[evangeline85]

Hi everyone!
I was involved in a "traditional" snowball fight yesterday along with my friends. I am not so good at running and escaping when playing these games but I was sustained by my pufferjacket which I was all packed in.

After a few minutes my friends and many other people were getting wet and frozen since some of them wore wool jackets or less protective garments.

So two of my "friends" hold me and kept me steady by my arms and said that it was not fair that I was so much protected in my puffer jacket. They tried to get snow inside it's neck but they were unable to get anything through my hood.
A girl said "let's unbutton the damn fastening", managed to undo all of my buttons one by one and opened the front zipper of my jacket.
Suddenly they threw a flood of snow which easily hit my poor sweater. As I tried to retie my jacket they said I was "cheating" since no one else was so much covered.

I had closed just half of my buttons when my "friends" said "nice try to get your shield back, re-opened my puffer jacket with their fury and pulled it out of my arms as well.
They filled up the inside of my wide-open jacket with snow so much that it got totally wet and useless and I had to resist with my sweater only, which was not waterproof of course, so you can guess how I was exposed to any snowball flying around.

Do you think this was fair to me? I fear they could get me without my jacket again on the next "fight".

just how old are you and these 'friends'? This sounds really adolescant

[evangeline85]

I'm 30. My friends as well. The other girls should have been around 25 or 30 too, I suppose!

It was a snowball fight. I don't think "fairness" really matters. Just enjoy the fun with your friends and don't analyze it.

[divine1966]

I thought you were a young child and worried you might be bullied. 30? Never mind....if you think it's unfair then stay away from these people

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by evangeline85

I was involved in a "traditional" snowball fight...

Why do you term it "traditional"? Was there some kind of common-to-all understanding or realization ahead of time that everyone was subject to getting wet and cold or whatever?

[evangeline85]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

It was a snowball fight. I don't think "fairness" really matters. Just enjoy the fun with your friends and don't analyze it.

I don't analyze. But I wonder why my friends were so jealous about my puffer jacket keeping me warm and cozy.
You should have seen when that girl, helped by my friends holding me, furiously opened the buttons on my jacket. I wore it on purpose, so that I could stay covered in case someone would have untied a button or two by chance.
Instead I could do nothing to escape and she had all the time to unbutton and unzip my jacket.
Later someone also said "ohhhh yessss, your puffer jacket is gone!". They said they were annoyed about throwing snow, without me getting wet and cold because of "that damn fastening" covering me and keeping my jacket closed.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I thought you were a young child and worried you might be bullied. 30? Never mind....if you think it's unfair then stay away from these people

They are, from years, my only friends I can spend my holidays with. So I guess this is not an option.

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Why do you term it "traditional"? Was there some kind of common-to-all understanding or realization ahead of time that everyone was subject to getting wet and cold or whatever?

It's traditional because these "super snowball fights" take place every year on these days at that same plaza.

[MickeyCheeky]

Idk.. I don't think they were being mean, tbh. It's just a game. What relationship do you have with them?

They weren't jealous. They were having fun and feeling silly about being all wet and cold and were just drawing you into the game and "suffering" the same "misery" as they were. It was just fun and games to them. They just wanted you to loosen up and join in fully. That's pretty normal horsing around amongst friends.

I notice that several of your posts pertain to staying very tightly bundled up in your clothing. It seems to be important to you, but it may come off as sort of closed off to your friends and they are perhaps trying to draw you out and get you to loosen up a bit.

If that really bothers you, perhaps you might really talk to your friends about why you are uncomfortable when you are not tightly dressed and ask them to respect that need in you. Perhaps if they have a better understanding, they will be less likely to do this kind of thing in the future.

Yes it was being mean. This was why I grew up - and at age 50 - still get anxious around snowball fights. Invariably one person ends up getting picked on resulting in face washes and snow down the coat. It is cruel and I have difficult memories of always being that individual.

I'm not saying it is right or excusable. What I am saying is that unfairness and bullying come part and parcel with such an activity. It is no different than a game of murder ball.

[s4ndm4n2006]

don't partake in a snowball fight with those particular people again. problem solved.

[divine1966]

I recommend talking to your therapist. You seem to have other issues pertaining to clothing. Maybe it needs to be discussed.

