Anyone else broken hearted?

Been in one relationship after another since 2015 (4 of them to be exact)where I end up getting dumped and feeling broken hearted... anyone else out there going through the same? I just got dumped today and I messed it all up, me and my baggage and negative outlook.

what happened in your relationship? how do you feel? any fears? hopes? How do you get over this? can a person who's been changed by depression to have a pessimistic outlook ever find love? my getting cheated on in a 3 year relationship (habitual cheater , empregnated 3 women during relationship) caused my depression and changed my outlook... caused insecurities and lash outs.. ended the last relationship, a good one. but I promised myself I wouldn't ever be stepped on.. I don't know if misread the signals in a truly good person or if he was trying to mold me into what he wanted me to be.. I don't know what is a gut feeling and what was insecurities post-depression. I'm 34, no kids. I fear being alone and I just want to love someone who loves me back. it seems too much to ask. to be happy and in love. the end of a relationship feels like when you throw something into the deep water and you watch it disappear forever. I'm crying as I write this... it's just so painful.

I am so very sorry you are hurting. Would you think staying single for a little but might help you get your priorities straight like what are you looking for in a partner. 4 relationship since 2015 is a lot, it is only 2016. Are you working with therapist exploring why you are attracting wrong people? I constantly attracted wrong people, had to work on it with my t. What type of people do you date and is there any pattern in how it develops?Hang in there.

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thank you for replying. well, I would like to go to a therapist again but i was unemployed for 3 months and fell behind on bills. now that I finally got back on my feet I have to catch up. somewhere in between those relationships I did see a therapist and i touched on the issue but he left the clinic.

I guess in the last one it just happened. we started as friends for a month and it developed. the guy was really outstanding and caring but he was so stringent. he kind of had an army/cop mentality in the sense that he was very straight and arrow- organized, sought 100% correction in things. so, if I left the toothpaste cap open, or didn't clean after myself when I ate, or moved his stuff around.. it would turn into a moralistic issue. he said I disrespected him for doing that. among other things however he said I was careless with his feelings bc of that and the fact that i would hold things in and pretend thing were fine until I just let it out. I guess I was trying to be respectful and tried not to do those things, I said it shouldn't be a big deal to the point of argument... but it took a toll on me . I felt like I was being treated like a child , I couldn't figure out what stuff I was doing wrong until he called me out on it. I argued back one day, and ot went downhill. I called it defending myself he called it fighting against him and disrespecting him, it all happened in 3 months.

in the first month his friend died of cancer, in the same month and the next i studied and took the state law licensure exam (18 hours of testing) which was one of the most stressful things I've ever done. the last month...I had a bad time finding a job, he also couldn't find a job and at the end didn't know what to do in terms of career/job finding. but by that time we were both just stressed and tired, admitedly I fought he fought. we broke up once and he said he was just tired of my attitude and that he was in a rut and that I made him feel depressed. but he came back the day after and said he wanted to try.. after that he got annoyed because I texted or called at the wrong time, I didn't know it was a rule until after I broke it. everything i did he seemed to hate. and I couldn't reconcile his decision to work things out and how deeply irritated and distant he became in the past 3 weeks.

2 weeks ago my ex-boss's son was turned over to (he ended up passing last Thursday) hospice and it affected me, I knew his son a bit and I opened up about my father passing and, cried, it just came out right before bed I told him. he said in an irritated way he was trying to sleep. It hurt me, that he did that. but in an effort not to make him mad I said nothing. in that time, if I tried to talk to him about what bothered me that he said or did, in a calm rational way.. he'd turn it around and say that I was selfish and that I was just making it about him and what he does wrong, that I couldn't admit what I had done wrong. well, a week after I told him. We were arguing about me being selfish .. After I claimed that he sets up these high standards no one else can meet bc he's afraid of getting hurt. he claimed that it was healthy to do so bc he wasn't going to have people that lacked quality around.. I said

one thing after another and I called him out about what he said when I talked about my dad and cried for him to just say.. you know I told I was trying to sleep, you knew this. I said I wouldn't ever do that to him . he said I shouldn't have pretended to be ok at the time he made the remark, and that I was selfish for holding it in & and that I should have known better than to talk about those things when he said he was tired before.

well, I said if he wanted to talk about his friend passing I would never say what he said and that.. he got up, didn't say a word and left. I texted him and called no reply. he said he was done. I begged, he said he needed real space and that maybe in a few days we could talk.. didn't hear from him.. so I emailed, , he replied, said he hit his limit with me and that I continued to say and do things after he told me not to, I disrespected him. I offered couple therapy. his reply: if you went to therapy it wouldn't work bc if you wanted it to work then we would have resolved these issues by now. and that was it.

I doubt he ever would have reached out in his own.. it was for me to figure out and contact him.

I know I need time to figure myself out, i am totally at fault here I guess. it just hurts. I run what happened in my head over and over but I know I should stop. it's an internal battle. it's one bad relationship after another. I'm tired falling down, but at the same time I just want to find love and happiness. I guess I have to give myself space.

It sounds to me like you've got so much going for you and you have dodged a bunch of bullets getting out of bad relationships.

Trust your own instincts.

This last guy sounded abusive.

Maybe your mistake is getting too intimately involved before you really know what the guy is like. Look more closely for those red flags and keep listening to yourself.

