[curley]

Approximately 2 years ago my neighbor had surgery. We were not close and rarely spoke, but I noticed she had no company and I wondered about her little dog. I talked to her and found out her daughter had her car and her dog.
Her daughter rarely called or came over unless she needed something. I felt really bad and offered to walk to the little dog so she could have him at home.
I have offered to help this woman many times with various things because I saw she was not getting help from her family.
Anyways, 2 years later, another surgery and I have the little dog living with me until she comes home. I love the dog so that is no problem. After my neighbor has her second surgery and goes to rehab there are many complications. All of a sudden the daughter decides she should come around. Using my neighbors car again, getting free gas and whatever else she can. My neighbor is so happy to have her daughter back in her life. All I can think is WHY? What is a nice way for me to say I am not going to help her anymore.
I will help with the dog but I am not getting paid for this, I have a full time job and her daughter needs to step up! Opinions

[Raindropvampire]

You catch more flies with honey....Personally I'd talk to the daughter. Tell her how glad I am that she's helping her mom because I really need a break. How glad her mom is to have her back around etc.... OR you could have the talk with both of them.

Something along the lines of since her daughter is back you don't want to intrude so you will just help with the dog.

You are not in an easy spot and I wish you the best.

[Bill3]

I would ask myself to what extent I am acting for the good of my neighbor and myself--versus-- to what extent I may be acting out of anger at the daughter.

[divine1966]

Why? Because it's her daughter? I really don't understand the issue. You want her daughter not to help or you want your neighbour not the accept daughters help? If you don't want to help or can't, you don't have to but I don't understand why you are upset. You offered to help.

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[hannabee]

I think I hear you saying you are angry with the daughter for using and somewhat abusing your friend? If the daughter only comes around when she can "get something" from her Mom, she sounds like a poor excuse for a daughter, but alas, she is the only one she has, so of course, she want's to believe her daughter truly cares about her. You see the truth and that would make me angry too.

I kind of feel like you would be punishing the mother, at this point. If you are being benevolent, and for that we always get some kind of payoff, then that's ok, I'd continue helping and try not to focus on what the daughter doesn't do. Focus more on the way you get to feel when being kind and helpful. If the reward from being benevolent doesn't out weigh the anger against the daughter, then I think you have to take a step back and not offer help.

You seem to enjoy the dog, so don't take it out on the dog. Just enjoy the dog. I hope this helps a bit..hard situation, I understand! Big hug for you.

[curley]

thank you all for your helpful insight!!