Boundries (not set)

I've always found boundaries to be something that is never brought up until they are crossed. Like we don't know what our boundaries are, until someone has violated them. So, is someone has a PD, maybe their boundaries are just very build up around them like a fortress, and they are crossed for that person much more often than most other people feel they are crossed.

This about not boundaries in this thread this is about a mask being called a boundary

We are not talking about the same thing

Leomama: I think one would ask rather what am I observing instead of feeling. As feelings are not objective, as they are produced by perception and can be misinformed by a false perceptions.

How we are affected by another persons behavior is exactly why this is a problem. The idea of using a word in this case "boundary" to cover up symptomatic behavior is not healthy nor does it lead to successful interpersonal relationships. This really is not rocket science as this is quite obvious in the example of avoiding and pushing away. Or when someone is first learning how to be assertive.

Healthy boundaries are not an issue as they are heathy. The problem is when a person who has gone into therapy, learns about boundaries & using this healthy idea to cover up PD behavior.

Again judging and discernment have nothing to do with being judgmental. A person who is judgmental has a cognitive issue in relationship to what they are looking at. But that is another topic just like the topic of boundaries are another topic.

This topic is about masking PD behavior with a word that is associated with healthy behavior...

I will post a few articles on this just incase I have not been clear here.

When a child has gotten into the cookie jar and has chocolate chips all over their lips and cheeks it is not being judgmental to understand what has occurred. The same is true for using a word like boundary to mask PD traits.

This behavior can be addressed several ways for example and these are just a few ideas.

1) wanting to continue the relationship with the understand the relationship will not be a normal one and so reducing expectation of having a normal relationship.

2) the behavior is off putting &
staying in it would be stifling

3) ) stay positive and supportive but realize the relationship will be very limited. Try to work with this person and in time help them establish actual boundaries that match their values.

4) Have limited contact until you see they are able to be in a normal healthy relationship

All of these would of course take a lot of acceptance like in the case of a parent.

If someone is using boundaries as a mask, there is not much you can do about it on your end, but to hope and pray that he or she can overcome his/ her issues someday. (Especially if the people you are writing about happens to be those whom you care about).