[denali]

Hi
I am 37yr. old female and have been engaged to my fiance for the past 2 years. We have a son. Over the past few months we have not been getting along at all. I am realizing that I hjave very little self esteem, I am depressed, etc... I have a wonderful life with everything anyone couls want and yet I am NOT happy. I am not sure how to use this, but I would love any responses on teh best way to learn to use it. Thanks

New and not sure how to use the system

[Willow]

Hi Denali. Welcome to the board. Sorry you are not happy in your current situation. I'm don't have any solid feedback for you so I'll just say "hi" for now.

[Zenobia]

You said that you and your fiance have not been getting along the last few months. I think you need to explore this a little deeper and find the why. For years I couldn't understand why I was so unhappy after all my husband worked so that I could stay at home with my children which is something that I wanted and felt was important. I often asked myself "why can't I be happy." When I tried to answer the question I would blame my husband for abandonment (he went out all the time drinking with his friends rather then spending time with me) or I would blame myself for having low self-esteeme. It wasn't until things got real freaky and I ended up in the hospital that I started looking at the big picture. I started investigating the why's instead of the whats. Why was he going out? Why was I unable to tell him to knock it of? Why when he started to change and became what I asked for was I still not happy? Once I started asking why I realized it is all more complicated then I thought. It isn't just because he went out or I couldn't say knock it off or my childhood sucked. It was everything put together. So with the help of my therapist I have been sorting through the many different why questions and finding the connections. This is something you may be able to do without a therapist. I need my T to help me because I have a couple of mental disorders thrown in the mix which make it difficult for me to sort things out on my own. But thing that has been the most help in figuring it all out is my journal. My T agrees with me that it has been an invaluable resorce in and out of session. My journal is not just day to day events but somewhere to work out my emotions. If I have an emotion that I don't understand I right down how I feel, how my body feels. Often the way my physical body feels points out what is upsetting me psychologically.

I have rambled long enough. I hope you will continue coming to the forum. This has also been an wonderful resource in the job of figuring life out.
Take care,
Zen

<font color=blue>I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but, it comes from within. It is there all the time.--Anna Freud