[LadyShadow]

You meet in a chatroom. Its fun its flirty. Just fleeting moments. We tell ourselves we will have just a casual conversation with this person for this moment in time, and we will never talk to them again. But what happens when it develops into something more?

This happened to me. Now I've been around the "online" block. I have been chatting and getting to know people on the internet for years now so I never thought this would happen to me. But it did. I fell for him. Like a fool. It was casual, fun, flirty. We even exchanged real information like addresses and phone numbers (which you should never do), so we could send each other presents for Valentine's Day. I even googled him and saw him on cam. Seems pretty legit right? WRONG. Nothing is what it seems on the internet. Its a fake world people where you can be whoever you want to be. I'm no dummy. I know the game.

But even the smartest or most "together" people could be duped. This happened to me. It is now late Saturday night. I haven't heard from him since Friday afternoon. I have tried texting, calling, emailing and he hasn't been online. Now I can fool myself into thinking "something happened" but get real. You guys know the real deal. I don't go for the disappearing acts anymore. In my 20's I did. I would tell myself every excuse in the world for the reason why I can't find guys. I know what a real man is. My ex. So reliable. I could always find him, and he always found a way to get back to me. That's a real man. Too bad he doesn't want me. Sigh.

Anyway, I really feel bad. I fell for an online guy. Do you guys believe it? I mean really come on, in this day and age, you have to go out on a date, kiss, make love, hold hands, for it to be really love. In essence, I am hoping that this is just a passing infatuation. But the tears are real. Oh they are. Online relationship or not. I cried real tears for this person. And I also ended things on my end. I sent him a final email, and shut off my phone. Here is the poem I wrote him:

Darkness falls,
My prince, a liar, a fraud.
Whatever his excuse I don't want to hear it.
He is fake, false, cold hearted.
I sit here, I cry, I weep.
Wherever he is, he doesn't care.
These past two days have felt like an eternity.
I thought he was different.
Yeah it was just online, I shouldn't care.
But I do care.
Liar. False.
Broken Hearted I weep.
Wherever he is he doesn't care.
I am done with it all.
I am done with love.

I don't really know the point of this thread or why I made it. I guess I am feeling sorry for myself that I was duped, and I took a chance on a relationship that was probably all based on lies. I guess all I'm asking for are some hugs. You don't have to comment if you don't want to, but I would like to hear your stories and experiences with online love if you want to share. I could use some good news right now.

Thank you for reading.

[Rose3]

perhaps you said it already - "Nothing is what it seems on the internet. Its a fake world". So - you've turned it off. Hope you're feeling happier soon.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Rose3

perhaps you said it already - "Nothing is what it seems on the internet. Its a fake world". So - you've turned it off. Hope you're feeling happier soon.

I'm hoping I feel happier soon too. Thanks for the response. Nothing is what it seems....you are so right.

[betrayedagain]

OMG! You are not alone in this! So many of us have been or are where you are at. Big and lots of hugs!

[Yoda]

I am a little surprised that you give up on a relationship because you have had no contact for a single day but that's you, not me.

Some of my very best friendships we started out as online acquaintances. There is a way to determine (the vast majority of the time) whether some one is genuine in that situation. Consistency of view point and "style" of friendship they seem to offer, stable responses over time. Reliability. If they are completely different in other mediums from posting/chatting online, that's always a red flag for me.

Time is great help in this.

I do think you may be a bit hasty right now in your response to non-communication. I have a good friend I have been talking to literally every day save maybe five for about the past six months. If we don't hear from the other, there is mild concern. However, there is also a great big _real_ world out there. And life can sometimes get in the way.

Sometime things come up, and I would encourage you to consider other possible reasons you can't get a hold of this person.

<3

[redbandit]

What makes you think it's over? Don't give up just because you haven't heard from him in a day.

[LadyShadow]

It does seem kind of hasty that its only been a day right? I have no problem giving each other space and time if we didn't talk non-stop during the day. I guess I am jaded because I have been duped before and this how it starts. Men that disappear even for a day just don't sit right with me. If he told me he wanted space or was going away, I would be more than happy to give him space. But no text, no call, no nothing since Friday and we talk every day? I don't go for it. Maybe I'm spoiled because my ex used to be so available to me and he was very reliable. That's important to me. This disappearing act just don't sit right with me.