2 relationship were fleeting as mutually agreed but 2 were more serious (5 months and 3 months-it did move fast)

It is not really a relationship honestly. 3 months is nothing. You are way too involved with them way too soon. Don't get intimate too soon. Become friends first. Watch for red flags. It doesn't take that long to see that the guy is a jerk. Don't need to get that close that soon

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that is absolutely true. but I don't know what are red flags versus me just being a B, I was mean to him and argued with him when he would scold me for stuff like leaving the toothpaste cap open or not cleaning the counter after I ate (he corrected/scolded me the 1st time I did that, I didn't know it was wrong) or not using a coaster, or being late to dinner one time , 15 minutes (I was taking a mock exam, he said that I should have picked a different lunch time then) etc. I'm not one to just let someone yell at me. but at the same time, what is just accepting a person the way he is? I will never know if how he was, super type A , was an actual red flag or me just seeking perfection in a man. I'm flawed too, I have issues, he tried to be with me while I studied but after it just accumulated. I just will never know if I just didn't try hard enough. I can't tell what is what. otherwise he was very nice, funny, artistic, caring, reliable. except for that.. he was so stringent.

It was the way he would say you were disrespecting him that makes me think his demands and hostility would only get worse. You wouldn't want to marry and have kids with someone who would be abusive to them.

thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply, I appreciate it. it makes me feel less down about it. thank you

I cracked as mile, thank you! thank you for thinking of me and posting that, it made me feel a bit better

Sorry, sounds rough. I wish I could relate, but I can't, because I have never been in any kind of relationship and I don't even know how to approach girls. I am 28 now and have gotten crushes on all sorts of different girls, but I have never been able to connect with any of them. It is most likely caused by some undiagnosed issue like a deficit in cognitive processing or perhaps some form of autism or both. Therapy has not helped and there seems to be nothing I can do about it. I just have to watch other guys get all the girls I like and get jealous and angry. And pretty soon most of the girls I would be interested in will be off limits because society will deem them too young. Basically life sucks and all people have to say about it is "quite whining".

Hope that makes you feel that least a bit better about the situation you're in.

I'm sorry you had to go through all that with your ex. I know what it's like to be heartbroken, many many times. It felt very suffocating and lonely, and I honestly thought I would never pull through it. But after awhile it does start to get better, and you'll slowly think of the person less and less. Now I think I dodged some serious bullets when I think back to my ex bfs and how they treated me.

a lot of people tell me time heals all wounds. I know it's true. but this is the first time that I'm trying to heal without medication. the last 2 serious relationships I slipped into depression. though I feel mildly depressed right now I don't want to take meds. so, I'm not sure how to cope and heal without them. how do you get over a person? in terms of thinking about them less and less.. if you find yourself replaying events how do you stop that?

I'm sorry you've gone through that, we are both in crap situations, huh? I guess we both have a hard time connecting. .. and it's pretty hard be hopeful when we've gone through such a hard time in our own way

you're 28, quite young so why would society deem the girls you are interest in young?

Really feel for you. It's very difficult to get past the hurt . I've read your post and subsequent replies. From what I gather your ex is borderline narcissists or is a narcissists. It was all about him sleeping or the house" counter top" , tooth paste and more than likely even more than being a few minutes late for dinner , a relationship is mutual respect for one another first then other forms of " love " follow after that.
Yes it was a difficult situation with the money troubles and testing that adds stress to any relationship.
Later you said" time heals all wounds" ...time doesn't heal wounds ....time allows you to not remember as often....forgiveness for yourself and to him heals.ie." closure" in one way or another mutually or seperate.
There will be a day and I hope very soon that you find someone that makes you forget the pain caused by others. When one leaves is for a reason.....to make room for another that is better than the previous. Keep your head up and your eyes open and you'll be ok.

When you are hurting, trying to heal from past broken relationships, takes time. I've been there more than I care to recount here. Each time, I invested myself totally, as I expected the significant other to do, only to be used, hurt and then taking an inordinately long time to recover. That is because I empathize. Sounds like you do that also.

I made the mistake of meeting and marrying a man after a horrific "heartbreak," of which I had little insight into how it had affected my behavior toward men. I married the man because he was "safe" and I knew he wouldn't hurt me. That was a huge mistake, and I spent 20 years in it, struggling.

My advice, for the little it's worth, is to give yourself some substantial time to heal from these hurts. If you choose to meet men, first and foremost, listen to your "inner voice"...something we tend to ignore in hope that it will be all beautiful. If there are red flags, pay attention to them. In my case, I ignored them, and now I look back, realizing I spent far too much of my precious time and emotional energy trying to make something bad work. You may think, as I did, well, I've spent this amount of time with this person, months, years even. Can I just walk away now! By gosh, yes you can! You don't even owe much of an explanation if you feel it's not right. You are a person with free will, and you can choose to walk away.

My t says a year break after long terms relationship is the best. The very least 6 months.

Yours wasn't long term but you had one after another so I'd think long break would still be a good idea

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there's so much more I want to explain happened.. I was nasty to him and argued until I won (some thigs were about his stringent artifice and other was me just snapping at him). I know I beat him down that way. he was stringent but very caring and attentive, he was just super terrible about that. he just made it into a moralistic argument.

I've figured out that I wasn't the good person in the relationship. so I need to deal with my issues. but at the same time, I think he began to have interest in another person though but he couldn't admit it to himself... his best friend's widow (friend passed in January) . he's always held himself to a high standard and I think his feeling for the woman, him pushing me away, getting angry at me and hating who I was (personality, habits (the whole not being a perfectionist with things) ... it got all mixed up. He said that it wasn't true that he would never that he was there to take care of her and the baby bc he promised his friend.. but I just had a bad gut feeling . he said he'd be there for her . they started hanging out too much and right around that time he just became more distant . it was just weird. he denied it and said that he couldn't believe I would think he was that way. I believe he was in denial or didn't realize what he was doing. nonetheless, I just can't shake it... guess this is a learning experience :/

thank you everyone, for being so supportive. you don't realize but your words .. give me hope that I can one say get through it