[s4ndm4n2006]

*this is a post just of some realizations I've come to. Post responses if you like but just some thoughts I have.*

I have come to the realization that much of my state of contentment, happiness and peace is a state of mind, and relies mostly on the perspective and view I have of life, myself and everything at any given moment. Why is this significant for me? If you give me a few, I'll try to explain.

Recently (within the past month or so) I had a major crisis financially which for at least a week had me reeling, panicking and frankly unsure of the future. Not life ending crisis but one that could have altered my life in a major way. At the time I came to the realization that some things need to change. The silver lining being that I did indeed learn something. In a nutshell it was a spiral that begun from an unforeseen event, an expensive car repair. due to my lack of having an emergency fund or cushion it threw everything off financially for the rest of the period. I won't get into details but that's what started this, in a nutshell.

With that in mind, my thinking has shifted to prioritizing things in such a way that now even though the crisis is past, and coming payday, is essentially the same as previously, the after effects of what happened has me feeling on edge everyday. Although I will have enough for the demands that are upcoming, and it is no different than other times, I have found that I remain on edge simply for the fact that I have no cushion still and everyday I worry about something urgent/critical happening throwing things off again.

So basically my realization is that prior to this situation, my perspective was that things were fine - for the most part, I was at ease and not worried all the time financially but since then it I am not. Mind you, previously it was probably a more unrealistic perspective and overly optimistic outlook so this is not a bad thing, but dealing with the stress is hard.

My point is, on a certain level things are normal, but in my mind things are not. So getting back to my original point, it's a matter of perspective. I see things that I hadn't thought about before so it's affecting my moods. On a certain level it's uncomfortable but at the same time that discomfort is a positive thing because it is causing change in me. To move forward, to gain more financial security and think of the consequences and future more.

Perspective or view of life or one's self is critical to how one feels at all times, I believe. It is not truly just what is going on in a person's life that decides how you feel, but how you see these things that matters the most. Granted, I am not saying it's an easy or simple thing to change. Obviously that is why we have therapists and doctors to help with this but for me, this is a critical eureka moment for me.

I believe this is partially why some people can go through life and find satisfaction, peace and happiness while others can't. Some are able to see things in a perspective that allows them to see crises, or other major events differently which in turn causes them to feel differently and therefore handle things differently than others.

Please understand, I am not simplifying people's problems here in such a way that says again, simplistically to "change how you think". I know this is obvious but again, you don't just turn a switch on or off. Clearly my example in my life has shown that for decades I've been half aware of the real and present danger of life's crises happening and it took a major event to shift my thinking, something so big and critical that I feared for my future, financially.

Anyway just some thoughts. any replies are welcome, I'm interested in hearing what you all think.

[BrainFreeze]

Absolutely. Perspective means a lot. It's shaped by nature and nurture. I see so much more now than I used to and it has been both beneficial and detrimental. Personally, and as an example, I am able to better empathize with what people are going through because I see their pain. But at the same time I see more potential harm from harms I've seen happen to both myself and those I know and care for.

It's not always a "think positively" thing either. Sometimes there is just a whole new way of seeing things.

[Trippin2.0]

Now you're singing my tune!


Truer words I doubt I've heard in a very long time.


For me the eureka moment was a few months after being dxd with BP.


With my dx came the whole "you're sick you have an illness" speech and the mindset that goes along with it...


For months afterward I couldn't understand that if I've really been symptomatic for so long, how is it that I feel this bad now?...


And eureka!


I realized that before I believed I was sick, I always just believed I was a little off centre, wired differently to my friends and family.... And that was okay with me. Mostly anyway. Severe depression is never ok.


Once I shifted my thoughts back to their original setting I was no longer hyper vigilant, looking for any and all BP signs, no more waiting for the other shoe to drop, and eventually even less symptomatic (probably due to a decrease in the stress my hyper vigilance caused)...


I was lucky though, I already had a default perspective that worked for years, that I just reverted back to. So it didn't take much if any work.


I know its definitely not that easy for others because you have to shift to a whole new way of thinking and then wait for your brain to catch up and adapt.


But perspective definitely plays a huge part in our quality of life, I have no more doubts about that, and this from a major former "eff you think happy thoughts people" chick.


I think the message is way too over simplified and it tends to invalidate some of us. Maybe if there were a more effective way of bringing the message across, people would suffer less, or at least find more joy in life, even among the bullshyt we are dealt.

[mindwrench]

I think the times I have done best in my life is when I could put my life in a perspective that allowed me to function, even if just for a little while. Like a previous poster mentioned, hearing a mental health professional say you have x-y-z conditions kind of disrupted my framework.

[s4ndm4n2006]

RE: over simplification:

Something that I've come to realize also is that the triggering of change is that we need to have a strong enough emotional response to something in order for the shift to happen usually, especially when it comes to major behavioral shifts. Most people can temporarily change their behaviors and even thinking but it's only superficial and in time their internal gps reroutes them to the old familiar ways because a true change has not happened.

Things like crises like mine are major events that have to disrupt our status quo enough that we mentally hit rock bottom and you're forced to seek a new way to behave. I think this crisis moment or major emotional response is necessary for true change. The key thing here is if we can learn to trigger that strong emotional response, we can cause change without waiting for life events to make us do it. I do not know how to cause this to happen, just a thought. It's unfortunate that for most of us it's those emergencies that make us shift and change.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I said it in chat, but for anyone else who might be interested, I'll post it here:

Having that safety net (financially) is very important in-case something goes wrong. I've been saving since I was a kid and will not stop. My dad was very detertmined when he taught me the "value of a pound". Just as his was for him. Although I still panic about some money going out, I know that I can ultimately afford the loss, even if I hate it, so it takes off the pressure considerably. I also know I can, for example, help my dad with a purchase, like a car which looks plausible soon.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by IchbinkeinTeufel

I said it in chat, but for anyone else who might be interested, I'll post it here:

Having that safety net (financially) is very important in-case something goes wrong. I've been saving since I was a kid and will not stop. My dad was very detertmined when he taught me the "value of a pound". Just as his was for him. Although I still panic about some money going out, I know that I can ultimately afford the loss, even if I hate it, so it takes off the pressure considerably. I also know I can, for example, help my dad with a purchase, like a car which looks plausible soon.

Agreed about the safety net, but the thing is, I've known about this need for a long time, but for the most part it never sunk in.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Agreed about the safety net, but the thing is, I've known about this need for a long time, but for the most part it never sunk in.

Maybe it just took this experience for it to sink in. xD For me, seeing my dad struggle with money for so long is what taught me, as well as us not being showered with nice things. When I got a bit of money for my birthday or something, I saved that for even years until I found something I really wanted. Later on, it became about whether I really needed something as opposed to just wanting.