[fairydustgirl]

ok. so I am still seeing a couple of guys and one is M. I backed off and was going to ease out of the friendship but he came back sort of gangbusters so what I am aware of is that we have that push/pull relationship thingy going on. although I back off every time he does, we'll go a couple of days without saying anything, then he comes chasing me.

anyway, here's where I am having confusion. on the one hand we are 'friends' (with benefits), although I know I care about him more than he does me. this is what he wants, to be friends and enjoy the moment. (I am ok with friends, finding love would be nice, but am NOT looking for a permanent relationship/marriage) HOWEVER, when he texts me, he says to me 'my lover, babe, baby, sexy, beautiful, I miss you, I wish I could see you right now' things like that, to me. so...are these things people who are friends with benefits say to each other? is he sending mixed signals? or is he saying these things to keep me coming back, OR does he actually like me and scared as hell to say so? we've been seeing each other since March so...to me its not unreasonable to find that a person cares for another in that much time.

I haven't tried to make him the only guy, and there is another that I see occasionally...but so far he's the only one I have actually liked enough to want to see often and talk to. I've talked to a LOT of different guys since Jan, I have used match, eharmony, zoosk, senior dating, and POF. not all at the same time! seems the young guys want a hook up and the older guys are not particularly current.

anyway, was just curious what you all think of the 'terms of endearment' he uses towards me.

something unusual that makes me think this is why he is 42 and never married...he told me that he had considered becoming a priest until he had sex and that changed his mind. in fact I would go so far as to say he did a 180 about his religion as he no longer follows it. I just wonder if there is something in that whole dynamic that makes him unable to put himself out there for a relationship. saying he's an odd person is an understatement, but then he's seeing me so...it's not like he's hit the jackpot necessarily in the 'stable, not an odd person' dept when it comes to me!

thanks for listening...you all are so patient

I think he is kind of talking in a flirty, sexy way. I can imagine talking to someone in a FWB situation in that way.

I think maybe you would like to date him in a serious way?

[seesaw]

Yes, friends with benefits can say those things to each other. FwB is basically all the sexiness and flirting without the commitment.

[fairydustgirl]

thanks everyone, I was married almost 30 yrs so this is still new to me...dating was a lot different as a 20 something in the 80s

[Molinit]

Hmmm wanted to be a priest at one point, 42 and unmarried now. My guess is the closet, just sayin.

[divine1966]

Frankly it means nothing imho . its just flirty talk

[avlady]

Some people both men and women act flirty just to get attention, and i myself think it is fun, when both are agreeing its just for fun

[fairydustgirl]

Well, I appreciate you all enlightening me, like I said, dating is different now seems like. And the reason I say that is, my ex H and I have had to spend some time together this past weekend, we've had a family emergency...and he saw M's text pop up on my ph that said "thank you my lover" in reply to something I had written...and my ex asked me about him...I told him he was just a friend...and my ex goes 'but he called you lover'. I told him that it was not a permanent relationship but didn't go any further than that as it's not his business anyway. So, it would seem I am not the only person who would read more into M's words of endearment. My ex was the kind of person who used the word 'love' very sparingly so he would have picked up on it quickly anyway. He never liked that I would say I love a friend, even when I was talking about a girlfriend who was important to me. I love people pretty freely and that is just me.

Anyway, I am taking it as you all have suggested. I haven't seen M in almost a month anyway, we do miss one another but life doesn't always allow people to just up and go away for the day or the weekend or whatever, whenever you feel like it. He lives about 2.5 hrs away from me so it's something that has to be planned out.

[divine1966]

"lover" often (usually?) means someone you have sex with/make love to. Not per se someone you love. Your ex is right assuming it's more than a friendship as "lover" implies you two have sex.

If your bf said "my love" or "I love you" it would be something very different.