[black-roses]

I just realized something interesting after talking to this random weirdo I realized that just because someone is nice and seems they care doesn't mean they do and just because someone is harsh and distint and says they don't care doesn't necessarily mean they are saying the truth. A lot of the times people say they don't care when they are tried of seeing and hearing the same situation with no change. Comparing these two guys Teeg and Alexander there similarities and polar opposites. I guess the one that is arrogant and harsh has the better communication skills (Teeg). I know he is a major douche but now I know what caught my eye about him that he was someone that looked deeper into people and had a lot of ideas about how different people behaved. I guess this makes me feel better that I was crushing on a jerk it was something in his personality that caught my eye I can't even describe that trait. I guess he is very cunning and screwd and I really like that about him it is why after all this time I haven't stopped thinking of him in everything I do or even obsessing about him. Something about those two traits makes my heart pinge and sink with deep emotion. Does it even make sense at all? I guess I really liked that he was a friend with all of street smarts that I didn't have that I kind of looked up with him with awe and that he was like a wiser guardian even though he was a douche that was way too harsh when I made mistakes. He just had so much more emotional and street maturity that I didn't have being the innocent person that accepted people as they are. It's almost like his arrogance is kind of justificable when he is kind of doing it for other peoples good in a way. I don't know I am overthinking it but at least now I know what personality traits I like in my men this gives me a bit more understanding on how I make the matches I do with guys etc. It also teaches me more about who I am on a deeper level favouring good judgement over laws and emotional logic. Considering the fact I would still like him even though he is a ****. It shows me that I can infact separate my emotions from my own judgement. I never knew this about myself because I always though I would be like a juror looking at the emotional impact of the victim instead of trying to understand the murderers logical emotional reasoning. hmm am i making any sense maybe I do have my head screwed on more than I thought and maybe my judgement with men isn't as flawed as I once thought...