[black-roses]

Today, I went out with my friend I was feeling nauseous and I probably wouldn't have been able to eat anything had I had a little bit of weed with my friend at a park. Yes, yes I know drugs are bad but it's hard to put weed in the same league as ice so I smoked it with my friend Jack to see if it would calm down my anxiety and I'd be able to eat. So I did. I got high and we stayed at the park for an hour before I got up and we started walking back home. We mainly waited because I still looked high and my mother believes all drugs are bad even cannabis. I reacted well to it had a few weird thoughts and messed up programming flow through my head (basically like every other day) so nothing unusual happened. Anyway, I got home ate a banana a kiwi fruit and Apple. Before I let my self have pasta and salad. I was happy that I got so much good and nourishing fruit into my stomach so that was a plus for me. Jack being the kind of person that always wanted to stay as long as he can in other people's houses wanted to see if he could somehow make mum let him stay. He put his cold hands on my knee me not expecting it because it was sooo cold. I didn't mind it I like the closeness but the last thing I wanted to end up doing was ending up having sex with him. So I kept on telling him to move cause I felt uncomfortable (he was really close and it's a tiny couch). Basically what I am so proud about is I actually told him when something was making me uncomfortable and I didn't just stay silent hoping he would move. It's a small change in my attitude of letting myself be subjugated by other people but never the less a very important one. Cause if I let others do whatever they want against me where is my sense of safety and security?