[eminic]

Sorry this is long!

I've been in a serious relationship for roughly 8 months now with another girl. We both met while we were living and working in the US, and were together there for about 2 months before she had to return to her home country. About a month after she left I decided to join her, so I moved to be with her, and for the first few months it was fantastic.

However, not long after Christmas, she started working 2 different jobs and since then she's been gone most days/nights. We spend very little time together compared to when we first got together.

I have pretty bad anxiety, which I've always had medication for and never had any major flare ups or big issues as long as I was on my medication. Since moving to my GF's country, I had to quit my medication because I can't get it here. Basically, I have no health insurance here and I've been trying very hard to find work but it's been way more difficult than I imagined it would be.

So things have been a little stressful. I dealt with the withdrawals pretty well. I got over feeling sick all the time, and thought "ok great, I can do this" and I was excited because I was feeling great for a while. I thought maybe I was at a point in life where I was actually better and wouldn't need the meds again.

But since my GF has been working so much, and I've been so alone (I don't know anyone else where we live) and the typical symptoms of over-thinking, worrying, jealousy, paranoia etc. have all slowly started to roll back in.

The past few weeks have been especially bad. My bad mood/feelings have clearly been affecting my GF. She knew from the beginning about my condition and always said she could handle it if it got bad. But I don't think she realized just how bad I could get. She tries really hard not to get stressed with me, but she does snap sometimes, and I completely understand. I've told her that I don't expect her to be a magic miracle worker with me. I love her so much and I'm grateful for everything she does for me.

She has also been starting to show signs of having something of her own. She has never had any mental illness or conditions, but I think she has been developing some kind of depression because she works so much and is exhausted, and she has a lot of general life stress (for example, we're a same-sex couple and her family don't approve, but that's a whole other story), and she actually really hates being in her home country but she can't afford to be anywhere else right now.

I want to be supportive of her, but it's so hard with my own stuff getting in the way. Any tips?

Last of all, I have an option to return home to my own country where my family lives. My mother has offered to book me a flight. This would allow me to see a doctor and get my prescription back on track, and also I'd probably have a much higher chance of finding employment, so it would be nice to not have to rely on my GF to support me financially. But I feel so scared about it because I really don't want to leave my GF for so long (she wouldn't be able to afford to join me until maybe Dec/Jan and long-distance for me is very hard). Even with my medication, I'm worried I'll still feel so alone/anxious. Also, I know my mother doesn't have a lot of money, so I really have been leaving this as a last resort.

I just get stuck sometimes worrying about how to get through all of this. I know it's a lot, and this doesn't even cover all of our issues. But any advice/opinions/tips would be incredibly appreciated!

[Bill3]

Why did she start working two jobs?

[eminic]

We're in South Africa right now. The economy is awful and wages are at a ridiculous bare minimum. At one job, she's earning the equivalent of about US$3/hour. So it's rather common for people here to have multiple jobs.

This is actually another issue we have. Our initial plan when I decided to come here was that we would just work for a year so she could catch up with friends/family and we could both save some money to move on and head to my country where life is much easier. But after realizing what the work situation here is like, I'm not feeling very hopeful anymore. I haven't given up completely, and still apply for jobs every day. I just have no idea what we're going to do. Like I said in my first post, I could have my family help me with flight money to get back to my own country, but that's scary relationship-wise. I absolutely hate the idea of leaving my GF behind. I keep thinking positively like "what if tomorrow is the day I get some kind of work" then at least we can stay together even if it takes us way longer then we first planned to save money and get out of here.

[eminic]

I just posted a really detailed answer, but it didn't appear and now I've lost it. Hmmmm.

Basically, we're in South Africa right now and the economy is awful. At one of her jobs she earns the equivalent of roughly US$3/hour.

Our initial plan was to just spend a year here so she could catch up with friends and family, and we'd both work/save money and head to my country where life is much easier. It's just such a struggle. Didn't realize the work situation here was so terrible. I have no idea what we'll do. Like I said in my first post, I could have my family help me book a flight home so I can look for work there instead, but who knows how that will go and how long it will take. I absolutely hate the idea of leaving my GF behind.

[s4ndm4n2006]

To be honest, with your option to be able to move back home, I want to give you my input.

