Dealing with guys who stare at women....

I no longer really encounter this issue that often these days due to being heavy, but surprisingly, there are guys out there who still stare at me. I still don't really know how to react to them, so I normally try to get away from them or ignore them. I'm married and not looking of course.

Anyways, on a recent trip, my husband told me that a lot of Indian guys were staring at me. I didn't notice that. I don't dress that sexy. I wore maxi dresses most of the time. I don't think that I'm that pretty either although some people think that I'm pretty still. I did see one guy stare at me in the elevator, and wow, that made me feel so awkward! It was obvious that I was with my husband, so why would I still get stared at?

I think that it's VERY rude to stare at a woman! If a guy finds a woman attractive, he should just glance at whoever he's attracted to, but not STARE! That's just weird! And these are mostly adult men who do this! Not teenagers usually! I sometimes feel like giving them dirty looks. I can't always do that in some cases though.

For example, yesterday we went out to dinner with some relatives and this creepy old guy who was with a female companion STARED at me almost the whole time we were there! I'm in my early 40's, but I look 30 to most people. So that made things weirder considering that he looked like he was at least 70 years or older! WTH? Ugh! So rude! My husbands back was to him, and I couldn't say anything to anyone at that time.

I did look at that guy with this what are you looking at look a few times, but that didn't stop him from staring at me. I looked around, and yes indeed, he was staring at me and not someone or something else.

Anyways, another guy who was in his late twenties to early thirties was staring at me at this one attraction. Again I was with my husband. I noticed him taking pics of some flowers close to me a few times. I thought that it was just a coincidence, but then I saw him standing next to me when I was taking a pic for a long time. I then noticed him for sure when my husband went to the bathroom. He didn't go to the bathroom.

He followed us and then just looked at me. I didn't know what to do, so I just looked at him briefly with a what are you looking at look and then looked away. Later my husband told me that he noticed that too. He usually notices these things a lot more than I do since he tends to be more observant. He isn't the jealous type, and he even feels a little flattered that other guys find me attractive, lol!

Guys, can you offer me any insight into this weird behaviour? I don't get why a guy would stare at me when I'm with my husband. And like I said, I'm fat and I don't even dress that sexy. I have a large bust, but I don't show cleavage. According to what I hear on here and the media, it seems like most of you find heavy women repulsive, so this makes no sense to me. I'm a size 12 and huge at 185lbs. I'm only 5'4.

And ladies, how do you deal with guys who just stare at you? Do you give them dirty looks, or do you smile at them if you're with your husband or b.f? Or do you just try to ignore them? My husband did confirm that they guy seem like he was interested in me sexually, the last guy who stared at me. And he said that about the other guys who stared at me, both young and old ones.

It happens to me on a daily basis and it is the bane of my existence. I HATE it. It's so rude, intrusive, and sometimes really scary.

Just this Friday, I arrived at a restaurant to go on a date, and I got there first so I was alone at the table. A guy maybe 50 or 60 years old (I'm 31 and look younger) came up to me and he asked if he could sit down at my tabl! I said "no, I'm on a date." Instead of leaving, he stood there and tried to make conversation with me. I politely asked him to leave, and he said "geez, I was just trying to be friendly" and rolled his eyes at me. He acted as though he were entitled to my time and attention, even though he was intruding and bothering me! I was trying to keep an eye out for my date, since it was someone I was meeting for the first time, and he was blocking me from being able to see the entrance and making me nervous and uncomfortable. Finally, my date got there, and she sat down next to me. Twenty minutes later, the guy came back around and tried to insert himself again!

Then, on the way from the restaurant back to my car, when I was alone again, two men approached me and said "where are you going looking all dressed up and beautiful." I ignored them and tried to walk as far away from them as possible, and they just kept calling after me. It scared me because it was after 10pm and dark out.

