Do girls consider outgoing guys more attractive than introverted guys?

Shadix · Jun 17, 2016 at 02:04 PM

People often act as if being outgoing is no better than being introverted, and it is considered totally acceptable to tell someone to their face that you see them as more introverted. For example people at work have said that about me. But at the same time, I often see people say that more outgoing guys are more attractive to girls than more introverted guys. If this is the case, then isn't it an insult to tell someone they are introverted? It is basically like you are telling them they aren't as attractive as the more extroverted person. In my book that isn't ok. Next time someone tells me I am an introvert should I tell them to go eat a turd?

TishaBuv · Jun 17, 2016 at 02:13 PM

If people tell you that you are an introvert, it must mean you are quiet and shy, withdrawn. I agree, their telling you that is a criticism. They're not complimenting you on your lack of personality. They're saying you are boring.

If you tell them off, you are then introverted and hostile.

As far as do girls like introverts or extroverts more, it's probably pretty balanced. An outgoing person usually partners with a more reserved one. Being an introvert isn't bad. But if people tell you that you are, yes, I think they think you are boring, and that can be frustrating to other people. You need to hold up your end of the conversation. You need to contribute something. Nobody likes to have to bring everything.

Shadix · Jun 17, 2016 at 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

If people tell you that you are an introvert, it must mean you are quiet and shy, withdrawn. I agree, their telling you that is a criticism. They're not complimenting you on your lack of personality. They're saying you are boring.

If you tell them off, you are then introverted and hostile.

Ok, I am boring. Now what? Is there a way to change that or is it just the way I am? Perhaps my slow processing speed makes me unable to think of things to say in social situations? What then?

TishaBuv · Jun 17, 2016 at 04:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

Ok, I am boring. Now what? Is there a way to change that or is it just the way I am? Perhaps my slow processing speed makes me unable to think of things to say in social situations? What then?

So when you are part of a conversation, you listen to what people are saying, and you are processing that information and not having reactionary thoughts? Is that what you think is happening?

Do you have reactions once you do process? Is just takes you longer?

Shadix · Jun 17, 2016 at 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

So when you are part of a conversation, you listen to what people are saying, and you are processing that information and not having reactionary thoughts? Is that what you think is happening?

Do you have reactions once you do process? Is just takes you longer?

Yeah probably. I took an intelligence test and I got a really low score on cognitive processong speed.

TishaBuv · Jun 17, 2016 at 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

Yeah probably. I took an intelligence test and I got a really low score on cognitive processong speed.

You should talk to your doctor about that. You might just have a processing issue, and that can explain so much of your relationship issues.

Imokay2 · Jun 17, 2016 at 02:34 PM

I think people are stupid in general and prone to pidgeonholing others in whatever way they feel like at the moment. Being an introvert or extrovert are just the tip of the iceberg for the true dynamics of what either characteristic brings to the table. So what if they say that? You will just alienate more people if you're hostile about their lack of knowledge.
It's true though, people who are gregarious and outgoing attract more attention. But, who cares? You get to choose who you hang out with. You should definitely be true to yourself though.
These guys who attract lots of attention don't give a damn about anyone else, unless something makes them look good. And then it's only temporary to fight boredom. They leave a wake of unhappy people behind them. I bet you don't want to be like that.
If it's a girl you want you just have to brave it out and talk to her. I'm guessing you don't really believe that a guy is better off having all the girls swooning after him. That's just silly.

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s4ndm4n2006 · Jun 21, 2016 at 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Imokay2

I
These guys who attract lots of attention don't give a damn about anyone else, unless something makes them look good. And then it's only temporary to fight boredom. They leave a wake of unhappy people behind them. I bet you don't want to be like that.

You're talking about a small group of men here. Extroversion does not make you conceited and shallow. There are some that are attention seekers and are like what you describe but this definitely is not a feature exclusive to extroverts

Imokay2 · Jun 22, 2016 at 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

You're talking about a small group of men here. Extroversion does not make you conceited and shallow. There are some that are attention seekers and are like what you describe but this definitely is not a feature exclusive to extroverts

Hmmm, I realized after you said this that I projected a recent experience on this persons post, and that sounded kinda...dumb. I have met extroverted people who don't just take everyone who comes their way like a temporary fixture. It's true. But I was thinking this person needed to hear the other side of things. Other people said it best when they said there are all kinds if people who are attracted to things other than extroverted behavior. And other good advice. Chalk one up to posting too early in the morning with a heartache.

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Alone & confused · Jun 17, 2016 at 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

People often act as if being outgoing is no better than being introverted, and it is considered totally acceptable to tell someone to their face that you see them as more introverted. For example people at work have said that about me. But at the same time, I often see people say that more outgoing guys are more attractive to girls than more introverted guys. If this is the case, then isn't it an insult to tell someone they are introverted? It is basically like you are telling them they aren't as attractive as the more extroverted person. In my book that isn't ok. Next time someone tells me I am an introvert should I tell them to go eat a turd?

Personally, I don't go for the guys who are always the "on the go all the time", life of the party type. I like a man who's content to sit at home and be intimate, or who keeps to himself a little. I don't like feeling as though THE WHOLE WORLD knows more about my man then I do, if that makes sense. I don't mind some socializing or anything, as long as it doesn't interfere with one on one time. But then, I'm more of a home body too.

divine1966 · Jun 17, 2016 at 04:03 PM

In what context did they say that? Being introverted isn't better or worse than extroverted. It's what it is but why do they even bring it up?

