[VirginiaMorning6045]

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving! Question for all:

We have all dealt with this type of person, I think. Am I the only person who (for decades) is left utterly confused by them? This isn't referring to people we date, but newer or old friends who suddenly turn cold for some unknown reason.

With maturity, I've learned not to wring my hands over them, but gently ask if something is going on or if I've done something to upset them. Often there is something going on in their lives causing them stress, but occasionally, they say nothing is wrong, but go back to running hot and cold; friendly and warm one minute, then completely ignore you, going so far as walking pass you with so much as a nod, or are curt when you speak to them.

How do you deal with it and not take it personally? This is a neighbor on my street so it's pretty difficult to completely ignore her, and since we are neighbors, it's best I remain civil at all costs. That said, I'm often left confused at best, or at worst, hurt.

Thoughts or suggestion are welcome. Thanks!

Personally, I don't tolerate those people who fluctuate with me depending on their mood or interest. If I were you, probably I would stop talking to her altogether. But since you want to keep a channel with her, I would suggest make your relationship superficial, like talking only when you encounter each others in the street or something. You don't have to run after people who don't cross the middle distance to meet you.

I'm one of those people. I have bipolar and paranoia which can make me seem very cold sometimes. When depressed or paranoid I avoid eye contact with my neighbors and when on a more upswing we have long conversations and get each other. We live in a questionable neighborhood so I think we both get worried sometimes and they have been very understanding towards the personal issues my family has faced other the years. They have 2 special needs children too and do we just get each other. The people who know me accept that I go through hard times and withdrawal. They allow me space and are there when I come out of the fog. I'm very grateful for them. (((Hugs)))

[Krazee2]

I am this way too. I have depression and anxiety. When I'm depressed and/or stressed I withdraw. I'm not trying to ignore people, I just get inside my head and don't notice people. I found out a while back that people were talking about me, not being friendly. I felt bad because I don't want to appear that way. But I can't just snap out of it.
Just give them space, and just speak when they do. You will eventually figure out if they have a real problem or not.