Nvm .........

[Bill3]

[Zararose]

*hugs* I was having the same thoughts today. But do you wait and hope things will get better and risk wasting time... or do you leave and hope the grass is greener on the other side.

[Zararose]

What makes you know they are the wrong person?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Zararose

What makes you know they are the wrong person?

You aren’t happy. Your needs aren’t met. You think “what if” there is someone better out there. You don’t know where relationship is going. You aren’t on the same page regardless present and future plans. You don’t feel content.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Zararose

*hugs* I was having the same thoughts today. But do you wait and hope things will get better and risk wasting time... or do you leave and hope the grass is greener on the other side.

If things are wrong now they are going to wring tomorrow and a year from now. What you see is what you get.

Originally Posted by Zararose

*hugs* I was having the same thoughts today. But do you wait and hope things will get better and risk wasting time... or do you leave and hope the grass is greener on the other side.

You leave. As Divine said, what you see is what you get. I would say cut them loose if you know they're not the right one. Life's too short to waste time with the wrong partner. Never settle for less than what you really want and deserve.

[TishaBuv]

It’s all about your attitude and what you want. If you want to be together and the good outweighs the bad, then they’re not the wrong person. You make it work.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It’s all about your attitude and what you want. If you want to be together and the good outweighs the bad, then they’re not the wrong person. You make it work.

That is basically how I feel about this. But he keeps changing his mind and it drives me nuts.

Thanks people.. I really didn't know and still don't know how to explain my situation.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by 2daffodils

That is basically how I feel about this. But he keeps changing his mind and it drives me nuts.

Are you living with him?

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Are you living with him?

No. Thinking about it though in the not too distant future. I have spent a lot of time with him back in April and also this past month.

How do I know if this man is right for me? I said I know he's not right, but I'm not sure. He keeps changing his mind about living with me. He says I'm controlling, but I see him as controlling. He'll say things like, "dont do the dishes", then days later, I see you didn't even do the dishes. I love you and I want you in my life. Days later, I want you to get your things oout and I want nothing from you. Then, I love you. THen, he'll say I don't know what I want. Then he says I miss you already after leaving for one day, and he says, yes I want you to live with me. Then, "as long as we get along"

Can anyone help me out? This confusion is driving me crazy. I often feel like he doesn't appreciate me, but then I feel like I have nothing left if I break up with him and leave him. I have already spilled my guts to a frriend on here, and the opiinion is, he's a jerk and I've nothing to lose, well not much if I leave him or he breaks up with me and takes me back for the umpteenth time.


Do I even know what love is, when this guy can put me down for the smallest mistakes and make me feel worse about myslelf. Yet I think I love him. At this point, I don't care what response I get here, I don't care what anyone thinks of me.

I'm getting older and I don't want to find another bf. Ever. If we break up that's it for me and I feel like I've invested a lot in this relationship for 3 years.

[Deyla2324]

If it feels wrong then I am sorry to say then you should get away. May I ask why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t even know what he wants, he tells you something and then something else. I understand how are feeling because a month ago my boyfriend broke up with me. It’s hard and I think a lot about everything that happened but I know that with time one heals. I hear when you say that you don’t to find another bf, that’s how you are feeling because you are going through that right now. The right person will come and you won’t have question yourself. Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Believe me I’m the woman that has tried a thousand ways to stay in a toxic relationship . If he loves you he should be really trying to save relationshi not the other way around. Best of luck

[eskielover]

Your emotions are being bounced around like a ball. Honestly this guy is NOT a BF....more like a boy ENEMY. You may not want to find another BF (if that's what you choose to call him) but you may realize that you are better off alone than with a guy like this.

I was married in a bad marriage for 33 years (financial issues in the end kept me trapped there 13 years longer than was ok. I have been alone for 11 years & totally enjoy my own FREEDOM where I don't fight of feel angry for being treated the way I was (though I fought back it just made life even more hell)

Even alone is better than being treated the crappy way he's treating you.

[healingme4me]

How about sticking him in the friendszone and detaching a bit from the emotional clutter?
I hear you about the feeling of getting older and wondering if this is as good as it gets in terms of being tossed crumbs and the field seems like it gets smaller and smaller if even existent. And frankly, who wants to keep going through it?
If he's not devoted to establishing a life together....he needs to get into the friendzone. And if he's not even a good friend then he needs to be cut loose.
I get the back and forth is ambiguous...
You don't even need to announce this to him. Make that inner change with your heart and your mind.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

How about sticking him in the friendszone and detaching a bit from the emotional clutter?
I hear you about the feeling of getting older and wondering if this is as good as it gets in terms of being tossed crumbs and the field seems like it gets smaller and smaller if even existent. And frankly, who wants to keep going through it?
If he's not devoted to establishing a life together....he needs to get into the friendzone. And if he's not even a good friend then he needs to be cut loose.
I get the back and forth is ambiguous...
You don't even need to announce this to him. Make that inner change with your heart and your mind.

This. This is what rings true with me. I do need to friend zone him and then see what his actions are.. if he is even a friend, then I will know. Thanks for understanding me, healing.

[TishaBuv]

I agree. You can tell him you don’t enjoy so much conflict. People are their best in the early days of relationships. Although you’ve been with him for years, it doesn’t get better once you have commitment.