Personally I wouldn't tolerate people trying to take my jacket off in the winter. Sounds extremely immature. Kind of ridiculous that these people think it's ok

[seesaw]

Um, yeah, this post was super triggering to me. They basically pinned you and pulled off your coat, then drenched it? That's like destruction of property or something right there. If they didn't want to get wet and cold, they should have dressed for it better. I used to live up in Montana and we had snow ball fights and everyone wore water proof puffed jackets, so why they would have a problem with the fact that you dressed for the cold, I don't know.

To me what they did sounds like a violation. I would not hang out with those friends anymore. They are bullies and completely disrespected normal boundaries.

I've had "normal" fun in snow ball fights...it is nothing like what you described.

Seesaw

[Shazerac]

I don't know but it sounds kind a mean to me. If this is upsetting to you I would avoid snowball fights. I hate snow so I would never do that anyway.

[Healthymind23]

Originally Posted by evangeline85

Hi everyone!
I was involved in a "traditional" snowball fight yesterday along with my friends. I am not so good at running and escaping when playing these games but I was sustained by my pufferjacket which I was all packed in.

After a few minutes my friends and many other people were getting wet and frozen since some of them wore wool jackets or less protective garments.

So two of my "friends" hold me and kept me steady by my arms and said that it was not fair that I was so much protected in my puffer jacket. They tried to get snow inside it's neck but they were unable to get anything through my hood.
A girl said "let's unbutton the damn fastening", managed to undo all of my buttons one by one and opened the front zipper of my jacket.
Suddenly they threw a flood of snow which easily hit my poor sweater. As I tried to retie my jacket they said I was "cheating" since no one else was so much covered.

I had closed just half of my buttons when my "friends" said "nice try to get your shield back, re-opened my puffer jacket with their fury and pulled it out of my arms as well.
They filled up the inside of my wide-open jacket with snow so much that it got totally wet and useless and I had to resist with my sweater only, which was not waterproof of course, so you can guess how I was exposed to any snowball flying around.

Do you think this was fair to me? I fear they could get me without my jacket again on the next "fight".

Sometimes you need to release some energy like that its healthy and fun!!

[~Christina]

Find new friends

[Bill3]

What were you feeling when they were unbuttoning your jacket? What was it like to be you then?

[Talthybius]

Normally this might be 'normal' behavior among close friends, even at 30. But when several people team up on one person to really 'humiliate' that person inside the context of that game, they better be sensitive about it that it isn't bulling.

You really can only do that on one of the 'stronger' people in that group. Not the person everyone recognizes is bad at nowfights and has mental health problems(?, you are here for a reason I guess).

One would imagine they would be conciliatory towards you immediately after the snowfight, making sure that you know they were forced to be that mean for the sake of the snowfight.

I guess it all depends on context. It is also not clear from your post if you made it clear that in your eyes, they were crossing a border.

I don't know why people are so hasty in telling you to 'get new friends'. Maybe they are right. I don't know. These literal words can describe snowfights with a completely different vibe to them.

[Crazy Hitch]

I think if there's snow and adults in a snowball "fight" - it was all meant in the spirit of fun. Does this really bother you? If so refrain from these games next year.

Originally Posted by Talthybius

I don't know why people are so hasty in telling you to 'get new friends'. Maybe they are right. I don't know. These literal words can describe snowfights with a completely different vibe to them.

I agree. Seems a bit knee-jerk for what may be a matter of people just having fun and not understanding how it bothered the OP. That kind of play can get a bit raucous and people can get carried away in the moment, even adults. That doesn't necessarily mean they are being bullies or intentionally mean or should be given up as friends. I do hope the OP will really talk to her friends about this though. I kind of get the feeling that kind of serious discussion hasn't really happened, and perhaps a bit more communication about her background or needs might improve her friends' level of sensitivity about such things.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I agree. Seems a bit knee-jerk for what may be a matter of people just having fun and not understanding how it bothered the OP. That kind of play can get a bit raucous and people can get carried away in the moment, even adults. That doesn't necessarily mean they are being bullies or intentionally mean or should be given up as friends. I do hope the OP will really talk to her friends about this though. I kind of get the feeling that kind of serious discussion hasn't really happened, and perhaps a bit more communication about her background or needs might improve her friends' level of sensitivity about such things.