I know it would be hard to maintain long distance but you should consider the alternatives too. Assuming, from your writing that it was spoken about between you and your gf, that she would join you later, keep in mind it is temporary distance.

With that being said, consider that right now you are dealing with mental issues that affect your relationship. you have no options for medication and it sounds like you are completely on your own (without docs, I mean) there. The thing I want you to think about is the outcome of long term problems with this stress without help, on your relationship. Over time, the stress this is putting on you and your gf both will take it's toll and worst case could ruin your chances for a happy future.

negative of moving would be the long distance thing (again assuming it's temporary eve if all the way in dec) but it's offset by the fact that a big chunk of your problems could easily be eliminated. You would gat the help and/or medications you need. When she joined you, most likely you'll be much more stable anyway. Also keep in mind that her depression and issues right now may be tied to yours and working a lot plus having to cope with your anxiety regularly. So potentially your moving back, getting help would also help relieve some of her stresses and depression.

I dont' know if this is the best option for you - the move back, I mean. But.. in my perspective from looking at the whole situation and considering all factors, it does seem like potentially the better option of the two.

Hope this helps.

[Trippin2.0]

Where in ZA are you?

I may be able to help you find some MH help...

[eminic]

s4ndm4n - thanks for your opinion! It really does help to get other people's perspectives when it comes to things like this. I still haven't reached a final decision, but I am really considering every little detail and trying to work out what would be best. I am starting to think it really just comes down to the lack of work thing - if I had some decent work, my GF wouldn't have so much stress with supporting me AND it would get me out of the house and give me something to do. So perhaps I just need to continue trying really hard, hope that it happens soon, and maybe even give myself a deadline so if it doesn't work out soon then I can go with the plan to head home.

Trippin - I'm in Cape Town as well. Keep in mind the lack of money, but if you have any ideas for something incredibly cheap/free then I'm completely open to anything! Super appreciate any ideas. Also, I know it's a long shot, but since it looks like you're in Cape Town, if you just happen to have any ideas of places hiring, I'd appreciate any tips in that area as well. So far I've handed out CVs all around city centre where we live (close to Long St), and I check online all day. I'm not highly skilled, but super motivated, so just looking for admin/hospitality/retail type stuff. Like I said, I know it's a total long shot, but I'm getting desperate so I pretty much ask every person I come into contact with haha.

[Trippin2.0]

Don't worry, I understand the desperation. Job hunting in this city is a b!tch.


I don't pay for my MH care, which I receive from a government facility.


Any public health care clinic should be able to help you or at least refer you to a clinic or hospital that can.


What would definitely help is if you have your doctor email u a referral stating your diagnosis, that's stamped and signed.

[sugahorse1]

From Cape Town, South Africa too!

[Trippin2.0]

Hey Sugar! Nice to see you around these parts!!! I've missed u my friend.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Let us know the update on this, I'd like to hear how it's going since you posted!

[Crazy Hitch]

Originally Posted by eminic

s4ndm4n - thanks for your opinion! It really does help to get other people's perspectives when it comes to things like this. I still haven't reached a final decision, but I am really considering every little detail and trying to work out what would be best. I am starting to think it really just comes down to the lack of work thing - if I had some decent work, my GF wouldn't have so much stress with supporting me AND it would get me out of the house and give me something to do. So perhaps I just need to continue trying really hard, hope that it happens soon, and maybe even give myself a deadline so if it doesn't work out soon then I can go with the plan to head home.

Trippin - I'm in Cape Town as well. Keep in mind the lack of money, but if you have any ideas for something incredibly cheap/free then I'm completely open to anything! Super appreciate any ideas. Also, I know it's a long shot, but since it looks like you're in Cape Town, if you just happen to have any ideas of places hiring, I'd appreciate any tips in that area as well. So far I've handed out CVs all around city centre where we live (close to Long St), and I check online all day. I'm not highly skilled, but super motivated, so just looking for admin/hospitality/retail type stuff. Like I said, I know it's a total long shot, but I'm getting desperate so I pretty much ask every person I come into contact with haha.

Ohhhh nice to see a Saffa!!! I was born in Durban but emigrated to Australia in 2008.