[Maniae]

I had a breakdown two years ago, bullied at work ignited severe anxiety. Went out on FMLA. For fear of returning after 12 weeks, anxiety increased, doctor didn't okay returning to work. Terminated from job. Next month will be two years since I've worked. Stop socializing with friends, church members, & some family. I think I don't like me enough to be around other people.

I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. And been dealing with this during this two years plus. I also suffer with debilitating migraines and lumbar & cervical spondylitis (which I have injections for).

My long term disability benefits has ended and now reality is that I must return to the workforce. I am terrified of having a bully boss again. I am terrified that people can look at me and just know that I am weak and vulnerable to being bullied. I feel this when I shop at Walmart or waiting to pick up my prescription. I think that the people also picking up their meds know that my medicine is for mental illness. And I hate that everyone knows. Then to imagine I am in a work environment again, and co-workers know that I suffer from anxiety and depression. What will they think of me.

I am so lost right now. I don't want to die any more. I used to feel like that was the only solution for being a failure in life. I don't want to continue being a failure and therefore need to put on my 'big girl drawls' and go get a job. But Lord knows, it is not that simple. What do I say in the interview if they ask my strengths and weaknesses. Do I be truthful or be corporate. What happens when I know I cannot comfortably participate in company functions or meetings.

I'm just venting. Thank you for reading & thank you in advance if you reply.

I had a bout of major depression which, for now, I have escaped from. Because of my attempt and the physical harm (couldn't physically or mentally work that much) it did, when the 3rd of April comes, it will be two years without a major job. Until recently, I wasn't applying for jobs and really need to just like you. I was paralyzed because I dreaded being asked, why did you leave the workforce? But now that my medications have stabilized me, I am reaching out to friends again and applying for jobs. It was my depression and anxiety that made me afraid to act. If you also are afraid to discuss you mental health issues, you don't have to. This is the kind of thinking I have about getting an interview now. To me, it is a matter of can I do the job or not so I don't have to talk about it if I CAN do the job I am applying for. As far as your strengths and weaknesses, just be truthful, but again, you DON'T have to talk about all your weaknesses. Getting a job is about showing the employer all of your true strenghths and if you must tell them about a weakness, pick a true one but you don't have to tell them about all of them. In fact, when we are depressed, we mostly see our weaknesses, not our strengths. It sounds to me like you are still recovering and when you get fully stable, you will not have as much anxiety about applying for jobs. I am glad you are not wanting to die anymore, that means you have recovered some. Do you have a bachelor's degree? If you do, this is a good job to do at home (don't have to worry about being bullied at all and your schedule is very flexible) but most of the work available is only between March 1st and June 30th (unless I land a better job, ie one with benefits, this is what I will be doing):
http://flexiblescoring-hse.pearson.c...le-scoring.htm
We know how important it is to get the income going again, so good luck with your job search and continued recovery.