[Raspberry Princess]

First of all, thank you so much for your attention ><
The explanation is a bit long, but I find every piece of it important, since these feel like key moments for the issue. I tried to organize it so that it won't be so boring :x
I know many of the people in this forum suffer with problems way more dangerous than mine – and I really with them the best of luck, from the bottom of my heart ! - , but I hope you understand that despair is valid in all sizes.

I am a sixteen year old girl. R was the first person with whom I fell in love. I invited him to my 15-year-old birthday party, as well as my childhood friend, G, and my best friend T. G and T knew I loved R, since I had directly told them months before.
By the middle of the party, I noticed that my childhood friend G was talking to R away from the other's ears. Some moments later, A was going to tell me something - his expression was bitter and serious -, but then seemed to change his mind. "It's nothing", he said. I disregarded it for the night.
Some days later, I decided to ask G what was it that he was going to tell me during my party.
"R likes you", he told me.
"The way I like him?"
"Yes, that way."
I want to make one thing clear - G knew exactly what my feelings for R were. I had told G everything.
Well...
One month later, I found out that R had a girlfriend.
I texted G. Turns out G knew about the girlfriend since he had talked with R at my birthday. In fact, R had asked G whether I liked him or not. G told him I did.
It was a hard week. I never felt comfortable to open my heart to my parents, so I couldn’t rely on them.
Months passed by. T and I grew even closer than before. As soon as I recovered from my first heartbreak, I was infatuated again – and heartbroken again. Unrelated to my heart’s troubles was the decaying relationship between T and G. On the year before, T had made G surprise tarts for his birthday. Now they loathed each other.
I won’t say T was right about everything – her reactions to people being stupid tend to be harsh – but G was the one who started with «playful » mean names towards her, and continued even though she was clearly annoyed. The final blow was when G told T feminism was foolish because people should accept society as it is, murder, rapes and all. And T once lost a girlfriend due to murder. She cut off all unnecessary interaction with him, though she remains polite.
And my distance to G was growing as well. I felt uneasy about his lying.
Finally, I confronted him about his untruthfull and conflicting statements.
"I need to understand why you lied about what R felt for me".
"When? I never lied!"
So I listed some of the times when he lied to me about R (there were several). Once he had even admitted lying to purposefully hurt me because he was feeling sad.
When I repeated his words about R liking me, he was aggressive.
"You interpreted it wrong", he blurted out. "I never said that."
In the end, he admitted some of his misdeeds (not the one about my birthday) - while saying that I was being too harsh and that I needed to discern and ignore happily his lies.
I know it’s my word against his, but please, please trust me – I wouldn’t have come there for help had I been the one to lie. I am sure of what I heard about R. I even asked G again immediatelly afterwards multiple times for confirming.
I cried my eyes out on T’s arms. G wouldn’t even try to understand, I was so frustrated. I didn’t care anymore about my heartbreak with R, really. I was concerned with being lied to. We stopped talking to each other. Meanwhile, my friendship with T that was already strong grew further.
My parents started to worry and inquired about why I wasn’t talking to my childhood friend.
I told Dad he’d been lying a lot and being really mean. He and Mom seemed symphathetic at first, but I guess they grew impatient.
Now my parents were saying that what I was doing wasn’t fair on them (You see, my parents and G’s parents are close friends.). They pressured me into speaking to and forgiving G. "He’s your childhood friend and you’re throwing it all away!"
I just couldn’t do it ! I was willing to make things okay again, but I needed time to forgive in my own pace.
My 16th birthday was in July. G had planned a surprise meeting for bowling with my friends. G came too, of course. And he was sour as a lemon the whole evening, possibly because T had come as well.
"G’s a man of actions rather than words. He’s done his part, it’s about time you cooperate."
From June to now It’s been hard to find the strenght to get up every day. My worst was during August. Mom assumed I was just being lazy. When I cried, she told me to stop being such a child. She won’t listen before angrily saying I’m ungrateful.
"I’m sure T’s involved in your silly quarrel with G somehow. I don’t like her." , she said.
T made me feel like I actually was entitled to the space I occupied, entitled to feelings and expression. When I feel like I’m buried several feet under the ground, she is the only light I can reach. Meanwhile, G lied.
Recently I forced myself to smile and talk to G about random, meaningless stuff. This seems to make Mom and Dad satisfied, even though my heart remains cold to G. G seems to be building a better character. I feel stuck between forgiveness and falsity.
I feel like there is this huge, heavy clod in my emotional recovering process regarding G. I tried talking to T. She really tried to offer me the best of advice, but I’m still lost.
Please, I’d be glad to find some guidance. Thank you very, very, very much.

[healingme4me]

Sounds like being cordial with G saves face with your parent's social ties to G's parents?

Sounds like an imperfect situation to be in. Sounds like being friendly without actually being friends is what's necessary? Albeit, difficult due to the rift.