Am I obsessing?

I am trying really hard to make my relationship with my guy work. I should first say that I also have bad anxiety, ADD, possible OCD and obsessive disorders. Nothing has been diagnosed as extreme but I have been on meds for depression in the past. Anyhow, I met this amazing guy after dating for 2 years unsuccessfully. It hasn’t been that long, only 4 months and we have become so close in this time and have also been dealing with big situations in such a small amount of time. The first situation was his close friendship to a female who he has been friends with since they were 15. They never dated or even kissed and yet I am jealous and envious of his closeness to another female. I have set boundaries and he respects them. I have told him exactly what I want from him with this and he wants me so he has even stopped talking to her at this time yet I still have anxiety and complete obsession over the situation. We are both working on it but I completely obsess about any issues we have until it actually can turn into a panic attack. I have also been drinking a lot in the last few months and having a hard time stepping away. He recently told me he would like to see me party less. I have no problem with working on that but yet again, I am completely stressing to the max about feeling like maybe he will leave me. Just complete anxiety over every problem. Then there has been some other smaller issues we have been dealing with such as me wanting more sexual attention and his smoking the odd cigarettes which I do not like. I find I am often completely obsessing over my relationship and I actually can’t tell if I am moving too fast in this relationship. I tend to feel somewhat fixated on him, what he is doing and preoccupied about our future and what I want. He’s a really good guy and I really want to make it work but I am struggling through this emotional rollercoaster. Am I too obsessed and fixated? Anyone have any ideas?

Short answer: Yes, there is too much focus on this relationship to make you happy.

I know this because I have done the same thing, and some of the things which you mention here I identify with completely. I totally understand the jealously aspect because I would feel the same way in your situation. However, as an outsider looking in, I have to say that I do not feel that it is fair for him to have to put his friendship with someone he has known for so long on the back burner for you. When you want a relationship with someone, and you care for someone, it means that you take them as they are which means that you have to accept their people too. I'm not saying if he was friends with someone unhealthy you couldn't have a say or whatever; that's beside the point. I think you probably get what I mean.

I don't really have much other advice to give you, because I tend to put all of my eggs into one basket too quickly as well. But the problem with this is that you're cruisin' for a bruisin', so to speak. All I can say is that you have to find a way to go with the flow, to find other things to focus on besides him, to make it so he is not the only source of contentment and happiness, or it is too easy to feel hurt by things...like when he pays attention to his female friends.

Good luck.

Take care of yourself first. It's important, self-care. I think you may have more clarity regarding your partner after self-care. That could include a therapist. Be kind to yourself. Try not to self-medicate with alcohol.

I don't have an opinion on the relationship--but it's very important to take care of yourself first. You'll achieve clarity as to your relationship, too, I think. Take care.