Culture Differences

I am very confused tonight. I am also happy and excited. With my past, of course a little cautiousness is always thrown in to these things. I have a friend from another country. He has been in America for about five years and is married from before his move here. They have a small child. I understand there are some marital problems, but the religion/culture does not believe in divorce. He and I have alot in common, so much, and have known each other for a long time, but are now further developing our friendship. We chatted online for the first time tonight. My personality is very open and understanding of different people, views and all different things. I am very accepting, even if I don't necessarily believe the same. So knowing that in his culture it may be okay for a man to have more than one wife or woman, I just don't know what to think. I don't believe that is a good thing for Americans to do, but he is not American. So can that make things right? I don't know how far he will want to take our friendship, but he has shown interest.

Hi there,
Being that you may be vulnerable at the present time, playing it cool and just seeing where he really is coming from would be my suggestion this way there is no wrong signals given between either one of you which in turn could possibly hurt your good friendship. I know this was probably none of my business but it looked like you were looking for some advice in your post, just thought I'd put my 2 cents in with hopes to offer some insight. Take care, I hope things are going better for you these days
"darkeyes"

The only thing I can add is to be careful. I have male friends from other cultures but a relationship is totally different. Think first if you are willing to share a man with another woman. In his culture it may be ok but maybe it's not ok for you. Wouldn't be for me.
I don't know where the guy is from but I am guessing middle east somewhere going by the info about multiple wives. Men can take a woman of different belief because in thier culture the man is ultimately head of the household and therefore the woman can change religious beliefs. If an Islamic woman takes a man from another religion they can be killed. It happened in Sweden last year. A girl was killed by her father because her relationship with a Swede was a dishonor to the religion and thus to him. There were alot of people at my school who believed it was ok for the father to do that. I only tell you this so you are aware of the seriousness of culture mixing in a relationship. I have no idea what kind of man he is or of his religious beliefs. Just be careful.
Also I recently asked a woman from Iraq about multiple wives. She said it is not common anymore and mainly rich men or men who have a strong need for more than one woman do it. It isn't usual but possible. Many now choose one wife. If you do take on more than one you are responible for thier care so mostly the rich men can do it.
Probably should've minded my own business but there's what I know.
Heidu

It sounds like the "culture" thing is just HIS excuse! This appears to be a classic "cheat on my wife" syndrom. Is that the life you want for yourself? Sorry to be so blunt but I wouldn't buy any of it! All I can think of is his poor child!

Can I please add something else that crossed my mine taken from other posts of yours on the other forums. I gather from those posts that you said you were in the process of a divorce, plus having some behavior problems with your daughter, maybe being that you are going through such a hard and emotional time in your life right now it may not be a good idea to get too involved quite yet with this guy plus let's face it he's married! You've been through a lot and you owe yourself some time to give your "heart" a rest, your nerves, and your strength. Involvment with a new guy may even be hard for your little girl to deal with too right now with all that has been going on, it sounds like you both need time now of some peace and time to heal, pulling out of the wreckage and drawing strength to begin a new life, "mylife" Take time, things will all begin to fall into place and you'll feel so much more balanced and so will your little girl, divorce can be traumatic times for all involved. Starting another relationship so soon shortly after one has just failed may just not be a good idea quite yet, but that's my opinion and I am sorry I know you probably did not want to hear it, I took it upon myself because I hate to sit back and watch people getting hurt if I know there was something I could have said or done to help prevent someone from making a mistake knowing it could bring unecessary pain and suffering to them.
I apologize if this was out of line, it is just that I care about our members here and what happens to them
Sometimes you can't be so trusting to these guys . . .
Don't get me wrong there are still a lot of great guys out there, but give it a little time and you'll see what I mean.
*hugs and good wishes to you*

"darkeyes"