[Yismymindblank12]

I am saying someone who i feel is worth it, but it does stress me out alot. I don't know what to do.

[Crazy Hitch]

Agreed.

Totally.

All relationships require work and commitment to keep things going.

What aspect stresses you out the most Yismymindblank?

[Yismymindblank12]

Feeling like I'm going to pull my hair out on being pulled between feeling joyed and happy someone gives a damn and being too involved in personal space and the fact she is always on my phone paranoid that I'll leave her

[Crazy Hitch]

Paranoia is a hard thing to have to deal with I'm sure. She sounds insecure.

[Artchic528]

Hey, at least you have one.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

...the fact she is always on my phone paranoid that I'll leave her

This right here is probably the hardest part to deal with, which is convicting to me because I tend to be the one that gets paranoid. For me, speaking form the paranoid and fearful, insecure person I can tell you what has made me feel more secure in relationships.

There are some people who just get stressed out and when they do it tended to actually exacerbate the problem for me. if you can, and if she's any thing like me, try not to show this stress to her and get upset about it. It feeds the paranoia and gives the person even more reasons to fear the other person will leave. Kind of like a "now I've done it. now they really are going to leave" Remember that this paranoia is almost entirely internal and not based on what you do, at the core but will exaggerate small things that happen, blow them out of proportion. like how you say goodnight one time, may trigger paranoid responses if the other person is at any level, on edge already. but it's still not your fault and you cannot change her thinking actively or control it.

What works? be consistent in letting you know you're there, happy to be there and if you do, miss her when she's not around. insecure and paranoid people want to hear that they are needed or useful and important to someone so the more you do this the more she will believe it. but be honest, if that's not true, I'm not saying to lie about it. but if you are happy with her and see her as an important part of your life and valuable, tell her as often as you can possibly remember.

When she's paranoid don't make a big deal just let her know "you'll see you can trust me, in time. and let her know that you're not going anywhere.

HOpe this helps!

[Yismymindblank12]

I already ended it today sorry, it's for the best because I'm moving to dallas in a few weeks don't do long distance. I don't care for relationships much, I doubt we were compatible and it was too fast and too intense. It happens.

I feel we weren't compatible I fell out of feeling for her after her getting on me so much, it was too much. I made a huge mistake by getting too involved too fast.

I don't care at this point, I'm more focused on moving and getting on with my new life down south west.

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

This right here is probably the hardest part to deal with, which is convicting to me because I tend to be the one that gets paranoid. For me, speaking form the paranoid and fearful, insecure person I can tell you what has made me feel more secure in relationships.

There are some people who just get stressed out and when they do it tended to actually exacerbate the problem for me. if you can, and if she's any thing like me, try not to show this stress to her and get upset about it. It feeds the paranoia and gives the person even more reasons to fear the other person will leave. Kind of like a "now I've done it. now they really are going to leave" Remember that this paranoia is almost entirely internal and not based on what you do, at the core but will exaggerate small things that happen, blow them out of proportion. like how you say goodnight one time, may trigger paranoid responses if the other person is at any level, on edge already. but it's still not your fault and you cannot change her thinking actively or control it.

What works? be consistent in letting you know you're there, happy to be there and if you do, miss her when she's not around. insecure and paranoid people want to hear that they are needed or useful and important to someone so the more you do this the more she will believe it. but be honest, if that's not true, I'm not saying to lie about it. but if you are happy with her and see her as an important part of your life and valuable, tell her as often as you can possibly remember.

When she's paranoid don't make a big deal just let her know "you'll see you can trust me, in time. and let her know that you're not going anywhere.

HOpe this helps!

Btw I took your suggestion and was doing that before reading this, she drained me emotionally after we had a stupid bad experience with a foursome. I'm not doing that again. I learned how inexperienced I am with relationships now, because all I've been around is people who aren't really working towards a relationship rather we've been good together, but this won't work with me being gone and she can't move down with me, because she has a kid.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

Btw I took your suggestion and was doing that before reading this, she drained me emotionally after we had a stupid bad experience with a foursome. I'm not doing that again. I learned how inexperienced I am with relationships now, because all I've been around is people who aren't really working towards a relationship rather we've been good together, but this won't work with me being gone and she can't move down with me, because she has a kid.

well, we're all new at relationships somewhat for the simple fact that each one is rather new and unique and we have to figure out new things most times with another mate. don't be hard on yourself about your inexperience. I dunno if being "experienced" at relationships is really a positive sign because in order to do that one has to have been in many of them right? Well the idea of being in many relationships kind of goes against the idea that the person really is doing well in them in the first place! Embrace your inexperience hahah.

I understand though, if you'd been doing those things already and it wasn't working there isn't much more you can do, esp. now that you're distanced. Just find someone more secure and independent and you'll do better in the relationship or go it alone for awhile because in truth that's never actually a bad thing - even if being in a relationship is the eventual goal.

[2Waves2]

Getting out of a relationship is hard too ... I just broke up with my boyfriend, he was the most serious relationship I've ever had. I don't know if I made the correct decision or not ... in a lot of pain right now. I was already feeling pretty down about life in general, and now? This certainly isn't helping.

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

I already ended it today sorry, it's for the best because I'm moving to dallas in a few weeks don't do long distance. I don't care for relationships much, I doubt we were compatible and it was too fast and too intense. It happens.

I feel we weren't compatible I fell out of feeling for her after her getting on me so much, it was too much. I made a huge mistake by getting too involved too fast.

I don't care at this point, I'm more focused on moving and getting on with my new life down south west.

Well you definitely did the right thing - for yourself and her, too. Best to be honest and upfront if you aren't compatible. Good luck with your move.