer can work on contingency if you don't have any money.

My family was screwed out of a major inheritance, so I know :-(

[Trippin2.0]

I would just unstuck myself if I were you.


My family went through something similar when my eldest brother died, because he was considerably wealthy and there were complications between the estranged wife and other parties.


We just decided to let it go, the only person who ended up getting what they were due was my younger brother because his share was local (my eldest brother was based abroad)


Three months later when my dad died, he was luckily poor, so nothing to claim or fight over, even though there was no will.


My mom just invited the family over (children and grandchildren) to each choose a keepsake, and that was that.


Yes its because we're not material in nature, but mostly because it would have dishonoured their memory to fight over their stuff...


I was 25 when this all happened, so I sympathize with you, you have my sincerest condolences.


I would suggest you attempt to get the dog, and leave it at that.


Maybe ask SM in future why she changed the locks, for now, its just all too raw, you have enough on your plate to deal with.

[avlady]

I am sorry about your dads death. i think the reason the locks were changed was because of your uncle too.

[ace333]

I only care about the dog. I was suppose to get a ring but my stepmother says not til she passes away but like I said just the dog and they can fight over the rest. My dad wasn't rich by any means. If need be I do know the dog is in my name at her vet , I guess if they tried to fight that but I'm unsure.

[ace333]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I'm sorry for your loss. Unfortunately instead of just being able to grieve, you now have to kick in to survival mode.

Your step mother changed the locks so you and your uncle can't get in the house and take anything for yourselves.

You need to get a good lawyer immediately. When someone does without a will, their estate goes through probate. Your step mother is entitled to the money, but you are also entitled to a portion of your father's estate. Even if it is a future portion of the house when it is sold, you get a cut. The lawyer can work on contingency if you don't have any money.

My family was screwed out of a major inheritance, so I know :-(

I was not aware this was possible to get without a will, so thank u

[Chyialee]

Deepest condolences in your loss. It's a very very hard time for everyone, and imho nobody is thinking completely clearly.

It's been my experience that everyone is a lil bit insane after a loved one's death -- even if y'all think you're acting out of completely rational concerns and the best intentions in the world.

I'd bet the locks were changed as a personal and legal precaution by your SM. I did not do it after my husband passed --- but I sure hell should have.

Laws are a bit different from state to state, but: My late husband also did not have a will. In that state, I automatically inherited everything we owned, bc my name was also on it or solely on all property. That and the life insurance pollicies, 5 of them (!) were the sum total of the inheritable estate. Very cut and dried.

You and your family are all, in my humble opinion, still operating under that first haze of grief. It can be blinding. Honestly, nobody needs to do anything RIGHT NOW!! do they? Is there anything that can't be let go until things have calmed a bit and people are thinking more clearly?

Give yourself time, and try to be patient with other people's individual ways of grieving.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. WHen we lost my parents, life got waaaay too interesting. I sympathize with the urge to just go in great guns and do things RIGHT freakin' NOW -- but please don't. It rarely turns out well.

Be gentle with yourself.
Best,
Chyia, wishing you comfort

[Molinit]

From Nolo.com, intestate (no will) succession in KY:

Intestate Succession in Kentucky | Nolo.com

[Sunset88!]

Originally Posted by ace333

hello any advice would be great. im 27 years old and just lost my dad two weeks ago. it was a sudden death, and he didn't have a will. at first everything was fine, but now everything seems to be falling apart. this part of my issues is currently with my stepmother and half sister. im not greedy in any sense nor have i pushed for anything to be given to me. my stp mother and i used to have problems but put them aside while my dad was sick. but then yesterday when i was going to their home, which i have a key too i found that she has changed the locks???? she didn't say anything to m or give me a spare key and it just happened, with no explaination. its really heartbreaking considering im the one who was there for everyone the most and now its like im not even invited over. the only thing i even care about is my dads dog, neither of them are home enough to take care of her and she likes me more than them. i let them see her as much as they want but now i feel like their bout to pull some **** and not give me anything that should come to me, because like i said my dad didn't have a will. this is just one half of what i get to deal with. my uncle is also coming out the woodwork and being unimaginably greedy not even two weeks after my dad passed. how can i not be stuck in the middle ?

Aloha,

First of all my condolences to your loss. Secondly I would strongly advice that you get some advice from a lawyer to give you perspective on what to expect or not.

As far as family I can tell you that in times of Greif, Greif and loss takes over and trumps all senses and sanity. You're going to be hurt, and crazy, and real. Everyone else is too. Because of these raw emotions I really feel like there is no making sense with a family who has lost a dear one. Thus I emphasize getting a lawyer involved.

It's unfortunate your father had no will buffo remember him. Remember who you are and your core values and do not cross them. This is a time you will learn how harsh life can be and who are the people you can really trust.

Lastly I also advice you to get counseling. This is to allow you a safe third party place to vent about such matters without worrying about censoring yourself. Expressing yourself will be key in these next months and unfortunately your boyfriend doesn't seem to be the help you need. Which is fine. Not all people or friends now how to be there for other or how to support a loved one through Greif. But do know there are people out there wiling to help.

Good luck