[Shirt1212]

Been no contact with my mom for just about a year. It's been hard especially since I have 2 small children at home and I feel guilty for keeping them away from her but she had already started her poising. The sad thing is that isn't even what caused me to go no contact. She came to "help" while I was pregnant with my son. My daughter my 14 month old daughter was in love with frozen, so of course we watched it all the time lol 8 months pregnant with a 14 month old, any distraction to get the dishes done. Anyways after let it go my mom tears in her eyes holding my daughter whispers to her "don't let any man make you sing that" that was my life growing up in fear. Men were the enemy, no my mother wasn't a feminist she needed a man to get buy but they were all out for one thing. And I get it she shouldn't have married my dad, her father told her she was ugly and teased her. I get where she is coming from, but to start to put that on my daughter my 14 month old daughter, especially when my mom knows nothing about my husband. She just assumes he's abusive, assumes he mentally abused me and tries to force me on fad diets (I've never been on one we started eating organic when I was pregnant, oh and I had severe morning sickness so I had food aversions while pregnant). I just don't understand how she does this.

The first time she met my inlaws was my husbands going away party, we were dating a few months at that point and he was going into boot camp. She walked in gaurd up, ok meeting new people can be scary. She at the party says to me that my father in law is "hitting that" their chiropractor, they stayed for all of a half hour and left. After wards my mom tells me that my husbands brother was creepy because he was taking pictures. He was a photography major at the time and it was a family party. When I defended him she said well your sister was the one that pointed it out that he was taking pictures of her boobs.... He was not. She then made it out like the whole family was creepy and basically I should run. Now my inlaws aren't perfect, and I wouldn't call any of them best friends or anything but who does that.

What's funny is she loved my ex and his family and everything she has accused my husband and his family of my ex and his family did! My mom thought I had to pay for all of my dates with my husband, no we shared. Know why we shared because my ex made me pay for all of our dates and wouldn't even go places I wanted to go. I know how ****** that feels to have to pay every date so when I would invite him out I paid, he fought me tooth and nail on this but I did. My mother thinks my mother in law hates me, she might not be my number 1 fan but she doesn't hate me. My exs mother hated me, she thought I was a slut and imoral. I can't even blame her she was going thru menopause and dealing with a lot of **** at home. It's just how can you make assumptions about people but then have bad people Infront of you and not see it.

My mother is an alcoholic, she drinks cases of beer, she's been drunk more times than I can count. She was upset that my daughters birthday was BYOB. Now I've never been a drinker, I had some rough times when I was younger from 20-24 where when trying to fit in I drank way to much, nothing bad happened really but I didn't like myself. I didn't like hang overs I didn't have fun. Since then I have a few drinks on occasion just enough to laugh relax my tolerance is literally 2 now and I'm ok with that lol. I also don't drink at family parties I don't drink with my kids, well scratch that if I drink it's one with the kids never more than that. And I'm not guilting anyone this is just what I'm comfortable with. I honestly wish I could go back and show my 20 year old self how to enjoy things. Hell I'll mentor myself to do a lot of stuff different but that's beside the point. My mother doesn't respect this she thinks I've some how changed, she applauds my sister for being the hangover queen, for drinking me under the table. It's just sick.

I've just been feeling down lately, everything in the news it scares me. Not yo the point I'll stop living but I have no outlet. We move around a lot my husband is in the military and I do have friends here. Nothing close enough to talk about this stuff, I have no mother I can even call, not that it would do any good she would just make it about herself or yell at me. I have a condition that makes pregnancy hell, all I wanted to do was sleep after a trip to the ER and no sleeping because of vomiting all night. But my uncle was there with his kids and wife to visit so she made me get up. I hadn't showered in a day my hair was in a bun my clothes were clean because I peed myself throwing up and got throw up on my shirt. So I changed. Instead of protecting me, instead of sitting by my side like I know I would do for my kids she woke me up, yelled at me and made me come down stairs to sit at a table with greesy food because that's proper. Because she's more worried about what they are gonna say about how rude I am and how she raised me. She's more worried about people judging her than the pain, confusion and depression I was in. I couldn't imagine doing this to anyone. And on top of that she instigated a fight between me and my sister, my sister wanted to take me out to a bar or club to hang out with her during this trip home. I was sick I was tired hell even if I was just normally pregnant I wouldn't have wanted that. I asked her to come to our grand parents house we could rent movies and hang out. Anything to stay in my pjs and be close to a toilet. She flys off the handle at me, I'm selfish I deserved to be this sick because I asked for this. (We had been trying to get pregnant for almost a year) she never came over. I cried I still cry. The wedge she drove between me and my sister all while crying that all she ever wanted was a sister. That I need to be best friends with her.



Ok I think I'm gonna end that her. If you read it thank you, I'm sorry it was long and rambling but I just have to get it out. I have been to therapy basically just told me I need to understand my mom won't change make a choice (no contact my choice) and move on. I have done that but it's still not easy. And continuing therapy isn't really an option at this moment in time, she's an hour away (only one available) and I would have to go after my husband gets home from work (5) she did all she could for me and I love her, I wish she was closer. But I can't take that time away from my kids and my husband. So for now I'm gonna write on here. When things get suck in my head and I have a rough day I'm gonna write them on her.

I will not put this **** on my kids like my mom did to me. Thank you all so much. And if this is the wrong place to post this just let me know where to post from now on.

[Crazy Hitch]

I hope you may have felt a bit of relief writing this

I know my dad used to project some of his issues onto me and I'd have to remind myself that they're his issues .... Not mine. So kudos for not putting this onto your kids.

[Trippin2.0]

Wow, your mother is a piece of work!


I personally would not have been able to live with that for any length of time.


I'm glad you posted and hope it helped to get it off your chest.


Kudos to you for getting rid of the toxicity, for protecting yourself, your children and definitely kudos for not repeating her appalling behavior.


No contact is no easy fete, you're doing a great job, please don't doubt that.


Sending you hugs and healing vibes

[unaluna]

Hi shirt! Good on you for going no contact i know the feeling - everything and everybody else is more important than you are. Well not anymore! Not here.

[healingme4me]

I hear you about not bringing to your children the dysfunctions of the past. Good for you.
I went no contact with my father for a decade. And am currently on limited contact with him. I bring this up because, although after that decade long rift there's some sort of reunification that occurred, at the same time it was because he had demanded that my children know him. Oh they do(with a trace of sarcasm as I've let my kids decide for themselves without my influence). That was 12 years ago. There was no real apology. No real acceptance of accountability. So, um, if that could happen in my case, it's a scenario to consider if you get any wonderment moments.
Things are cordial. Things are long distance. Some things never change, he has his own patterns of behavior that keep a nice thick wall between us.

You aren't alone.

[Shirt1212]

I went low contact first but after we went home for a get together I started therapy and had to block her. I got a nasty letter and some other stuff. I don't pretend to know what I'm talking about but I suspect she is a narcissist or at least has tendencies. She also doesn't have a life, she doesn't take care of herself, her house, her dogs. I know she can only help herself but in her eyes I'm the problem I'm the one who turned my back on her, I'm disloyal and don't have time to sit on the phone with her for hours a day while she rehashes the same stories I've heard and telling me way to much information about my step dad but never actually working on their relationship.

This is a big can of worms.

Thank you all so much for replying I don't like journals and it's comforting to put it out there. I have had to hide so much and defend my mom tooth and nail that it's freeing to tell the truth.