Maybe he has had a family crisis there could be a thousand reasons?
How long have you guys been chatting?

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by Mittens.

Maybe he has had a family crisis there could be a thousand reasons?
How long have you guys been chatting?

There could be a thousand reasons. I thought about it some more and I'm calmer now, but I still feel duped. I am spoiled. I am used to reliability and consistency in a relationship. I need it. We have been talking every day for a month. But I really liked this one.

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello PlatinumHeart-

I have been duped a few times online myself although they were supposed friendships as opposed to a romantic type of relationship. Still, it was hard because I already have huge trust issues and every time someone is dishonest it chips away at my ability to ever have any kind of trust. I keep telling myself that I know that what I say is truthful, I don't mislead people about who I am-so I can't be the only one, right? Anyway-I can empathize with your feelings. I will say that one day is not a lot of time. It stands out to you because you have been communicating together on a daily basis but as someone else wrote, it could possibly be a crises of some sort or a legitimate reason for the lack of response. But, you know what is going on better than me and you might be sensing something is wrong even if it's only been a day. I say, always pay attention to that inner voice. If this person is for real they will want to continue to gain your trust and it may be that this is just a glitch. I wish you the best.

[pegasus]

Hello PlatinumHeart,

It's a toughy. I've made online friendships male and female. Some have turned out very wrong. It's easier for others to be fake online. But on the other hand they say that one in four find a mate online, I don't know how true that is. Please don't beat yourself up for getting drawn in, it happens, we trust sometimes a little too easily but then I'd have no friends at all if it wasn't for being online...

Hugs friend!

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( PlatinumHeart ))))))))
I'm sending hugs to you friend
I agree with CrimsonBlues that if this person is for real, they'll want to continue gaining your trust. Trust is so hard for so many of us, me included. I also have been duped a few times online, with supposed friendships (not romantic relationships).
Every time someone is dishonest or mean it makes it harder to trust..

[waiting4]

I don't want to be the 'voice' in here, but ...really? You've chatted every day for a whole month? Then after a day you 'dump' him because he isn't reliable? And how often you bring up your ex, as evidently, the 'perfect reliable' mate....except he doesn't want you? 1) you seem very very needy. And that's a total turn off to men AND women. 2) you exchanged physical mailing addresses and you googled him---if he was a fraud, one would think you'd have found that out in a months time i.e. he's married, a serial killer, cruel to animals....something that would back up your insistence that he's a 'fraud'. 3) if he HASN'T found you too needy, I can only imagine HIS hurt that you dumped him, in a text after only being out of contact for a day 4) not ALL online relationships end in disaster--I've had a couple that did, and several that didn't (friendships and love relationships) and when it was over, it was over IRL, because we knew after spending real life time together whether it was worth it or not.

I'm just saying....although you say you've been around the online block a number of times, your actions sound more like a teenager who's going thru their first crush and unfortunate rejection. Except, maybe YOU are the one who did the rejecting.

I'm sorry for you, and I know you hurt....but you need to consider carefully FACTS before plunging in....and certainly before climbing out and shaking a relationship off like so much spoilt water. I wish you well.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

There could be a thousand reasons. I thought about it some more and I'm calmer now, but I still feel duped. I am spoiled. I am used to reliability and consistency in a relationship. I need it. We have been talking every day for a month. But I really liked this one.

What if, this were to happen to someone else, that you met, IRL? And they one day, didn't respond back to you, would it be another pushing away?

Sorry you feel duped. Sounds, like you'd been waiting for that one momentary mistake to happen, however? He never had the opportunity, to give you any excuse, whatsoever.

How long, ago, was the break up with your ex? Forgive me, if I've read it here before and forgot the dates.

Sounds like he crossed a serious deal breaker with you. And without a chance to redeem himself, and know this about you, he received a break up letter. What if, he was as into you, as you were to him?

[Jacki~]

Dear Platinum.... It's 'dependency' sneaking into your heart. It will continue to wrap it's tentacles around your beating, bleating pump till your are totally dry.