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Shadix · Jun 17, 2016 at 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

In what context did they say that? Being introverted isn't better or worse than extroverted. It's what it is but why do they even bring it up?

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They don't just straight up say it out of nowehere, it is typically that they would be talking about people's personalities or who is introverted and who is extroverted and I would always be labeled as shy and introverted.

Crazy Hitch · Jun 17, 2016 at 04:43 PM

I thought about my thoughts before posting and it seemed cliched but here's how it goes for me personally.

Being introverted or extroverted is of little significance to me.

What matters most is how someone treats me and interacts with me in front of others and equally important how they speak to me 1 on 1.

Outgoing is not what attracts me.

Kindness and genuine do it for me.

Shadix · Jun 17, 2016 at 04:46 PM

Also something I should point out is that when I try to force myself to talk in an attempt to avoid being boring, I end up saying stupid things and people seem to generally find me annoying as hell. So I don't really know what to do. I am basicallg in a lose-lose situation.

A Red Panda · Jun 17, 2016 at 06:29 PM

You're not in a lose-lose situation. You are just finding another thing to blame.

I am a mix of introvert and extrovert. I often act more extraverted as I leaned how to - but inwardly I am quite introverted. When I was younger I was definitely shy an introverted.

I like extraverted people. I like introverted people. I have had relationships with extraverted men. I have had relationships with introverted men.

Introverted doesn't mean boring. It means that you are more internal. Often quiet, sometimes shy. But boring? No. I know lots of very amazing introverted people whom I am never bored with. I also know plenty of extraverted people who bore me to death!

Talthybius · Jun 17, 2016 at 07:01 PM

As an introvert, I can almost for 98% say I am sure in general being extrovert is more attractive to females.

And female extroverts are more attractive to males. Just ask yourself this question. What do you prefer?

And even when the introvert is actually more attractive, you won't notice it as fast.

Of course, every day many people fall hopelessly in love with introverts, but I would say not because they are introvert.
And there's a lot of extrovert losers out there.

That said, you can learn to be extrovert or fake yourself as an extrovert.

I can relate to being slow to generate a response in social environments. Some people instantly have the exact best counter or continuation. For me, sometimes never pops up. Or an idea comes up and you want to second guess yourself and you discard it, but then no alternative emerges.

Trippin2.0 · Jun 17, 2016 at 07:12 PM

I don't understand how its an insult unless you are outright choosing to take offense.

If you take a personality test, like the Myers Briggs for instance and it states you're introverted, will you also feel offended?

Sigh 😔

Obviously both introverts and extroverts find love, there is no "favorite", its part of the whole "opposites attract" rule. There are obviously exceptions to the rule, like my bf and I.

Both introverts, but have excellent social skills when necessary.

Extroverts, or people who appear to be extroverted, just make it easier to approach them, or to relax in their company, they're not superior to introverts.

You don't have to be an extrovert to learn good social skills.

Shadix · Jun 19, 2016 at 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

I don't understand how its an insult unless you are outright choosing to take offense.

If you take a personality test, like the Myers Briggs for instance and it states you're introverted, will you also feel offended?

Sigh 😔

Obviously both introverts and extroverts find love, there is no "favorite", its part of the whole "opposites attract" rule. There are obviously exceptions to the rule, like my bf and I.

Both introverts, but have excellent social skills when necessary.

Extroverts, or people who appear to be extroverted, just make it easier to approach them, or to relax in their company, they're not superior to introverts.

You don't have to be an extrovert to learn good social skills.

It is not offensive assuming that they are just two different personality types and neither is better than the other.

But if it is true that introverted men are unattractive to women, then it becomes offensive to call me an introvert. If introvert = unattractive and unattractive = offensive, then by the transitive property, introvert = offensive. Make sense?

Jun 19, 2016 at 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shadix

It is not offensive assuming that they are just two different personality types and neither is better than the other.

But if it is true that introverted men are unattractive to women, then it becomes offensive to call me an introvert. If introvert = unattractive and unattractive = offensive, then by the transitive property, introvert = offensive. Make sense?

Who told you introverted men were less attractive? Maybe less attractive to the person who said it but not true of every woman.

divine1966 · Jun 17, 2016 at 09:18 PM

If you have low processing speed than it explains why you have difficulty communicating. Yet people with very slow processing speed often have cognitive difficulties which you don't seem to have ( judging by how well you write). The only people I know with slow processing speed but overall average intelligence and ability to express themselves in writing are people with ASD. I am not attempting to diagnose you but that's what I do for a living so I am wondering. I wish I could communicate with you in person and observe. I recommend you see your doc and discuss it. It might help you figure out why yo are struggling so

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,533 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,280 hugs given	Jun 17, 2016 at 04:03 PM #11 In what context did they say that? Being introverted isn't better or worse than extroverted. It's what it is but why do they even bring it up? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Shadix Account Suspended Member Since Oct 2014 Location: USA Posts: 988 9 5 hugs given	Jun 17, 2016 at 04:46 PM #14 Also something I should point out is that when I try to force myself to talk in an attempt to avoid being boring, I end up saying stupid things and people seem to generally find me annoying as hell. So I don't really know what to do. I am basicallg in a lose-lose situation.
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