[black-roses]

My mother knows I am a cam girl and shes pissed off. Meanwhile I don't care I wasn't intending to go naked but I am weak and I did I could help it. It just I was getting so many compliments and for a while my judgemental self that shuns on any sexual activity was silent and I was happy and turned on for once. I have never had a sexual desire ever since I was put on antidepressants but something about camming naked changes that. I guess my mother thinks I am crazy and no man will want me because of this. Honestly, if no man wants me over this he is not my soulmate and can suck my ****. I don't do things to please others I do for my freaking self. I am not a saint but because I did this because I wanted to know what the real difference between being a camgirl and a loving relationship. I got my answer and it is certainly a lot less glamorous then how they made it seem. I learnt my lesson camming is not for me. I guess I have to delete it now

[Crazy Hitch]

Hard to erase things permanently once they're on the web. It's pretty much out there for anyone, anytime to view. But I agree with the other posters - you need something constructive and meaningful in your life. A proper job might help.

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Hard to erase things permanently once they're on the web. It's pretty much out there for anyone, anytime to view. But I agree with the other posters - you need something constructive and meaningful in your life. A proper job might help.

That's true, but I don't think she did it for very long.

I had pictures up over a decade ago on my Flickr (nothing sexual, they were more dark and depressive) that I chose to delete. They had a Creative Commons license on them, and I know that a few were used for websites and blogs (I used to be kind of okay with my photography and people would use my stuff). I had to spend about a month tracing them through Creative Commons, asking site owners to please take my photos down which pissed some people off, but I got everything off the web eventually. Like I said above, you live and learn. I'd just hate for her to struggle with guilt over something that sounds pretty short-lived, and truly isn't going to follow her too far into the future. There are so many active cams out there that her inactive one will get buried in the ether pretty quickly, never to be seen again.

[black-roses]

I wanted to learn about my sexuality in a more invasive way. I got something out of it I realized why I was having issues with being turned on I was basically shaming myself for having those feelings. When I was on cam and flashed for a short sec all of that self restriction went away and it was like I was free. Free in my sexuality free in myself. All of a sudden that self shaming for my body didn't matter anymore. So it wasn't all bad I learnt something new about myself. I second that I will get the money and I will rollerblades and skate around when I am bored. It is what I wanted to do also their is rollerblading groups.

[Finniky]

I see no reason for shaming yourself or letting anyone else do it to you. You tried something rather risque, and many people shame women who show their bodies, whether your a celebrity who's earned millions out of it, or girl next door that experimented with something. You got to feel something entirely new but don't turn it into something that defines/controls you. I personally don't think showing your body is that bad and being a nude model for art classes has frequently crossed my mind.

I have no idea how it will reflect in future employment, and who you were working for and what not, but you don't have to list it on your resume (and definitely should not) and hopefully if they find out they wont care.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Finniky

I see no reason for shaming yourself or letting anyone else do it to you. You tried something rather risque, and many people shame women who show their bodies, whether your a celebrity who's earned millions out of it, or girl next door that experimented with something. You got to feel something entirely new but don't turn it into something that defines/controls you. I personally don't think showing your body is that bad and being a nude model for art classes has frequently crossed my mind.

I have no idea how it will reflect in future employment, and who you were working for and what not, but you don't have to list it on your resume (and definitely should not) and hopefully if they find out they wont care.

[Prism Bunny]

My brother works at a motel company as a clerk at the desk. There is a cam girl that comes in once and a while and rents out a room for about a week or two. She asked to pay extra for permission to bring her two pet dogs and to use her own bedding, picture frames, and curtains. Anything to mimic an actual bedroom. She also requested zero cleaning maids for her stay.

My brother asked why and then explained that it is mandatory to clean all rooms every two-three days.

She answered, "I don't want anyone coming in on me doing things by accident." and then she admitted she was a cam girl.

My brother was surprised but then offered accommodations that would suit her needs. From what he told me, she seems like such sweet young lady that happens to be a cam girl. She works almost all day and night, and she pays the full amount one the first day.

With that said, there are many buried secrets of everyone, both on and off the internet. My own personal history included facepalm moments, dumb decisions, and questionable acts while online. Thank goodness no one can google that up. There are websites dating back to 2000 with different usernames, and I wrote multiple posts online. I uploaded numerous creative short stories, poetry, and art over the years. I am relieved that I never deleted that part of my life's journey. Those imprints were helpful in rediscovering my true identity, and how I fixed and coped with repeated problems in my life, and that I could do it again. And to know that a kid going through abuse, neglect, and other nasty situations could still be happy and carefree gave me strength.

The fact people are using rhetorical language to guilt you disappoint me. Their judgemental opinions do not support you; they disrespect. Even if they disapprove, you need more than, "Go outside and get a real job." That is not helpful. You feel sexual freedom and pleasure as a cam girl, and that is fine. As long as you see a therapist, and you two discuss the reasons behind it, and you stay safe when camming, then go for it.

You know, you should read about some famous women in history that felt and encouraged sexual freedom in their time, and how they shaped how sexuality is viewed today. Bettie Page is one of those women, and I adore her. She worked within the underground and bravely faced off against censorship and prohibition against nudity and explicit pornography throughout the 1940s and 1960s.

So, I rather support and keep you safe than have you be guilted. So please keep us updated and remember to see a therapist.

[black-roses]

That's very beautiful thank you. It has taught me that I don't have to be ashamed of my body and its okay to get out of that rigid thinking of being "too perfect". I guess in a way it was like repelling against all those people that told me to be ashamed of my sexual expression. I feel more empowered then shamed knowing that it isn't the end of the world. It's also loosened up the self restriction and social isolation I put myself in because I was worried about others controlling me and oppressing me with their agenda. I guess I used in a way that I could finally do something for myself then letting others shame and control me into social expression. Doing this for 2 days not even made me realize that I shouldn't be letting people control me with their opinions and agenda. I can create the reality I want and go live it. I don't know if I am going back but I did enjoy it for those moments. I also found that I know what to do now I think I will apply for jobs in the skating rink etc.

[Prism Bunny]

Exactly! Beautifully written, Black Roses. And now that you understand yourself better and realize that the world cannot sculpt someone when they have the strength to mold themselves. Society loves to alienate and isolate the few that go against the flow. Always remember to question and take everything with a grain of salt. Cultural oppression exists every day, in every form. Be the flower growing between the cracks in the cement.

And skating rink sounds fun! As long as you feel like you can show your true self while in a safe environment, go for it. I rather you flaunting those colors than hiding them because of choice words by others. So, good luck!

[seesaw]

Black-Roses

I just wanted to second the opinion that many have given that you did this for such a short period of time, it's probably not going to come back to haunt you. I actually admire you for having the guts to bare yourself sexually like that and do something so exhibitionist. I wish I had the guts to do something like that.

Seesaw

[Tsukiko]

Me, too, seesaw!
If I didn't have extra weight, I'd attempt burlesque.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by Tsukiko

Me, too, seesaw!
If I didn't have extra weight, I'd attempt burlesque.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using Tapatalk

The burlesque group in my town has all shapes and sizes! They are awesome!

[TheWell]

Please keep this thread on topic. Responding to and supporting the OP is appropriate.
Thank you,
W

http://forums.psychcentral.com/rules...-8-2014-a.html

[Onward2wards]

Roses, I see you making progress in defining boundaries that are right for you. Congratulations.

[Tsukiko]

black-roses, you know you have my support, but I'd like to state again that I am happy that you are coming to your own conclusions and making your own decisions concerning your body and your sexuality. This shows progress. You should be proud.