I have a 21 day rule. Something taken from some book of self-help. Give yourself a gold star* for every day you choose to NOT connect online. You know, those mini sticky stars we gave to kids when they made their bed or did their chores.

Make it your choice. Give to yourself in another way. Take a walk. Write your thoughts. Bake a cake. Take it to your neighbors. Have some hot tea. Weed the garden. Weed your neighbors garden. Go to the thrift store.

Should you panic, know you can make a change for yourself by being strong. Hey, if 21 days is toooooo much. How 'bout 7 days? Three days? Dependency comes to us in so many ways.

I'm putting off going to work... Writing here, is my hook. That's why I can only be online for short bits of time. I could loose a whole day, if I did not have a schedule written down.

Inclosing, may I observe, it's not about the ex or the steady email connection.... it's what we do not give to ourselves. We are stronger than we wish to acknowledge. Try it.

And please, let me add a hug. You are worthy. I wish you peace, ease, and comfort.

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

There could be a thousand reasons. I thought about it some more and I'm calmer now, but I still feel duped. I am spoiled. I am used to reliability and consistency in a relationship. I need it. We have been talking every day for a month. But I really liked this one.

i totally get where ur coiming from!!!!
n ive been like that with my lad for a year. xx i like constency. n if i dont get the right sorta consistency i go into overdrive with anxiety cos of past hurts xxx

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

There could be a thousand reasons. I thought about it some more and I'm calmer now, but I still feel duped. I am spoiled. I am used to reliability and consistency in a relationship. I need it. We have been talking every day for a month. But I really liked this one.

Something may have happened and I agree with everyone that it's a bit hasty to write him off. How unfair if your close friend or relative died and you didn't have time to write him and let him know what happened or you were just too broken up to talk to anyone if he wrote you off? Honestly, you're very quick to assume you've been duped.

In a month, there is no way to judge whether someone is real or not. even if he were just playing games, a month isn't very long and you should not feel duped, there is no way your attachment to him could have been very deep yet. I'm sure it's been nice and good and fun but I think it's too soon to write him off or chalk it up to hm being "the one". Either extreme is being hasty, imo.

I am involved in a long distance relationship now. We've been together now for just over a month ourselves and it's very real but the truth is, we've been talking and getting to know each other for over 2 yrs now. It's not the month of great time we've had together that matters as much as the trust and friendship we built up over the prior 2+ yrs.

Take it more slowly with people online IF you ever do it again. Online people are not necesarily "fake" and it's not all unreal. There are plenty of people out there that are, I know this but there are real good people out there.

One other thing, is you seem pretty demanding tbh. "men that go without communication for a day... " you have a problem with. Not every person male or female can be at your beck and call and available 24x7, that's just unrealistic and unfair, if you ask me.

[Jacki~]

I chose to clean my oven. Sorry if I over vented. I just saw myself in your mirror and knew what I had to do. Do Something! Good luck finding your path. Someone will jog up next to you when all is well in your world.

[LadyShadow]

I saw and read all of your responses. Honestly, every last one of you was right. I did jump the gun and write him off too soon. I agree with what someone said that I have the emotional maturity of a teenager. I don't think its demanding to have contact once a day though. A simple text on Friday saying "sorry I won't be around for the next couple of days" would have put my mind at ease. It was just the mind numbing silence that bothered me so much.

Anyway, he contacted me, told me what happened and disappeared again. It wasn't a bad message, he just explained where he was. But I tried to reach out again, and I was ignored. I must have really messed things up. Time to take things slow. If I ever hear from this person again, I've got to be smarter about it. One month three or four times a day of talking seems like an eternity to me. We went too much too fast, and when life got in the way (his) I couldn't handle it.

I think I need to do something for me though. I'm jealous of all who are in love and the worst holiday in the world for that is coming up. Sigh. I'm so sad.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

I saw and read all of your responses. Honestly, every last one of you was right. I did jump the gun and write him off too soon. I agree with what someone said that I have the emotional maturity of a teenager. I don't think its demanding to have contact once a day though. A simple text on Friday saying "sorry I won't be around for the next couple of days" would have put my mind at ease. It was just the mind numbing silence that bothered me so much.

