[linsin]

I was very fortunate to have found this site. I hope it would help me with what I'm going through at this point in my life.

I have been single and happy, until i met this guy 4 weeks go and started chatting with him. He's been so sweet and thoughtful, he sends me sweet messages everyday and finally got me to meet with him again after 2 weeks. I feel so happy every time he sends me his usual good mornings and how are yous. But after our second meeting, he sends me messages that says hes falling in love with me more and that he misses me and i would just reply him with tyhank yous. Now my problem is that whenever he says those words, i feel so anxious and defensive like i would instantly shut him down and would tell him i am not looking for a relationship although deep inside i really crve that feeling of being loved. I mean, i think i am just so scared to be in a relationship. Am i just used to being single all my life that forming a romantic relationship cause me so much stress and anxiety? I know it is unusual but does it mean im a little coo coo?

[healingme4me]

It's only been 4 weeks and it sounds like there's a feeling of discomfort. Trust your hunches.

[Skeezyks]

Hello linsin: The Skeezyks replied to another of your Threads, on this subject, earlier today. So I don't know that there is a lot more I can add. No you're not coo coo. Perhaps you are a bit reserved by nature. I certainly am. I must say that this guy you've met works very fast, if you only just met 4 weeks ago! The "reserved" part of me wonders what's going on here. But, then, I admit I do tend to be skeptical. Personally I think you would be wise to take this budding relationship cautiously.

But, then, there's the question of why you have difficulty warming to relationships in general. And this is where I think some time with a skilled therapist might be helpful for you. There's no way to know how much of this is genetic & how much is related to experiences you've had in the past. But the important thing is that you're going to need to learn ways of working around your defensiveness. And this is something a skilled therapist could help with. I wish you well...

Hello and welcome to PC Forums! Blessings and tc

[emijec]

Hi,

I think it's totally fine to feel reserved, it's only been 4 weeks and the L word is in the picture. Generally, people get to know each other for a few months before they determine whether they're ready to exchange those words.

I met 2 guys that started off with I love you within 2-4 weeks. 1st guy ended up being a habitual cheater and the 2nd guy was great but he intimated me with his L word, suffice it to say that I was honest with him and told him I was going through stuff (I had just gotten over depression and started to piece my life together again), he was receptive to that, I told him let's take it slow. Maybe, you should do that too.
It didn't work out at the end, we're both Alpha's and there was some issues that he has yet to recognize.

There's nothing better than to be honest with the person. If you're not there, it's ok and he should understand that.

[linsin]

Thanks much...

It's what i also thought. I mean we just met and it's weirding me out when he says those words and i was suspicious on his true intent. I am so reserved and doesn't trust that easily, and because it didn't fall on my list of normal that i reacted the way i did. But i will take your advice and try to open up to him. And also try out some of the pointers I've read on how to handle anxiety.

[linsin]

Thank you..

[linsin]

Thank you so much for your reply, it somehow gave me an idea on where to start.

Because of what you said, I've started to look back and evaluate what had happened to me in the past that lead me to being so afraid of forming a close/intimate relationship and i think my parents had to contribute to it. Maybe i should read more about my condition and if it doesn't work, I'll visit a shrink.

[linsin]

Thank you. I sure will.

[divine1966]

It's way too soon to speak of love. The guy is rushing it. I am just a bit concerned why are you dating if you aren't looking for a relationship?

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