[leomama]

Hi everyone, I got hazn's permission to pull his/her quote from a reply to a new member's thread and post about it here.

I have a question if you're interested... do you think there is any comparison between a relationship with a narcissist, and a relationship with someone who has aspergers? In terms of their behavior, or otherwise? Aren't they similar in some ways?

I have been wondering the same thing myself. I have done a lot of reading and footwork on relationships with pwBPD and pwNPD and now I'm starting to read about and do work on relationships with pwASD. In my experience and the communities I've belonged to or belong to, it doesn't really matter whether or not the person is diagnosed, as the behavior is still the same and affects the other person in the same way.

From what I've read ASD can present like BPD and NPD and even psychopathology on the surface even though the reasons for the behavior is different. I don't know how to categorize psychopathy, I don't know if its a PD or something else. I've read that its close to sociopath or ASPD but that's not an area of my expertise. In my personal experience I banked on a pwASPD traits, that was not for me. I don't know if its even possible to have a relationship with a pwASPD traits, but that's for another thread.

Has anyone else done any reading or thinking about the similarities and differences between how NPD and ASD present in a relationship?

[yagr]

I have a question if you're interested... do you think there is any comparison between a relationship with a narcissist, and a relationship with someone who has aspergers? In terms of their behavior, or otherwise? Aren't they similar in some ways?

I have Asperger's. I'm also in a relationship with my wife of thirty years. Since we don't always see ourselves as clearly as others do, let me ask you: Did you see narcissistic behavior, thoughts of beliefs present in my recent post about compatibility?

That doesn't answer your question about whether they are similar. They might be but I'm not necessarily a good person to ask. My mother was a narcissist and I'm loath to think we share those qualities. That loathing might not allow me to be as objective as I need to be to give you a good answer.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by yagr

I have Asperger's. I'm also in a relationship with my wife of thirty years. Since we don't always see ourselves as clearly as others do, let me ask you: Did you see narcissistic behavior, thoughts of beliefs present in my recent post about compatibility?

That doesn't answer your question about whether they are similar. They might be but I'm not necessarily a good person to ask. My mother was a narcissist and I'm loath to think we share those qualities. That loathing might not allow me to be as objective as I need to be to give you a good answer.

No I did not and thank you for your answer. My mother may also be a narcissist, and unfortunately a psychopath too, which goes even deeper. I started reading psychopath free yesterday and already have identified her in some of the 30 flags of a psychopath and I'm only a third of the way through. What was even more striking is I finally saw why I am a perfectionist, which was addressed under one of those flags. I'm still unsettled from that epiphany. It is not because it is a character defect, it is because my mother is a psychopath. I've had laypeople try and help me with this, but this goes way too deep for laity to help me with.

The only reason I say may is because she has not sought out help nor been diagnosed, then again if she were a narcissist or especially a psychopath she would not be seeking out help.

It gets tricky with narcissism because there are narcissists coming forth these days and seeking help, even on psych central.

I appreciate your feedback.

[fairydustgirl]

A long time ago I actually looked this up as to the behaviors of asd/npd/schizoaffective...as I was involved with an sza man for a while...a lot of behaviors he told me about, especially as a child pointed towards asd but his diagnosis as an adult went from bipolar 1 to sza/bipolar type. I just noticed the behaviors of those other 3 disorders are so similar and especially the way they affected me as a partner. He had several other disorders on top of the first and was a complicated man.

I am currently involved with a man I suspect is asd, I don't want to ask but there are a LOT of characteristics I see. I find our friendship to be difficult in ways but still I am trying to stick it out. I can't find it in myself to leave him for something he has no control over any more than I would want him to leave me for my bipolar disorder (which he doesn't know about yet either)

I'm not a professional in psychology or any of that, but have a lot of experience in facilitating support groups with people who have different mental issues and doing personal research on disorders that I was not familiar with so that I had an idea of what I was dealing with in the group members. I wanted to know whether a group member was showing symptoms of illness or was just being a jerk

I think there are a lot of symptom overlap/characteristic overlap with a lot of different mental issues...especially those that affect thought vs mood.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by fairydustgirl

A long time ago I actually looked this up as to the behaviors of asd/npd/schizoaffective...as I was involved with an sza man for a while...a lot of behaviors he told me about, especially as a child pointed towards asd but his diagnosis as an adult went from bipolar 1 to sza/bipolar type. I just noticed the behaviors of those other 3 disorders are so similar and especially the way they affected me as a partner. He had several other disorders on top of the first and was a complicated man.

I am currently involved with a man I suspect is asd, I don't want to ask but there are a LOT of characteristics I see. I find our friendship to be difficult in ways but still I am trying to stick it out. I can't find it in myself to leave him for something he has no control over any more than I would want him to leave me for my bipolar disorder (which he doesn't know about yet either)

I'm not a professional in psychology or any of that, but have a lot of experience in facilitating support groups with people who have different mental issues and doing personal research on disorders that I was not familiar with so that I had an idea of what I was dealing with in the group members. I wanted to know whether a group member was showing symptoms of illness or was just being a jerk

I think there are a lot of symptom overlap/characteristic overlap with a lot of different mental issues...especially those that affect thought vs mood.

Thank you very much for your thoughtful reply.

Having experiencing facilitating support groups counts, I have experience chairing 12 step groups so I can relate.

I appreciate the comment about symptoms of an illness or being a jerk. In my case father's case he is definitely showing symptoms of an illness, after listening to me for a couple of sessions a former therapist gave me the diagnostic criteria for NPD in regards to my dad. My current therapist is working with me further on this. My dad is a jerk too, but the harm he does to other people goes beyond that. If an order is identified then it can help you understand why that person is the way they are and what caused it.

You sound like a very compassionate person.

It sounds like your relationship with your friend is rather harmonious and he hasn't hurt you in any way?