[jcl76]

I wanted to get some feedback on hear others experiences.

I am a single male and date. It’s very rare that I find someone I like and IF I do I tend to blow it off real early. It’s taking a toll on me and I finally wanted to open myself up to taking it serious.

I met a girl recently who is a really good girl, personal trainer, and just good mid-western values. We had 2 great dates back to back and she is into me and vice versa. We are both 40 years old.

Well she is very busy, independent, which is kind of intimidating to me yet no one would ever know. I am very jovial, give her a hard time, make her laugh. Why? I am terrified of getting hurt, or rejected. I had a trigger today which prompted me to come here tonight.

After a great 2 dates, on Thurs and Friday we did our own thing Saturday and I ask if she had plans, and she did which was kind disheartening. I question does she have another date etc. She is very attractive and is pursued by guys from every angle which just adds to the fear.

Well I text her this morning just saying good morning, and radio silence all day until tonight. During this time all day I stressed, eventually made all of my assumptions, and got depressed. I had already planned on telling here I don’t see this going anywhere when she texted me back. Well she finally sent me a text tonight that had good energy, and I snapped out of it and we talked about making plans this week.

I don’t get this way with just anyone but this one is just tossing me for a LOOP. I am having a tough time deciphering what is a “normal” vs the “bpd” tendencies and so forth.

Anyway thanks for reading my post as this is so helpful to me.

[Trippin2.0]

Getting depro and wanting to end it because she didn't reply "on time" is a bpd thing, being anxious that she may be seeing other guys is a "normal" thing.


Just an FYI.


I too used to experience psychological warfare with the whole texting business. To the point where I've chucked more than one phone at a wall.


Thankfully with lots of practice and therapy I no longer have texting anxiety, nor do I textually harass my bf anymore.


I'm not really sure what to say to you as I don't know anything about you. All I do know is it takes alot of insight and self awareness to untangle ourselves from the BPD. But once we have a general idea, its easier to discern between the two and behave accordingly. Behaving accordingly, eventually leads to thought patterns being adjusted, and after a while you'll witness a marked change, like me not breaking anymore phones.


Best of luck.

I am one of those people who does not text right away and miss a lot of phone calls. I know it bothers some people in my life and I always apologize and tell them it is not them, ever.

I know that it can be upsetting to people with BPD. Maybe in the future you can hint to her that it upsets you?

She very likely does not mean it to hurt you. I NEVER mean to hurt my friends with BPD. I am bipolar and can be very flaky and moody.

[Rose76]

You are pressing too hard too fast. Back off a bit. Let more time go by between times of being with her, or contacting her.

Consider the position she sees herself in. She needs time to feel out what you're about and what you might be able to mean to her. If she gets drawn into a back and forth rhythm of being in contact with you every other day, then it's like the two of you are an item. It would put you in the position of sort of knowing what she's doing all the time. In the past, when I would be dating a new guy, I couldn't stand any sense that he was quickly starting to "track" me . . . keeping tabs on what I was up to all the time. That kind of "sharing" comes way later, when two people are really "going together."

Maybe she does have other options in the dating game. Women like to shop. Your job is to present yourself in the best possible light on a regular basis, but not every second day, or every single weekend. She'll signal you when she wants the frequency increased. A well-adjusted woman doesn't want a man who seems too desperate, and she doesn't want to come across as desperate. You hanging back a bit before contacting her again makes you seem more confident. Plus you give her more room to grow in her feeling for you. As they say in show business, "Always leave 'em wanting more."

[goichi_51]

I still assume the worst when my partner doesn't get back to me right away. I agree that the assumptions are definitely a bp thing. Sometimes I can come up with whole stories, plot and everything, in my head as to why he didn't text me back right away. Then I get the text and I feel better lol. It happens and in time it will get better. I still struggle but I have found, for me, that writing everything down helps me not to focus on assuming the worst.