[black-roses]

I hate myself because I saying i am not going to do something and then I cave everytime and you know what I get **** ****ing **** I am so pissed and I don't want to say what happened coz it hurts and I can never quite talk about it.

[Onward2wards]

There are times I have the assertiveness skills of a doormat and the communication abilities of concrete. It sucks and it hurts, and all I do is make up a funny metaphor to deal with it. (((roses))). But why beat ourselves up over it while not changing? Let's try to understand it and fix it. How do you want to act instead, next time? Figure out what you want, and change your behavior (partly taking to myself here too).

[Whisper888]

Hey..I'm a softie as well. But when I start to feel like people are taking advantage of me, this is what I do. I check my price tag. People only value you as much as you value yourself. Maybe u have been under pricing urself. It's time to say...I matter. And I'm worth more. I won't be treated like this. Keep saying it to urself over and over until you believe it. Take care

Working on my self-worth gave me the confidence to say "No." The two really are very much connected.

Try to keep yourself busy and active enough away from those things that are tempting - find other things to do. Also, give yourself multiple choice of things to do. This will make it easier to opt for something else.

[black-roses]

Yeah, I realize this and it is also realizing that sometimes standing up for yourself even if it causes someone else scorn and then they learn from what you did and they change their behaviour towards others nothing is more satisfying and positive.

[black-roses]

Sometimes you have to accept that they scorn leads to better things and them improving there behaviour so that they aren't then feeling scorned when someone calls them out on there behaviour.

why does their behavior matter in the first place?

[Marylin]

I have similar issues I am one of life's softies and get mugged off and also I embarrass myself,it is hard to live with myself at times.It is worse because during my childhood and adolescence years I was surrounded by aunts and cousins that were jealous narcissists and their favorite weapons were to embarrass,scandalize and shame us.My aunt was the type would run her fingers along the top of our wardrobes to find the dust and thus have a reason to humiliate us.Her house was perfect when we visited cos she knew we were coming but she'd turn up at ours unannounced and always used to say my mum(her sister in law) was dirty.My mum worked full time whereas she was home all day!Ever since then I have this spot where I am vulnerable to being shamed and humiliated and my boundaries have never been strong,I often didn't know where I ended and others began am still like that at my weakest.