Anyway, he contacted me, told me what happened and disappeared again. It wasn't a bad message, he just explained where he was. But I tried to reach out again, and I was ignored. I must have really messed things up. Time to take things slow. If I ever hear from this person again, I've got to be smarter about it. One month three or four times a day of talking seems like an eternity to me. We went too much too fast, and when life got in the way (his) I couldn't handle it.

I think I need to do something for me though. I'm jealous of all who are in love and the worst holiday in the world for that is coming up. Sigh. I'm so sad.

Nothing wrong, with coming right out, if not this guy, the next, and asserting, that, you don't expect every day, but you would appreciate courtesy, of just saying, he'll be busy for a certain number of days, and setting another text/phone, email time. That's unbelievably reasonable to request.
Maybe, it's not your quickness to dismiss him, but now, with his newfound awareness, of your needs, once again, unaddressed. We all make slip ups, but,now back to back slip ups?

I wish, I could say something, to ease, the doldrum feeling, of this upcoming holiday. Last year, I was the only employee, at my work, that refused to wear these little heart shaped pendants. And, to top it all off, I wore, all black. And, I learned, the true history behind the celebration. Technically speaking, Friday as a holiday, goes against my religious beliefs. It has a dark history, and I'm not referring to war history. Not sure if, i can technically share, but it involves the one year sale...of....

To add, due to uniform clothing standards, at work, I,, technically, can get away, with all black, again, on Friday, to show my religious preference...
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[redbandit]

I wore all black one Valentine's day, in protest .
I have a Valentine, but I think the holiday is way overdone . You don't need a day to dictate to you that you should be romantic . Or show your family and friends that you care.
Platinumheart, maybe you could get a group together if you have some single friends? Just a suggestion

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Nothing wrong, with coming right out, if not this guy, the next, and asserting, that, you don't expect every day, but you would appreciate courtesy, of just saying, he'll be busy for a certain number of days, and setting another text/phone, email time. That's unbelievably reasonable to request.
Maybe, it's not your quickness to dismiss him, but now, with his newfound awareness, of your needs, once again, unaddressed. We all make slip ups, but,now back to back slip ups?

I wish, I could say something, to ease, the doldrum feeling, of this upcoming holiday. Last year, I was the only employee, at my work, that refused to wear these little heart shaped pendants. And, to top it all off, I wore, all black. And, I learned, the true history behind the celebration. Technically speaking, Friday as a holiday, goes against my religious beliefs. It has a dark history, and I'm not referring to war history. Not sure if, i can technically share, but it involves the one year sale...of....

To add, due to uniform clothing standards, at work, I,, technically, can get away, with all black, again, on Friday, to show my religious preference...
Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

Right???? I thought I was the only one who was seeing this? I mean a simple text saying "I am going to be unavailable for a while" instead of just straight up silence was bugging the hell outta of me! But I hear with what you're saying with this day and all. I don't know what I am going to do.

Originally Posted by redbandit

I wore all black one Valentine's day, in protest .
I have a Valentine, but I think the holiday is way overdone . You don't need a day to dictate to you that you should be romantic . Or show your family and friends that you care.
Platinumheart, maybe you could get a group together if you have some single friends? Just a suggestion

I'm thinking of asking my coworkers if we could go out on Friday. I don't have a Valentine and I do feel lonely but I don't want this day to bring me down. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do.

Update: He blocked me online tonight. I asked one of my friends to check if he was online and he was but he blocked me. Oh well, another one bites the dust.

[healingme4me]

'I don't know what I am going to do'

I know your emotions are high, but reaction wise, play it cool. Artfully detach. Suddenly be way too busy for him. And, sometimes, just look around you, smile at some random guy. Remind yourself, of your inner diva.

*hug*

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

I see you've had some good and bad online experiences shared on this thread, but here's another good one.

I met a guy back in 1998 on ICQ.

It's 2014 now. I've been married to my online guy since 2009, but together from the beginning. It's not always easy, but the struggles with distance were worth it.

All the best to you.