Don’t count yourself out from ever having another relationship. You feel that way now because you are exhausted.

Originally Posted by 2daffodils

How do I know if this man is right for me? I said I know he's not right, but I'm not sure. He keeps changing his mind about living with me. He says I'm controlling, but I see him as controlling. He'll say things like, "dont do the dishes", then days later, I see you didn't even do the dishes. I love you and I want you in my life. Days later, I want you to get your things oout and I want nothing from you. Then, I love you. THen, he'll say I don't know what I want. Then he says I miss you already after leaving for one day, and he says, yes I want you to live with me. Then, "as long as we get along"

Can anyone help me out? This confusion is driving me crazy. I often feel like he doesn't appreciate me, but then I feel like I have nothing left if I break up with him and leave him. I have already spilled my guts to a frriend on here, and the opiinion is, he's a jerk and I've nothing to lose, well not much if I leave him or he breaks up with me and takes me back for the umpteenth time.


Do I even know what love is, when this guy can put me down for the smallest mistakes and make me feel worse about myslelf. Yet I think I love him. At this point, I don't care what response I get here, I don't care what anyone thinks of me.

I'm getting older and I don't want to find another bf. Ever. If we break up that's it for me and I feel like I've invested a lot in this relationship for 3 years.

When a man puts you down, he is not respecting you. When a man changes his mind, pushes you away, then pulls you back in again, the relationship is not stable or secure.

Don't move in with someone when they are disrespecting you and when the relationship is not stable. What happens next? That you go to all the trouble to move in, and suddenly he tells you to move out???? That's not security. Who could live like that? This push and pull is ridiculous....

But just as important is the matter of respect. If he disrespects you repeatedly and criticizes you, why would you want to be with someone like that, right?

You deserve both stability and respect. If you aren't getting either, yes, perhaps friend zone him and keep him at an emotional distance. My advice would be to definitely not move in with him.

I also understand the feeling of if this doesn't work out, I give up... perhaps being alone is better than dealing with this crap.

[katydid777]

I know this to be true in mine, and my H's life of over 26 years. We are like left, and right, and once he has physically/sexually abused me, but emotionally abuses most days. I know this is wrong to let him by with all of this, but our situation is complicated. I pray that some day he will fix himself, or I will be able to change this, but there isn't anything I can do at this time, and we do have over 26 years together, and this alone makes it hard.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((2daffodils)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. Please dump him as soon as you can... he's not worth it. You, on the other hand, deserve so much better... don't waste your life chasing him. Just cut him out of your life - all the "good moments" you seem to be having together are likely him manipulating you. Please stay safe and take care of yourself. I'm sorry

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by 2daffodils

How do I know if this man is right for me? I said I know he's not right, but I'm not sure. He keeps changing his mind about living with me. He says I'm controlling, but I see him as controlling. He'll say things like, "dont do the dishes", then days later, I see you didn't even do the dishes. I love you and I want you in my life. Days later, I want you to get your things oout and I want nothing from you. Then, I love you. THen, he'll say I don't know what I want. Then he says I miss you already after leaving for one day, and he says, yes I want you to live with me. Then, "as long as we get along"

Can anyone help me out? This confusion is driving me crazy. I often feel like he doesn't appreciate me, but then I feel like I have nothing left if I break up with him and leave him. I have already spilled my guts to a frriend on here, and the opiinion is, he's a jerk and I've nothing to lose, well not much if I leave him or he breaks up with me and takes me back for the umpteenth time.


Do I even know what love is, when this guy can put me down for the smallest mistakes and make me feel worse about myslelf. Yet I think I love him. At this point, I don't care what response I get here, I don't care what anyone thinks of me.

I'm getting older and I don't want to find another bf. Ever. If we break up that's it for me and I feel like I've invested a lot in this relationship for 3 years.

I don’t see any confusion. He treats you badly. How can he be right for you? It doesn’t matter how many years you spent with him. If he was a jerk for 3 years, he’ll be a jerk for next 10 years and you’ll be even older then. If you enjoy being put down and being treated badly and inconsistently then I’d say it’s ok to stay with him (just please don’t have kids with him), but if you are unhappy then what’s the point? You definitely can do better than that.

I so wish I had taken this advice sooner. I stayed with the bf today. He's asked me to hide his last bit of weed for him before so he has some for the next day. He was sleeping after he had his joint. He's depending on me because he irresponsibly changed his snow tires and they started to come off last weekend. I've offered to help him get groceries and take and pick him up after work because he had his car towed and wrecked the threads on the tire rods. He was so irritated today because he's financially in trouble because he wants his car fixed.

I believe he stole my wallet. I know where I left it. There's no other explanation. I reported it stolen. He's acting like he knows nothing. But I've lost all my identity. I think he did this but he can become really physical and I won't accuse him. It wouldn't change anything anyways. It's reported as an "occurence"... the police can do nothing. I'm feeling so horrible. So like I have had enough of life. Did he honestly take the one thing I need? Money and identity? At least my bank card and credit is frozen, I made sure of that.

Please don't judge me tonight. I can't take anymore.

[healingme4me]

sadhug: