Why do some people tend to dislike people who are introverted and shy?

I know that not everyone dislikes shy and introverted people apparently, but it does seem like we're often misunderstood by most people. I get the impression that people think that we're "unfriendly", "boring", to "quiet", 'weird", etc....

One person on another message board said that they don't want to take the time to get to know a shy person since they could make ten new friends in the time that it'd take to become friends with them. I'm sure that they're not the only person who feels that way sadly.

I get the feeling that extroverts tend to get frustrated with introverts easily, and it's even worse when you're a shy person on top of that with anxiety issues, ugh! I read some stuff on here and read that some extroverts might get offended if an introvert or shy and socially anxious person declines their invites to go out a few times. They take things to personally.

Some of them also can't seem to understand why introverts don't want to socialize as much as them. Are there any other introverts out there who have experienced this? As for the extroverts out there, what to you think of people who are shy and introverted? Do you like them or not?

I know that my annoying parents have gotten very offended when I would spend time alone in my bedroom whenever they came over. It didn't help that they're very annoying, loud, nosy, rude, etc....

So, of course I wouldn't want to be around anyone who stresses me out that much, lol! They never cared about my feelings and why I needed my space. It was always about them, and sadly, that's how I perceive most extroverts to be, that if you don't give them the attention they need, then they end up not liking you for it. It seems that they need constant attention and validation to be happy. Correct me if I'm wrong here.

This is very true that we introverts can be misunderstood but I will add this caveat. We are mostly misunderstood by those that care little to actually get to know us better, or enough to understand why we act the way we do. Those people, therefore, do not matter, because if they can't invest enough time into finding out who we are they are not worth investing or wasting my energy in caring what they think of me. And yes, this is how I deal with people. If you know me, my reserved and introverted nature won't bother you as much.

This shallow person thinks numbers of friends is a more important metric in life than having quality friends you can know and get close to. Another person that's not worth wasting your energy on being upset or offended by, They have their reward. A great many friends that don't care very much beyond the superficial socializing.

Do you think you, as an introvert are just a stereotypical personality to be lumped together with all the other introverts out there or do you feel you're a unique personality with introversion as one trait in the many facets of your being? Well I ask because I'd caution against lumping all extroverts into a single group saying that THEY are *this, that or the other thing* as if they are all the same. They aren't. Like you, extroverts come in many forms and have many personalities. Not all are offended or dislike introverts.

Extro/Introversion is just one behavior. in no way should it be something you identify with entirely.

I've known many extroverts and introverts, and yes there are a few that don't understand the need for space, solitude and recharging after socializing or any of the aspects of how introverts are. but those that don't understand I will say likely have never really wanted to understand, nor have they tried to.

some extroverts are drawn to intros. Because sometimes opposites actually do attract and at times this can be a good thing where one personality balances the other. Not always but sometimes this works out.

I think their behavior falls into some of the things I've said already. It's unfortunate, since you're their child that they don't even want to understand it, though.

Fine line between extroversion and self centered, self important narcissism. There even is a disorder (I think histrionic) that will be the type of person that really needs a lot of attention and to be the center of the focus all the time. But extroversion does not equal self-centeredness. Really it only describes a person that gains energy, fulfillment and everything from without, whereas an introvert internally does so. (simplistic descriptions but I'm sorry in a nutshell that's all it is) coupled with many other aspects of personality, remember there are all kinds of personalities and they don't all fit into two groups.

There's a difference between shy, boring, and aloof. It just takes time for shy people to warm up, then i've found them to be very friendly.

A lot of the problem is that you're mixing apples and oranges. By that I mean that introvert and extroverts are virtually the opposite of each other. Introverts are energized by being alone, and crowds wear them out emotionally and physically. Extroverts can't stand being alone as it wears them out emotionally and physically but are energized in a crowd, and the outgoing a person is, the bigger the crowd they love being in.

Here's a quote that helps me cope with being an introvert as I think it summarizes us to a Tee: introverts aren't party poopers, we're pooped by the party.

Look for friends who are more like yourself. You can be casual acquantances with the social butterflies, but realize you're too different from them to ever be close friends. Don't try to be or you'll be very frustrated as you won't understand them, and they'll never understand you which will make your anxiety much, much worse.

I know your heart is in the right place here but to be honest, like I said previously let's not lump extroverts and introverts into one large lump or the other that are all the same. The only thing that's different is that one prefers and is energized by outside social interactions, generally. The other, generally is not.

Introverts are not averse to social interaction entirely nor is any introvert exactly like the other, and introversion comes in different degrees. Same as extroverts.

I wholeheartedly disagree that she should not try for fear that she will just be frustrated therefore extroverted people, in general are not worth her time? come on. That's a very broad brush you paint with. Extroverts can and will get along and enjoy introverts and vice versa. The problem lies in when either type tries to conform to what the other is. introversion does not mean NOT EVER being social but being limited in how long one can tolerate it. Extroversion does not mean they NEVER NEED recharge time either. This is all very big misconceptions from overemphasizing the trait of being either type of person.

COME ON PEOPLE IT'S ONLY ONE ASPECT OF PERSONALITY.

I guess we can agree to disagree.

I believe it's an exercise in frustration not to recognize the differences in the two personalities as they're so different. What I posted is based on what the book Please Understand Me says about the differences between the two personalities, it's not something I came up with. I've found it helpful to understand that as I grew up with a stepfather who loved the limelight, thrived in and try to force me into it which never worked. My husband went through the same thing so I have two examples of introverts who grew up with extroverts who loved being in a crowd and couldn't understand why we didn't. Check that book out, and then we'll talk, okay....

I think it's a spectrum, one end very extroverted, other end very introverted and everyone else in between - some of us hover in the middle (I tend to introversion but only moderately according to MBTI test).

From my own perspective as a moderately introverted person I will say I can find people who are extremely introverted quite difficult to read, they don't usually give out much to go on and I can find conversations harder work (at the same time I'm aware that I prefer others to do the talking myself!). That said I do know the difference between rudeness/aloofness and introversion, because of my own tendencies. There's no way I would discount someone as a friend because of that one trait even if they were very introverted, I agree with S4nd that it is just one trait and there are so many facets to a person other than that one aspect.

Also would just like to add that there is a difference between shyness and introversion, it's even possible to be extroverted and shy. I personally am not particularly shy but am still introverted in nature.

I don't think it's necessary to socialise only with others on a similar point of the introversion/extroversion spectrum personally, surely variety is good in friendships?

The only problem is if as in LucyG's experience people do not respect others wishes, but that seems to me to be more of a boundary issue.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
What you said about extroverts not really wanting to understand introverts is so true I think. Some do try, but it seems like most of them think that the introvert is the one who needs to change to fit in and be more like everyone else. Why should they make accommodations for an introvert when they don't have to? Most people are inherently selfish and set in their ways IMHO.

----------------------------------------------------------------------
Very true! Unfortunately, some people do seem to think that being shy means that person is boring, socially awkward, and unfriendly, ugh!

--------------------------------------------------------------------
I agree with what you stated in the last paragraph. I think that you're right about what you said. Social butterflies would probably get bored and annoyed with introverts very quickly if they even give them a chance at all. And introverts might find them to be to exhausting to deal with after awhile.

I've never been able to be close friends with any extrovert. All of my good friends always seem to be introverts like me. To an extrovert, they see others as more disposable since they have so many friends, they can get rid of the ones who don't "measure" up since it's so easy for them to make friends, and they always have lots of options available to them anyways, ugh!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I get what you're saying, but I'm not so sure if I could ever be good friends with an extrovert. They'd probably get annoyed at me after awhile for not being more like they are, idk.

All of my friends are introverts like me. I wouldn't avoid trying to be friends with an extrovert, but I doubt that we'd ever become good friends.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you mean by introverts are hard to read? I don't think that I am. I was told that my body language is not warm and welcoming, but my ***** sister told me that, so I don't know if that's true or not as no one else has told me that.

I think that I'm a nice open person and if others think that I'm being "rude" for not talking enough, or not smiling enough, then that's their problem, not mine.

I maybe should have emphasised the word 'can', not meaning that introverts are intrinsically hard to read. I have been told by close friends that when they first knew me I was though, and I have found this trait in others.

Body language in those tending to introversion can sometimes be 'closed' in my experience, and I include myself in that, because sometimes I actually do just want to be left alone and my posture can give that vibe out.

It's not necessarily a 'bad' thing IMO, just a difference, introverts do keep a little bit more to themselves - a friend once described me as 'cautious'. I need to feel sure footed before I share my thoughts, whereas I know sharing is not usually a big deal with more extroverted types. That's okay though.

I'm the same way, I do usually keep to myself more, and even now I'm more cautious with some friends. I find that a lot of people just don't want to deal with any problems that don't involve them. I found this out recently with one friend of mine as she said nothing about a bad situation that I told her about.

I also need to be sure of someone before I open up to them as I have been burned way to many times by people who would shun me, or worse, stab me in the back by telling others what I told them in private. So now I have trust issues.

It does seem as if most extroverts have no problem telling other people their life story and giving out all their personal info out right away which baffles me as that's just not a safe thing to do IMHO.

some good information here to clear up some of the major misconceptions and stereotypes that seem to be assumed here:

Let's Quit It with the Introvert/Extrovert Nonsense

The Differences Between Extraversion and Introversion

some excerpts:

"...Jung described extraversion and introversion as “attitude types”. An attitude type refers to the type of energy with which a person goes about life. Introversion doesn’t merely mean shy and extroversion doesn’t always mean “life of the party..."

Amen!


Many misconceptions yes and a personal pet peeve of mine, I have to admit.


I am an introvert by nature, but I often easily get mistaken for an extrovert because I am super friendly, have zero social anxiety and don't have even one shy bone in my body.


I get along with people of all types, but people generally just tire me out.


I get "All socialled out" quite easily and need to recharge for quite some time after exposure.


ETA: Oh sorry, and in response to the question in the thread title...


Shy = hard to read, hard to read can in some cases equal distrust.


So it may not be an outright dislike of the shy person, but more a "I have no idea where I stand with this person so its safer to keep my distance"

My T and I had a talk about that just after I started working, I couldn't figure out my moody manager and turns out she couldn't figure me out either because I was always silently buried in my work. Me hoping to be unobtrusive led to her not meshing with me smoothly. Once I started initiating more convos and building a rapport with her she stopped yelling about where I was hiding.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the links!

---------------------------------------------------------
Perhaps you're right about what you said. That's great that you and your manager are starting to build a rapport now, yay!

Honestly, I think it's stupid for some people to not trust someone for not telling them their life story upon first meeting them, or offering all of their personal info right away like their address, full name, etc.....

It's like, uh, how do I know if I can trust you or not? You could be a felon or a serial killer for all I know, lol!

There is a difference between being introverted, shy and socially anxious. Not all introverts are shy and not all socially anxious people are introverts believe it or not. I think people can sense the discomfort of others. If someone is socially anxious around someone they just met, the non anxious person senses their discomfort and can read it as rejection or just feel uncomfortable themselves. It's nature to feel less favorable towards someone who makes you uncomfortable. You also seem to have your own preconceptions about extroverts which perhaps they pick up on.