[black-roses]

People take me way to literally I say lots of really harsh things as a joke and it gets me blocked from groups. I guess, I should be kind of happy it has become a thing were I tell my negativity on my inside. Sometimes I feel sick of myself and my negativity that I just want to shake myself and stop overthinking **** this stuff I again was going to obsess and ponder over isn't even stuff I should be upset of it is just dragging my negativity around. I am sick of it because I have been doing this for a long time finding something else to get upset over, finding something else to make me feel like a victim. It is so ****ing pathetic and I said I was done but then I always come back here I do a full circle and come right back. It's almost like I can't self soothe myself without becoming sorry for myself. When did I define self comfort as self pity? Self comfort is love but for me the only way I can comfort myself is inducing self pity which is quite sad pathetic and I am sure I can love myself and comfort myself without talking to myself like a child. It is also like being kind to myself loving myself makes me a weak pathetic child. That is where the self pity lies somewhere I tought myself to see being kind to myself as self pity as me being weak and I want to know how? Why was it defined that way who gave me that belief it doesn't even make any sense. Is that why I think that men or people who pity me love me? Is that why I use self pity to get others to love me? Is that what he means when he says I just want to be sorry for myself because it was said before but never really understood?