[black-roses]

Tell me it is weird that I would ever want to get close after all the hatred that has passed through my heart… I feel sad angry and hopeless the words of love angers me more I want the world to know how much I hate romantic love and how I wish it will always die before it begins in my world. Anger for it is a perilous distraction and illusion that keeps me from my goals and my separate identity, growing up I was learnt to believe that love was control, violence and fear but that isn’t why my heart is filled with hatred. I have become addicted to the emotional pain of lost, the anger and despair of perceived betrayal that I don’t even fathom what love could possibly look call me what you will. A hater an angsty young adult a troubled human being but these are my beliefs, feelings and now it has become my personality to destroy everything with hatred and anger but never sure what I am really angry at. Was it the denial of love from others? Myself? Why is it that I never know but I feed on pushing others away and hurting and hating and unforgiveness that controls my heart and pushes the world farther away from me...

I hate because I feel so much pain the same unforfilled spot like a hole in my soul that appears to have no cause. Just a depression that I forget how I created it because I have been feeling these internal feelings for so long that I have become accustumed to feeling this way that to teach myself new emotions would require another view on this situation and how I got here. A review on my life leading back to the start while I am circling around in circles as it seems right now.