I've been told before that because I'm young, thin, and pretty, I should "expect" this behavior. I disagree. No one should be stated at or harassed, no matter what she looks like or what the circumstances are. When I'm in public, I want to be left alone by strangers so I can see the people I came there to see or do the errands/activities I am there to do. I am not an object and it is not my obligation to attend to the wants or egos of the men who also happen to be there. It is my right to be left alone.

FYI: the comments about race on your post come across as racist/offensive, so you might want to delete those. Your point comes across without bringing race into it.

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Wow, sorry to hear that! That is very rude, intrusive, and scary! You politely but firmly let those guys know that you didn't want to talk to them, so it's stupid that they'd be offended by that. That first guy has a real problem as he still pestered you after you made things clear to him. Maybe you should've taken it a step further and have the manager or one of the bouncers tell him to leave you alone or risk being kicked out for bothering you.

I'd do that the next time a guy bothers me when I'm somewhere I want to be left alone. That hasn't happened to me in a long time, but I've had some guys tell me some wildly inappropriate things when they were drunk. They were guys who I barely knew who knew that I'm married, and yet they still touched me and propositioned me for sex, at least two of them did, ugh! I didn't even flirt with them!

I was just alone, that's it. The fact that you're young, thin, and attractive to guys is always going to attract their attention unfortunately. I'd be careful about walking past questionable guys at night. I'd walk across the street to avoid shady looking guys or anyone who did or said anything to make me uncomfortable. I'd also always park near the place I'm at too and try not to walk anywhere alone.

So, why do you think guys do that, just stare at women? it's so weird! And creepy too. Even if a good looking guy that I liked stared at me, I'd find that to be to much too. Especially if all they did was stare w/o even trying to talk to me. And the fact that I was with my husband too made things even stranger.

I didn't mean to sound racist in my comments at all. I just edited my post as to not offend anyone. I was just pointing out that in some cultures, they don't think of certain behaviour as being rude, that's all.

Just curious, why does their age and the fact that you look 30 as opposed to 40 matter? Are you suggesting it is ok for a 70 year old guy to check out a 40 year old woman but not a 30 year old woman? Whether you are 30 or 40 a mature, you are an adult woman.

And what if they were teenagers? Would that make it ok?

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OK, forget about age then. I'll just focus on the fact that staring makes most women uncomfortable. Should I take it as a compliment?

Also, I'd like to to know why some guys do this. Especially from other guys. I know that it's partially due to the fact that men like looking at women they think are attractive to them.

But don't most of them get that staring to much at a woman is a bit rude and off putting to most of us? Especially when that's all they do? I'd think that an adult man would know better than that. I'd expect that behaviour of a teenager probably, but not adult men.

I'd just glance at people if I thought they looked cool, interesting, or anything like that. I wouldn't even stare at a handsome male movie star even if he was sitting right next to me. Maybe that's because I'm shy and female? Idk. Apparently I'm not the only female on here who finds staring uncomfortable.

If someone literally stared at me for an unnecessarily prolonged period of time ... creepy. I wouldn't go so far as to give them the "look" of discontent though.

I'd just utterly ignore it.

Don't feel the need to defend how you dress, what you wear, the size of your boobs etc. Who cares. Staring is staring and rude. It's their issue, not yours.

A quick second glance, well, I'm not going to complain

Men often stare. It's just what it is. Now less than when I was younger of course as I am 50. But they still stare. If I am in public I just politely smile back or say hello then they stop staring. lol when alone I of course wouldn't do it

I try not to let it bother me unless I am alone in the dark. Then it's scary

The ones that stare are just rude, they don't care if you are married or single or on a date.

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They stare because they are just horny, creepy guys and they find you attractive.

I don't let our eyes meet and walk past them. That tells them I am not interested.

I've had this problem since I was a teen.....I'm 54 now. Sigh....

They were either never taught it's rude to stare or they don't care. I esp. have that problem with older men, who always try to talk to me after staring forever. Makes me want to poke their eyes out.

