[DelilahRose]

I'm a 19 year old female living in Chicago. I think my family is the source of my low self esteem and anxiety. I was born to a woman who loved drugs and the fast life more than me. My Dad took me away from her and my life has been hell since. When I was 3 years old my Dad introduced me to a woman and her daughter named Anna. She is now my little sister. We've always been in competition. For me it was mainly for my Dad to show he loved me more. For her it was the material things. She's a very selfish person, if something doesn't go her way she would make the whole family feel terrible. It's gotten to the point where she'd call the police on my dad, curse at him even though she's a young girl and treat him ways his own daughters wouldn't. And she'd still be welcomed back with open arms. For the past few years I've really started to notice how terrible everyone in my family treats me. My Dad is very controlling and tries to make all my decisions for me. He made me become a competitive swimmer and I enjoyed it when I was younger, but when I reached the age of 10 it became unbearable. When I turned 14 it got to the point where me and my Dad would constantly fight over me quitting. Growing up I felt like I couldn't express myself in my family. Especially to my Dad because he'd tell the entire family my business. If my Dad didn't agree with what I was saying he'd yell, and when I'd try to fight back he'd yell louder. It got to a point where I stopped talking to him completely and that caused a lot more of our problems. He'd beg me to talk to him, but I just couldn't. Finally at 17 he let me quit, and he was devastated. He would apologize to me and say swimming wasn't the only thing that made him love me, but I knew it was. He'd promise that we'd hang out more and do more father/daughter things, but I'm now almost 20 and haven't had a conversation with him in person that's lasted longer than 5 minutes. I have two older sisters named Heather and Scarlett, they're from my Dads previous marriage before I came along. Growing up they were my mothers sort of. Heather is the oldest and really took care of me and loves me, but now every time we speak she will literally try to challenge me, belittle me, make me feel like I'm stupid lost and have no direction what so ever. I know that she loves me but she continuously make my self esteem get lower and lower. Scarlett and I are the ones who butt heads often and I would say has caused the most self esteem damage, she lives for tearing me down. Every time I try and speak to her she brushes off whatever I say. Even if she understands what I say she'll try and make me feel stupid for it. If we're in a group whether it be her friends or our family she'll try and single me out and attack me for things that aren't even my fault. Ex. She lost a pair of identical jeans I have, and claimed I had them. She borrowed a choker and never returned it last summer. One day all of the grandchildren were visiting my grandma and I had chose to take my choker back and wear it. So while we're visiting my grandmother for some reason she decides to attack me about the choker claiming I stole it from her like I did the jeans. Me being weird, and having social anxiety I don't have quick comebacks so I stumble and just tell the truth. But the way my voice is no one ever actually believes what I say, they always make me feel like I have no validation in my speech what so ever. So it turns into a serious and heated argument because I felt vulnerable and weak. 4 days later she finds her jeans, but of course I don't get a proper apology. Scarlett is the most selfish person I've ever met.
My grandmother has done pretty much everything for my family, but my family can't stand to be around her which has caused her to become depressed.
But because she handles so much of the family business my family would have to interact with her to get things done and their money so they'd always send me as their messengers.
I never complained because I love my grandma, but its to the point where my family doesn't visit her for weeks.
I don't ask my Dad for much, but as soon as I ask for something he would make me feel guilty for asking for it so I'd quietly be ok with not getting it. Like I said earlier whatever Anna asked for and didn't get she'd make sure the whole family felt her wrath. She makes my life very uncomfortable because she can disrespect my father in ways I wouldn't think imaginable. Whenever I do throw little fits or show my Dad I'm displeased with his answers he'd make me feel 110% awful and tell me I'm selfish and all I care about is myself. Meanwhile I see his mother in a month more than he has in a year. Also I do literally whatever my family tells me while Anna, Scarlett and Heather will not and will get away with it. Now for my last major family member, my mother. I remember times when I was younger when I'd cry just because I wanted my mom. As a little 3 and 4 year old girl all I wanted was to see my mom and my Dad wouldn't let me. But I do believe now that part of it is because she didn't try enough, she knew where I swam and went to school she could've made efforts to see where I was. Majority of my memories with my mom are of her stalking my phone for money and then us not talking for a week and then a repeat. Whenever I couldn't give her money she'd make me feel guilty.My family puts way too much pressure on me, and makes me feel awful every chance she gets. She'd always tell me lies about how things happened the way they did and I now want nothing to do with her. My family puts way too much pressure of me. They make me feel like what I'm doing is never enough and never will be enough. Now at 20 I feel like I don't have a connection with either my Father nor my Mother. My family doesn't respect what ever I have to say and makes me feel like an imbecile. I just need advice and help. I have no one to talk to. My friends are unfortunately the same way, they make me feel like I need to be babied and need extra help understanding things. This only touches the surface of what I feel and go through. I know this is long, but if you got this far. Thank you for reading and please give feedback.

[Bill3]

I am wondering what you are doing now. How readily are you able to get away from them to college or to your own place to live?

Have you the chance to see a therapist?

[avlady]

i was going to tell you to get a t too, just try it out.

[divine1966]

I suggest you make an effort to become independent and move out. As an adult you are under no obligation to engage in drama. Do you work? Do you go to school? Both? I agree with others about therapy too

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[lovethesun]

So sorry to hear how poorly you've been treated by your family members. I think it's a gift that you are now a legal adult and you can move out and get away. I don't know your present situation with school or a job, but I agree with the others on that. You can enroll in some classes and find a job so you can get out and into your own apartment. And I'd just keep following that path to becoming more and more independent. Leave them in the dust and don't look back. Just watch out once you find success, these may be the type of people that will suddenly come knocking on your door and act sweet as sugar if they need money or something. Reminds me of the movie "Million Dollar Baby. Shut them out at that point like they did to you and don't give them anything.