[apb90]

Hi,

Okay so a long story short, I'm currently working in London living at home, in a 4 year long-long distance relationship. I'm 26 years old.

Me and my girlfriend have decided to live in her area of England (Hull area) which is a 3 hour drive from my hometown.

I've recently just been offered a job in her area, where I'll be taking a large pay cut, but will have no commuting costs and housing is much cheaper.

My parents are completely against my decision, they say its stupid for me to take such a big pay cut, they've said they think im going backward in my career (even though the job itself is great). They say I shouldn't be moving to an area with much higher unemployment. They are saying becuase of my decision they won't be supporting me financially if I need it, and that I'm effectively cutting them out of my life in my decision.

How do I approach parents like this?

I suffer from anxiety too (ocd), from a young age, so this is really just making me doubt everything now. It's keeping me up at night, sweating, not eating etc.

Thanks in advance for reading.

[Bill3]

They are saying becuase of my decision they won't be supporting me financially if I need it, and that I'm effectively cutting them out of my life in my decision.

Read up on emotional blackmail, Emotional Blackmail ? Out of the FOG

[VR-80]

i'd move away, in fact 3 hours drive wouldn't be far enough from them if i was in your shoes

[Perna]

Hi, apb90. I had that situation when I was your age. I would do your own thing and see what happens rather than worry about it. If you think you can make a go of it, make a go of it! If it doesn't work out something else will come up. I don't think your parents will ever turn their backs on you if you are really in need, it is not like you are a criminal or hurting them in any way. You cannot live with them forever. I think they are just anxious themselves and projecting it on you -- they would not dare do such a thing. I realized after I was doing what I decided to do that my stepmother had had a hard time living through the Great Depression. I suspect your parents may remember the hard years growing up just after the War when rationing was still happening until the mid-50's?

[divine1966]

At 26 you are free to do what you want without your parents permission. I am very close with my daughter but she pretty much whatever the heck she wanted as soon as she was able to. At 26 most certainly you are under no obligations to live with them or close by them. Sure pay cut is something to consider but sometimes it's for the best.

They can't expect you to live with them and consult over every little thing. Sometimes I read about adult kids in this board how they make sure to consult with their parents over and are afraid to upset them. Gee I never had a luxury of having obedient child! Just go live your life and they will get over it

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[htoun]

You have to do what is good for you and not worry about how they will take it. As their reaction is upsetting my try reassuring them that you will still come visit, call, and text. I know distance is thought of different in England but really it is only 3 hours away. We do that as a day trip around here. Besides they should count their blessings you are 26 in a stable relationship and have a career. Oh and you are not moving far far away. Still in the same country and time zone.