I've found the best thing is to ignore them. (I know this can be hard; it takes real effort on my part believe me!) A reaction or attention is what they really want, be it positive or negative. That's my opinion. Even giving them the evil eye implies they are worth even THAT effort, and they are not.

So many men out there are SO UNCOUTH. And older men are not necessarily better behaved---they can be worse than younger men.

I typically stare back with a blank.....kinda are you freaking kidding me look...

Works most all the time..

If they are insistant as hell I typically get up in there face ( mind you if this is in public) and said quite loudly ... Would you want a guy looking at your Mother, Sister, Wife or girlfriend like your staring at me??????

I'm kinda a bytch like that lol

Did you ever wonder what would happen if you took them up on it?

My girlfriends and I had a promiscuous phase in high school. . We lived in a beach resort town. We'd go to the hotels during spring break and pretend we were tourists, picking up guys.

This one time, we found a little gang of guys in the lobby. They were staring and nudging each other, not knowing what to say, frozen deer in the headlights. We whispered to each other about what to do as well.

All of a sudden my friend, E, just motions 'come here' with her hand. They dart after us. We lead them out to the beach. There were 7 of them and 4 of us. I looked back and see two or three guys walking with their hands all over E. I don't even remember exactly what happened. We rolled around in the sand with them for a little while, mostly laughing our butts off and kissing them.

We never even got their names. We just referred to them as the street gang afterward.

Yet another post singling out "older men". I am really wondering why the guy's age should matter at all. Is the problem the staring or is it the fact that an older guy is attracted to you?

Also, you are 54. When you say "older men" are you talking about 70 year olds or are you just talking about men your own age as opposed to 20 year old boys? If they are your age, they are not "older men", they are men your age.

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I normally don't even try looking at guys like that usually. I tend to just ignore them or try to get away from them as fast as I can. If they do get out of line with me like those guys did with me that I mentioned before, then I'll speak up for sure! I did tell one guy to eff off after he said that he had a big **** and that if I wasn't married, he'd take me to the nearest hotel and eff me. WTH? LOL!

Glancing is OK here and there as long as it's not in a pervy way of course such as glancing at a woman's chest in an obvious way! lol!

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That's what I thought too, lol. I know that sounds a bit silly coming from an woman my age, but I have very limited experience with guys personally. I don't think that I could ever smile or say hello like you do as that might give them the wrong impression that it's OK to approach you when all you're doing is being polite.

I guess in a weird way, we should take it as a compliment that some men still find us older ladies attractive? Idk.

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LOL! That's what I thought too! I wasn't quite sure of things at first since I have very limited experience with guys. I tend to ignore them too unless they get out of line by saying or doing something inappropriate, then I speak up for sure!

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First of all, I love your cat pics- I love cats too! You're right about what you said. That's what I thought too. I just wanted to know how other women react to that. You're right, it's just ignore them.

LOL @ the wanting to poke their eyes out sometimes! Sometimes I feel like asking them if their mother ever taught them that it's rude to stare or something like that, lol! It does seem like some older men can be even ruder than some of the younger guys which is weird. I've had a few middle aged guys give me weird up and down looks a few times. WTH is up with that?

I just look at them weird after that. If they want to check me out, then can't they do it discreetly as to not creep me out? Or do they do that on purpose to make it clear that they are interested in a woman sexually? I'm confused about that! Why can't they just be more discreet like most of us ladies?

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LOL! I like your style! Ha ha, how do most guys respond after you tell them off?

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Wow, that was bold of you and your friend to do something like that. It sounds like you two enjoyed yourselves back then. I could never be that bold. Taking chances like that is to dangerous, especially now. There are to many weirdos out there who have no respect for women. The media has confirmed that many times unfortunately.

Eeeew *pukes*

That guy telling you about his endowment is such a bogan!

Lol I don't think of myself as older lady lol

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