[Parker566]

Hey guys,

This is my first post - it may be a long one - I don't know where to start it's just my trust issues are destroying my relationship.

It started 4 years ago when I met this girl, I had just come out of my shell(I missed 4 years of school) I started going around with my cousin. We got close over two years, and I spoke to this girl for a month and really liked her. Then he got with her behind my back as they had been speaking.
This isn't my only time having this done to me - another member of my family a cousin a year older than me did this three times or more to me and it just destroyed my trust.
Then the one I never expected... my best friend whom I trusted with my life, spoke to the girl I am with now and got pictures of her(she was single he wasn't) but it destroyed me.

8 months later after trying to get with her we got together and now have been together for 7 months.
During the 8 months of trying to get with her - I lost my virginity to her, while she kept saying she loved me and she didn't slept with two other guys and then finally cried and got with me when I said I couldn't do it anymore.

Now it started of just fine, but after 3 months another guy kissed her - she didn't tell me i found out myself. however her messages to her friends kept saying 'I didn't mean to, he kissed me I love my boyfriend so much I'm scared to tell him I don't want to lose him', I wasnt suppose to see those but I did..
I forgave her but made her stop speaking too him.

From here it went downhill I knew she spoke to guys, and got along with them better than girls.

She had a friend on the train to work, they spoke - but she rested his head on him while on the train and I was further down the carriage(she knew I was there) I also have an issue with men - I don't trust them one but I believe they will all try something given the chance considering my past with my so called family and friends people whom I trusted.

However my instinct was right - 2 months pass and he then asks her out, now she didn't tell him she had a boyfriend because she said she was shocked, but when I told her to tell him she said 'No I'll tell him in person' and kept trying to meet up with him to go to a pub - however I kept interrupting and telling her not too. so she told him over text. A week later I ask her where she had been after work - this is where it gets bad. I stalked her to find out where she had been. My gut instinct was right, she was with him - I asked her three times before I found out the next day to tell me the truth and she said 'No' that she wasn't with him all three times. so that broke my trust but her reason was 'I knew how you would act and I didn't want you to lose your temper'.

Since then it's been fine, three weeks ago - a guy friend she was close with a year ago turns up and wants to explain why he disappeared. I disliked this alot due to the fact they slept together. However I said it's fine go and meet him and find out for an hour.

Her phone was broke and she was gone for free, so I snooped through her fb and got his number and spoke to her asking where she was, she went to his house after telling her parents and me she went to the highstreet..
This caused a big argument I went to end it and she cried saying she's sorry and she loves me.

He stopped speaking to her a couple of days later(shows that he wanted to make up) however today.

Today
I screwed up real bad, all the stuff above, combined a new guy at work she was getting close with, because they actually got along she says. They get lunch together and go to the pub together.... but this isn't like her - she doesn't usually go to the pub three times in less than 7 days and when she does she has one drink then goes.

The first time I found out, I said I didn't like the fact it was just them two, and we had a mini argument, and I said I didn't like it. She did it again two days later and we argued again. Today I went to the pub, she had told me she told him about me, but when I walked in he went 'I'm sorry I didn't even know about you, I can understand why you are p***ed' I spoke to her calmly and I had met the guy the 'Yeah whats up cuz' sort of guy which I disliked instantly just due to me stereotyping as the 'He'd try something with you in an instant'.

However after this I left after 20 minutes, she said she was going to stay for 30 minutes to wait for the train - but she missed the train I got home 40-50 minutes later she was still there. I lost it and ended it with her, but met her at her house(we live with parents) and we spoke she suggested being friends but I didn't want that and she agreed(willingly) we kissed and I went home.

I got home and spoke to her - she suggested a break until I get better at trusting her and being away from her. We'll still be together just time apart.



I just need help, a break won't help me I need her, I know I can trust her - but when she's not by me I just.. I can't explain it I overthink stuff and then I suddenly switch, I really don't know what it is and it's destroying us. She said she couldn't say 'I love you' because everytime I threaten to break up with her she puts a wall up and said 'I've said it too much without meaning it' - however I believe this being to past people she has been with.... As the phone died after before I got to ask her this. When me and her are together - we are fine, we go together like nothing, but when I'm not with her I can't help myself.

What doesn't help is she speaks to a different guy each month or couple of months and then wants to go to a pub with them just being them two and I never meet them - she says the reason she speaks to different guys is because I don't like the one she speaks too and she wants to have friends she can speak too.

I just need help, I am grown up - I don't need to find myself I just need to be able to trust her which I do - that is confusing I know I can but my emotion and thoughts take over....

Now that I think about it, I don't think I do have trust issues..... I know I can trust her but thoughts take over..... help me please

[Trippin2.0]

How do you know you can trust her????


She seems adamant about appearing untrustworthy.


My bf doesn't have trust issues, but if I behaved like your gf?


He sure as hell would have a problem with it.


The biggest issue here is this:

You think you're the one with the problem when both of you are. She moreso than you actually.


As long as that is how you both see things, nothing can be fixed.

[kamikazebaby]

No wonder you have trust issues! This girl has shown you over and over that she is very untrustworthy. You are right not to be suspicious of her, and you cannot trust her. She is going to bring you a world of hurt if you ignore these red flags and stay. BOUNDARIES. Sorely lacking. For you, too.

Beware of people who try to make out like their transgressions and issues are actually yours (what she's doing). Having weak (or no) boundaries with people who are willing to abuse your trust and take advantage of you will cause you a lot of pain and trouble unless you work on them.