[HootJ124633]

Hi! I'll start with some brief background.

I'm a 22 year old college student l and I've had one previous sex-free relationship towards the end of high school it ended about 3 years ago. It lasted for two years and we still talk today on occasion but he was pretty manipulative when we were in a relationship together, clingy, needy, said things that would leave me crying while apologizing the whole time so I always thought it was my fault, etc. I ended the relationship when he wanted to get married and got over him, felt fine, loved my independence.

Skip forward, I didn't date anyone in those three years, still a virgin. I felt no interest at all in dating. Then randomly thought I'd give it a shot with a cute guy from one of my classes who is obviously interested (I know now he is just a walking flirt to any female that breathes which doesn't help me with my feelings now) so I go on one date with him and he was sweet but kinda struck me as weird. Get home and think and then thoughts like these show up (he called me beautiful but he doesn't know ME. He doesn't like me for who I am just what I am. He'd like any woman like this.) I didn't know I was right at the time but still I broke off the relationship and didn't regret it.

Now I'm in a new relationship a couple months later and I REALLY like this guy. We know each other a lot better and we have tons of common interests. We talk to each other easily and agree on almost everything that is brought up. He has a great sense of humor and I find him attractive, I could go on. However, tonight I found myself doing the "what if's" again. What if he doesn't really like me for who I am, what if he is just desperate for a relationship, etc. Is this normal? I haven't told him about my worries or that I'm a virgin. It almost wants to make me back out of the relationship but it's completely irrational because I really like him and the relationship is going so well. I had actual cues last time that something was off and that I should end it but this time it feels like these thoughts are coming out of nowhere at all.

I already feel abnormal because of the lack of dating experience and being a virgin in college at my age, but these thoughts have me worried more than anything else that maybe there is something wrong with me.

Any advice you could offer would be great.
Thanks

[Crazy Hitch]

It's completely normal to ask "what ifs"! It's how we work through things in our head.

But.

You need to answer your own what ifs.

"What if he doesn't really like me for who I am" - I doubt this is the case; you don't seem like a shallow person; you're pretty good at expressing who you are and what you want. I'm sure he's gotten to know you on some level. "If" he doesn't like you for who you are then what is he doing with you? It's not a factor you should worry about.

"What if he is just desperate for a relationship". You haven't suggested anything that would make him come across as desperate. There are plenty of women out there and if he was doing it for desperation he would have left by now.

[HootJ124633]

Thank you. I think it's just my insecurities coming to the surface. I have so little experience that I doubt myself a lot and I am afraid of having my feelings hurt. When I feel strongly about someone it scares me because I am handing trust to them that they won't hurt me with the vulnerabilities I'm providing.

It hasn't been long but the guy I'm dating has still been incredibly sweet and we are doing well. I will place my trust and hopes in him and hope for the best because I really do care for him and we get along so easily.