[Lolly88]

I need some help.

My best friend and I decided 2 weeks ago to give a relationship a go, basically we stopped pretending we were just friends.

He was fully aware that I had a relationship with his brother and said he had got over it. We slept together a week ago and now he is saying whenever we kiss or anything else he can't stop thinking about me and his brother.

Last night he said he couldn't get over it and ended the relationship. The last 2 weeks of being with him and sleeping with him has made me realise that I do love him and that my relationship with his brother was not love. He is supposed to be my best friend and we have always been comfortable telling each other everything but now he's throwing it back in my face and I feel like I've lost my best friend as well as my boyfriend.

I need to know the reason why he can't get over it and figure out if we can still be friends. I just need to understand!

Any advice would be welcome!

Thanks!

You can only speculate what's he's thinking... there could be some pretty heavy Cain and Abel action going down. If he can't be more expressive about how he feels, what can you do? He may not even realize exactly what he is feeling. The situation is emotionally complex and playing out in short order; how can you be sure of your own feelings? Let things settle out, don't demand any immediate answers or solutions and re-engage in the situation, if you must, after some time away. Adapt, improvise, medicate, overcome, and repeat, though not necessarily in that order.

[Crazy Hitch]

Why did he have sex with you then He knew all of this beforehand.

Hello, lolly88.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Lolly88

I need some help.

My best friend and I decided 2 weeks ago to give a relationship a go, basically we stopped pretending we were just friends.

He was fully aware that I had a relationship with his brother and said he had got over it. We slept together a week ago and now he is saying whenever we kiss or anything else he can't stop thinking about me and his brother.

Last night he said he couldn't get over it and ended the relationship. The last 2 weeks of being with him and sleeping with him has made me realise that I do love him and that my relationship with his brother was not love. He is supposed to be my best friend and we have always been comfortable telling each other everything but now he's throwing it back in my face and I feel like I've lost my best friend as well as my boyfriend.

I need to know the reason why he can't get over it and figure out if we can still be friends. I just need to understand!

Any advice would be welcome!

Thanks!

dating a friend of an ex is hard enough, dating the brother of an ex is seriously a difficult situation to get yourself into. Honestly I don't know what he's thinking but I can't ever imagine being with my brother's mate after she had a relationship with him so it's not really that far out that he's having difficulty.

Thing is I won't say whether it's right or wrong, although I agree that he shouldn't have had sex with you knowing all this but here is a thought.

an ex can be a hindrance to a relationship, and usually is, like in the case where people have children and have to be involved with the person in question. When you have to deal with the ex and see them and know they are there and have all the feelings that go with it, it's going to be tough. Ideally the ex would have minimal contact with your mate. Sometimes that's not possible and almost invariably troublesome. Now here's the point, he's the brother, not just an ex, not just a friend or anything and he will ALWAYS be the brother and in some form probably always involved - in most cases anyway. Do you really want to have to deal with an ex that is a permanent relationship fixture in your life?

Don't judge your new mate these are issues that are not unique or unfounded. You have to work on these things, figure them out and decide if these are issues you want to deal with and whether they can be resolved. Do this before continuing the relationship.

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

Why did he have sex with you then He knew all of this beforehand.

Because he's a young dude. Most young dudes are so awash in testosterone that they will, presented with an opportunity, have sex first and consider troubling emotional consequences later.

[divine1966]

That's why it's always better not to have sex that early on.

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