[Lunnypone]

For many years I have realized that I am more attracted to older guys and not men my age. I have never told my family about my preference of age for men. Specifically my mom that seems young women date/marrying older guys to be gross and disgusting. I have no idea what to do or say to them about this.

[Crazy Hitch]

If the conversation would be too uncomfortable / intolerable / difficult for them to accept - perhaps don't have it.

Wait until you're dating someone seriously and introduce your partner to them.

Reality is they may never accept your relationships, then again they might.

It's your life to live without fearing judgment.

[Talthybius]

What do you mean with 'older'?

If you are 20 and you prefer someone aged 32, or are you 20 and you prefer someone aged 55? I can kind of see how a female may be most attracted to men near their prime. And adjusting physical prime at like 27 or so with social status prime, which is later in life, I can see how a female may prefer a man in his 30's, regardless of her own age?

And such a gap would also mellow out more later on.

I don't think you should talk to your parents about this. I would just find someone that's a really good match for you, then introduce him when the time is right.

As someone surrounded by 20 years old and being 33 myself, I fell in love with a 20 year old. If I look at others her age, I still can't imagine how I could fall for someone so young, and I wonder if something is wrong with me.

What's worse is the idea that even if she does like me, her friends and parents may not accept me for my age.
And even I myself, in the back of my mind there is this idea that a girl aged 20 that partners up with someone aged 33; something is wrong with her. I'd know if I was her father or friend, I'd probably voice my dissatisfaction clearly.

Then again, me and her, we are in our same phase of life, I probably barely have more life experience and she will catch me up on that in the next year, and she has probably more experience in relationships by far, and she will probably increase that gap in the next few years to the point where I that it will irk me a bit. And she said she guessed I was 23 max a year and a half ago.

That said, I must say that my position on this is now completely hypocritical.

I don't know how I think we would have handled the age issue if we actually got together. I guess the way I imagine it going perfectly is if she introduced me to her friends/family, they would guess my age a lot lower, the issue wouldn't come up, they would accept me, and then some day they would find out and not care about it anymore.

I did find this idea about there being more woman than one would guess who prefer older men, and that most of them have an older father themselves. I can kind of see this. If your father is clearly a lot older than your BF, it must not be so irking in her mind. If the father and the BF are closer in age than her and the BF, then maybe it really becomes odd at that point.

Anyway, age and aging bothers me now. Never expected that it would. When I fell in love for the first time, with a girl aged 21 when I was 19, I was sure I would never be interested in a younger girl ever again.

[Lunnypone]

Thank ya'll I think I won't tell them and wait until I get into a serious relationship. Guys around 30-early 50's is what I am a really attracted to depending on their personality. I'm single at the moment and the last relationship I had was with a 31 year old that my sister introduced me to.. that was a disaster! I perfer to look around myself cause I know what I like.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Lunnypone

For many years I have realized that I am more attracted to older guys and not men my age. I have never told my family about my preference of age for men. Specifically my mom that seems young women date/marrying older guys to be gross and disgusting. I have no idea what to do or say to them about this.

Why would you need to justify or even tell them what your preference is? I don't know how young you are but if you're an adult, then it's none of anyone's business who you date, regardless of their expectations. It's not they who will be with the person it's you.

[Talthybius]

It's none of their business, mabye. But they all will have an opinion.

Even I did once. The girl who I was deeply in love with, she had a fling with a married guy. She was supposed to babysit their children, but this girl I put on a pistole, she decided it would be a good idea to have sex with him 'because he was experienced, and because he deserved it as he was in a terrible marriage'. I think the male was 33 or so at that point, she was 24 or so.

It hurt me so deeply. I cried and was jealous for the firs time. Helping this married guy cheat did more for her than my company, it seems. I called her to voice my disatisfaction. She was pissed. I wasn't even her real friend. Just some guy too scared ot take it further than platonic with her, despite my deep feelings. It wasn't my business to give her unwanted advice. And I think I remember she lamented to me that all her true friends had told her the same thing, and that that was painful to her as she thought she was having a nice experience.

Now, that's not just an age thing of course. But if the people close to you disapprove of your partner, then that is hard.

[mindwrench]

My x was 20 years older than me, and my family thought it strange, weird, and destined to fail.

[IceCreamKid]

I know what you mean. I married my first husband when I was 18 and he was 87. He was so wonderful and studly; he never looked a day over seventy, right up until he was hit by a bus. Never saw it coming. We had twelve good years. I say let your family see you together and they will figure out the numbers for themselves.

[BipolarMama31]

I met my husband at 18 and he was 32. At first i told my fam he was 26. Until i introduced them in person. Then i said i lied.

But my family loves him and doesnt care about the age dif. And were perfect together. I literally never think about it unless im filling out paperwork that asks for our bdays.

[Lunnypone]

I am 23 currently.
The reason I asked was because my family (specifically my mom) hates the idea of me dating a man older then 10 years older then me. I had a male friend that was 45 that asked me to be friends and see where that goes. Well my mom found out and basically harassed me until I told my male friend to screw off and I hated even knowing him. That freaked me out and to this day I am petrified of dating anyone that my family doesn't know. I'm still freaked out even typing this...

[Lost_in_the_woods]

We do not decide who we are attracted to. Inital Attraction is a hormonal response to another based on a variety of things. I agree with much already stated that you are an adult and fully entitled to make your own decisions re: personal relationships. Many parents have a,hard time accepting our choice of romantic partners for many reasons. Some (like your mother's) are purely based on their own opinions and stigmas.. Hopefully, when you do introduce them to someone,you are serious about, they will be able to eventually accept your partner. Parents may think they have an ideal for their children's lives.. They have been dreaming of all the good things they want for you since before you were born, so it can be hard for them to change that image when confronted with a different picture...but truthfully, at the end of the day, most parents just want to know that their children are happy, healthy, and secure.
So overtime if She can see that whomever you choose to spend your life with treats you right, loves and respects you, and that you are happy...I hope she will eventually come around ....until then, you do not need to tell her the specific of who you are dating or if you are even dating at all.

[hannabee]

I'm sorry to say this, but if you marry someone 20 years or more older than you, you might have a terrible middle age taking care of him when he is old and you are not! Just something to think about.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Lunnypone

I am 23 currently.
The reason I asked was because my family (specifically my mom) hates the idea of me dating a man older then 10 years older then me. I had a male friend that was 45 that asked me to be friends and see where that goes. Well my mom found out and basically harassed me until I told my male friend to screw off and I hated even knowing him. That freaked me out and to this day I am petrified of dating anyone that my family doesn't know. I'm still freaked out even typing this...

Your mom's concern is understandable. She's old enough to know that old men really just want young tail.