I am still in love with my former high school teacher

Hi everyone, I am new here but am hoping to get some advice on my current situation. To premise my situation, I am 21yrs old and have never been in a relationship(I am still a virgin), have mild social anxiety and I have just graduated from university.

So, when I was about 16 and in my final year of high school I began to develop feelings for one of my teachers. He was and still is married with children and is about 20yrs older than me. I was a bit of a loner at school, and I used to like talking with him after class, at lunch time etc. and although we never really talked about anything very meaningful, mostly just about my university plans, how I was going at school, a bit about his family and other small talk, I guess I liked the attention and company and found myself falling in love with him. As far as I know he doesn't know about my feelings, and nothing inappropriate ever went on between us, so I really doubt that he felt the same way, but at the time it felt like he was paying more attention to me than other students and it made me feel special.

After I graduated from high school I went back to see him a couple of times a year as the years went on until eventually I decided that it wasn't healthy for me and that I would try to see if spending time away from him would help me get over him. I last spoke to him maybe 2yrs ago but did see him briefly about a year and a half ago at some school function, although I avoided speaking to him. He doesn't work at my old school anymore, either.

Anyway, despite my decision and the fact that I graduated nearly 5 years ago, I still think about him quite often and even though I have tried various ways to forget him, nothing seems to work. Sometimes I will be fine for many months and will go without thinking about him but then all of a sudden something will happen to make me remember and I will spend the afternoon feeling depressed and lonely.

The stupid thing is that when I think practically I know that there is no future for us, besides from the obvious reasons(like his wife, and the fact that I have no evidence to suggest he feels the same way) we actually don't have a lot in common anymore and I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life with him as it just wouldn't work. Still, I am stuck, because even though I know all this, I still love him and can't seem to figure out why or how to stop.

I really want to move on with my life and want to stop feeling as I do but something I can't seem to figure out is holding me back.

I would really appreciate some advice,

Thanks a lot

Hello UYOM2007: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. I don't know that there are any secret solutions to this problem... something you just haven't heard about before. This is simply a fond, but in its way disturbing, memory that is stored in your brain. The good thing is it is not a traumatic memory.

Trying to eradicate, or stuff down, memories does not work. They simply keep coming back stronger. I personally have a lot of memories I wish I could get rid of. I can't. What I strive to do is to allow these memories to arise, breathe into them & smile to them. I may even place my hand over my heart as a sign of lovingkindness & compassion for them. After a few moments I then drop the story line & simply stay with the underlying emotion until it fades of its own accord. Thoughts have no power over us beyond what we cede them. We can learn to sit with them & still keep our balance. I wish you well...

I have a similar experience. For me, love is also like this. The affection and presence of people around me have very little effect on how I feel.

Except for two people. One 14 years ago, and one since 6 months. I fell in love with that first person after knowing her for about a year. We only saw each other a few days a year. I would have seen her far less if I wasn't deeply in love.

I am a very rational person and being in love was something I didn't think I was capable of. The whole experience confused me greatly. It was as if I realized why I didn't like romance and being in love, as if I knew that love for me was more irrational and powerful than for other people.
Initially, it was just a new experience and I just had to accept I was capable of falling in love. There was this idea it might be or become mutual, but my rational side sabotaged any attempt of her having a nice romantic experience with me.
But after a while, I became worried about how obsessed I could be with a single person that I didn't see very often.
Back then I felt like I had one shot at love, and that was her, and it wasn't going to happen. It was very painful, but also an emotion that I felt brought a lot of character and passion to my life. Looking back on it, it is hard to see the positive effect of all that emotional 'colour'.

I don't know how long it took. About 5 years I think. Very slowly my feelings ebbed away.

Not thinking about that person, that was not a solution. My brain has too much ability for fantasy, introspection. My internal world is too rich.

Not meeting her did work.

People always say to fall in love with someone new to get over the pain of the old love. I can't understand how that is possible.
But still maybe that is the solution. You say you don't think about him for months. If it is gone in that period, maybe you, unlike me, can find someone more healthy to love.

Maybe, with each person you love, getting over it becomes easier? And 'normal' people do this as children so when they are adults, it is more manageable for them?

You are a 21 year old girl (assuming). As a grumpy 32 year old male student who interacts with 21 year old girls on a daily basis; do not forget to have fun. If anything, make sure you don't have regrets.

The scars of love heal, though very slowly for me, and for you. The wounds of regret keep festering. They only get worse over time, I feel.

I know what that's like to a certain extent. I dated a guy for 6 months named nate when I was 14. We only visited 8 or 9 times during this and broke up and I haven't seen him since.

I am now 24 and engaged to my fiance and I love him dearly. However I have never forgotten nate. I still have these feelings for him and I still have dreams about him, even though that was 10 years ago.

I accepted those feelings. I accepted that I loved him and that wouldn't change, and it didn't really have to. I keep him in my heart as a good memory, regardless of the bad break up and I hope he is well and enjoying life.