On the one hand I see your point about being quick to suggest finding new friends but reading into the OP a bit more, I find there is some revealing information there. First off a situation where that kind of "play" were acceptable, it would likely be between pretty tight or close friends. That's the fisrt thing that gives me the impression that this was not a group of people that she is close to. Second, that she is as baffled by the behavior as she is, also alludes to the fact that these do not seem to be people she knows well or she would have seen this type of behavior in the past. So I come to this conclusion myself. one, they are not close friends and have offended her doing what they do with each other or other close friends. In that case finding new friends or not hanging out with them is appropriate.

two, if they are indeed close friends that she knows, it brings up a slew of other questions as to how or why she has not seen this type of behavior, what about it is so out of character that she would be this baffled and offended by it . I mean, if you know people well, typically over time these things are revealed. if indeed they behaved this way for the first time, there is something else going on really and that needs to be explored.

Truth is, from our small excerpt of her relationship with these girls and what happened, none of us can really say much that would be meaningful.

In summary, to answer directly to the OP's question, it was unfair. What isn't answered is whether or not they meant harm or if it was just play that she misunderstood... I don't know there is just far too little known here to say.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

I see two things wrong with this scenario...
1. From your post it appears that you were the only one in the group treated this harshly and it wasn't just one person. They all ganged up on you. I don't care if you are 5or 50 this is bullying behaviour. Singling someone out and being overly aggressive toward you in a group mentality. Not cool at any age!
2. They way over stepped the rules of personal space. This is just disrespectful. A whole group of people's hands grabbing you and forcefully ripping off an article of your clothing??!! Unless they were my best long time friends or sisters, IMHO, I would certainly feel violated!
A lot of people don't like to be touched by anyone they are not very close with and certainly not man-handled!
Huge Boundary violation!
I think these girls need to be sent back to kindergarten to relearn the basic ABC'S of appropriate human interaction.
But if you value them as friends, I would just tell them firmly but gently that you really are uncomfortable with that much contact. (Just leave it at that. Don't make it a big deal approach it with an air of nonchalance and see how they react) If they make a big deal out of it then they are definitely just extremely juvenile and then it's time to go find some friends who are at the same maturity level you are.
If they make a little joke about it, but then apologize in someway..then they are probably fairly decent people still with a little growing up to do...who just got caught up it the fervor of the game and took it a step too far. But they do probably value as a friend and if so... in the future they will know that is not cool with you and restrain themselves from behaving towards you like that again. Just my two cents. You can take or leave all some or none of it.

[evangeline85]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What were you feeling when they were unbuttoning your jacket? What was it like to be you then?

At first I was feeling "safe" and confident that my fully buttoned up winter jacket could last enough to give me time to find an "escape" from my close friends.
Soon I realised I was "stuck" there and my jacket's stormflap was being "defeated" by that girl who said she was annoyed that snow was stopped by that "damn fastening". She laughed and said "let's open her shield, she's the only one packed up this way, that's not fair!".

She apparently had fun while opening my jacket, "button number four, gone!, button number five, destroyed!" she said and so on..
When buttons were finished she moved the stormflap and told my friends "be ready to strike with snow, as soon as I undo this nice sealed zipper!".

I could see the long silver brighting zipper of my jacket now exposed, while it was the only left barrier closing my coat and keeping me warm and cozy against those cold snowballs.
Even if nothing changed, since my jacket was still closed, I was feeling sad to see that all of the buttons were gone and only a zipper was separating my sweater from the outside cold and snow.

As soon as she undid the main zipper, she said "woops! her jacket is finally vulnerable! it's snow time!!". I could feel the fresh air coming through my wide open coat, followed by huge snowballs which hit my sweater getting slightly wet.
My friends said "ohh finally you can feel the snow too..it's not that bad, isn't it?". They did read the label inside my jacket about protection from the elements and thermal insulation and they said "oh yes! we've defeated this enemy of snowball fights!".

They called it "enemy", while I loved it until it could protect me from those snowballs.
So sad!!

[divine1966]

Ok I read your other threads and in every single one some people ( strangers or friends) hold you with force and forcefully remove your clothing. What's really going on? It's assault and harassment expecially by strangers. They dont just unbutton it, they take it off with force. It's unheard of. Is this some type of exposure therapy? Have you talked to your doctor about all this? I'd show your psychiatrist or therapist these threads.

[Talthybius]

This is strange. Three threads similar, with strange choice of words, like this is intended as poerty or meant to be very vivid, and all three have attached to them stock photos of the piece of clothing in question.

I suggest you talk with a professional about why you feel the need to make these posts.