[Melodysmooth]

My parents live 20 hours away, they live on the south we live on the east coast. They've lived with us for a couple of months two years ago, but left due to petty drama. My parents were quite protective with me even when I moved out with my husband. We've had our ups and down but in the end we still care for them. Now, we're getting a house soon, and getting more stabled so my husband told them that he would like for them to come. Although, my parents are stabled with their jobs where they currently live at they were determined to move because, where they are now they don't have much family they feel very lonely and the housing market is expensive, compared to where we live at.

Our plans were have them move in and they can stay in the second room of the house while they get settled in, no charge at all just save money and get settled.

But, now I just found out that I am pregnant while this is exciting news..it also created a lot of stress because I know all the drama that's going to come. We are now worried because once I told my parents the news that I was pregnant, the first thing they said was, "that's great news! we're moving in that same month you give birth". We know they're excited and would be great help, but it's also a little worry that they can get too attached to the baby,not give us space, (they're already attached to me as it is) and they always feel lonely, I don't want to think this way about them because they are my parents and soon to be my baby grandparents and they deserve to love it just as much, especially my dad this will be his first grandson. But, my mom was already making certain comments like, "the baby can call him daddy instead of grandpa"..maybe that's nothing but, I know how sensitive and over protective my parents can be.

Now my husband and I want our space once I give birth at least for the first couple of months (that's all we're asking from them), my husband is going to take 3 weeks off once I give birth so he's going to help out and I don't mind my mom or my husband mom or anyone being there to help out, but we're talking about having my parents them move in right away. Also, that gives us some time to create those memories with our first baby together, and dedicate our time to it.

So, I told my dad don't take this the wrong way but instead of coming the same month I give birth, maybe you can come to visit and can you give us a couple of months with the baby and that way it also gives us time to construct another room for you guys since the second room will now be the baby's room. This also gives them a lot more time to save money as well which they don't have.

When I told them this, all I got from my dad was "well, you're going to need help from another woman there and okay..whatever you guys want, I was offered another place to stay so I'll see what I do and I'll let you know".

Now, today my mom called me and she told me my dad was distraught, that he's not coming over for the holidays this year, and that they're not coming to move either. AND she kept asking me "well is your mother in law going to be there with you the first months?"..That they wanted to be there when the baby was young, and I said you can still be there..I am just talking about when it comes to moving in, at least give us 5-6 months with the baby alone before they move in! Why can't they just respect and understand that..am I wrong??

You are NOT wrong. Not even a tiny bit. Keep those boundaries strong and do as you and your husband wish. Congrats on the baby!

P.S.: This might entertain you ... when I had my baby my mother INSISTED that my husband, myself and the baby needed her help. Her solution ? For the three of us to move into her house while she worked full-time. lol

[Melodysmooth]

Thank you! I just wish they were like, "hey I want you and your husband to have your privacy for the first months just let us know when you're ready". My mom is playing the guilt card like always.

I even said we will construct a room for them so when they come they're prepared they just want everything their way. All we're asking for is a couple of months after..what is so wrong with that

[Bill3]

Now, today my mom called me and she told me my dad was distraught, that he's not coming over for the holidays this year, and that they're not coming to move either.

You might want to read up a bit on emotional blackmail,

Emotional Blackmail ? Out of the FOG

All we're asking for is a couple of months after..what is so wrong with that

Nothing! My suggestion, though, is that you not think of yourself as asking, but rather informing. You are informing your parents as to when you choose for them to come and stay at your house.

[Melodysmooth]

Thanks! Yeah, that's exactly what it is my parents are real good at emotional blackmail. They've always done so. Guess, I just have to stand strong with this one this time and it usually hurts but sometimes you can't make everyone happy.

[divine1966]

Yeah unless my parents become ill and need full time assistance, they aren't moving in with me. You don't need to ask them, you just tell them. I am very close to my daughter yet I wouldn't tell her I am moving in. Gee. Stay strong. Be polite but stand your ground

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[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Melodysmooth

Thanks! Yeah, that's exactly what it is my parents are real good at emotional blackmail. They've always done so. Guess, I just have to stand strong with this one this time and it usually hurts but sometimes you can't make everyone happy.

STay strong, yes and sometimes it can get worse at first as they try harder to make things difficult for you and black mail you some more but in the long run, things will be much better. Just keep your eyes on the big picture and don't get caught up in the momentary relief you get by giving in.