I think i have a work bully

... I admit that I am a recovering Codependent and attend meetings weekly, but I find myself struggling with another adult in the office.

I have often struggled with saying what I feel and end up making concessions for others to my own detriment in an effort to avoid conflict.

The same LOUDMOUTH in my office has now unleashed a war (or I perceive it that way) and I find myself resentfully backing down.

The new issue: Parking spaces and Bird Poop. I kid you not.

There's a tree outside our office where everyone parks. Over the past couple of days, the birds have gone bananas on our cars. They have literally been covered in poop by the end of the day.

So LOUDMOUTH makes a HUGE deal out of this even going to maintenance and asking them to cut down the tree

The codependent in me wants to rescue the birds and let her know how DUMB that would be. I did ask her why she just couldn't move her car, but I realize that would be me trying to control outcomes (codependent behavior). The whole ordeal left a bad taste in my mouth.

So after taking my own car to the car wash yesterday I determined that I would just park somewhere else today.

LOUDMOUTH actually did move her car yesterday but made it a point to let anyone within earshot know how UNACCEPTABLE it was for her to have to do this. This morning when I arrived I saw two open spaces away from the tree. I parked my car in the space closest to the building and went to work.

I never remotely thought about any consequences until LOUDMOUTH walked in. She made it a point to announce that "For someone who didn't care about bird poop on my car I had no problems taking HER space"

The other open space was literally two spaces away from where I parked!!! I passively aggressively stated that there is another space available but I could move if those few extra steps were a problem (OK, NOT THE BEST SOLUTION).

From there it turned into a thing. She agreed to let her brand new truck suffer the paint damage of the bird poop... blah, blah, blah.

My codependent solution: Resentfully move my car to another space. By now someone had taken the spot that was open before, so I had to park in another lot altogether.

The issue for me is not the space. It's HER!!! She's loud and obnoxious. This isn't the first time that she's made a big deal out of something small involving me and I don't appreciate it.

I wanted to let her HAVE it, but I don't want to appear unprofessional. I'm sick of having "diplomatic" boundary setting conversations with her. They don't work. I think it's petty to report her to the boss (although I wouldn't be the first one).

It seems to me like everyone just lets her get away with being this way. Others in the organization have commented about her antics but everyone seems to just let it go.

Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

I'm sorry about this she doesn't look like a nice person to be around. Have you tried telling other people about her behavior? I know you said they don't seem to care, but have you asked about it? Is it difficult for you to do that? (I don't really know a lot about codependency, sorry)

If you don't have assigned parking spots why was it HER spot? Sounds like the kind 9f person who just has to complain all the time.

Her name is not on the parking spot is it?

If not, staying in your original spot and simply not entertaining her tantrum would've been an ideal response (sometimes no action is the best action to take)...

It would've been a silent message that you refuse to be pushed around and you're not another member of the herd who lets her get her way all the time like the spoilt brat she is.

That's how I personally deal with these types, altho I admit, I have alot of issues with conflict avoidance myself, so its not always easy sticking to my guns.

So sorry you have to contend with her bullshyt.

Yeah, I would just not entertain her tantrums. If she comes to you to complain about a nonwork issue, I would just tell her you don't have time to discuss it if it isn't directly related to what you are working on. And if it's a problem, she needs to discuss it with management, not you.

yes there is one of these at almost every job. She has a big problem on her hands here if she puts a tarp over the truck well you still have to wash that maybe a cat decoy birds don't like cats or chicken wire the tree. I got it a canopy with her name on it.

Dont fall for that kind of bull, if she confront you about something as silly or not work related just brush it off and tell her that your not interested.

Some people just are not worth the energy

I KNOW this is not the answer for everyone, but in my case, I just tell people like that to STFU and get out of my face. No one bothers me but once so I guess this approach works for me.

indeed not for everyone but let me tell you that it usually is very effective lol