[gogoyubari]

Hi. First time poster.

I've been depressed & increasingly extremely frustrated / angry / bitter lately, due to:

• Repeated layoffs (7x in 6 years)—not Firings, layoffs as a a disposable cog
• Mounting frustration & disallusionment from the above despite being good at my job and highly educated...I just want to work!
• 12 of the last 14 months unemployed + being alone (unmarried & 45 while all my friends are married with not so much time for me to replace the social interactions from work

I entered "crisis mode" in December due to a sudden "bankruptcy" which forced me to depend on parents to live or become homeless. (who I don't get along with as they are controlling esp. with money) & ashamed of this.

I've broken down into bad tearful crying to friends on a few occasions, am totally open, probably too much so, but prefer talking about others' problems & issues & considered "the best listener" by many friends.

My 2 friends + sister did sort of an "intervention" to help me get help.

NONE of them meant any harm & truly just wanted to help...but it backfired.

I expressed a ton of gratitude but said it wasn't necessary....I didn't want to be resented or being perceived as a crybaby

...also none have any experience w/ therapy, meds (I'm on Effexor & Adderall), or experienced even one layoff, or unemployment, haven't been single since their teens (we're 45). They also have their own issues (my sister is fiercely competitive & critical of me, another is anti- psychotropic meds as a rule.

I was very touched & thankful but repeatedly said I just wanted them to be my regular friends...that just "being there" to listen was of SO much help. They did not agree & proceeded.

I think they were a bit "scared off?" Kept me out of their communications & plans about me, without my input, which made me feel insecure, paranoid & guilty....

but the much bigger problem was that they "labelled" me. They all strongly decided my problems were due to a non-diagnosed chemical imbalance or problem with my meds. This was baseless & showed such a lack of empathy for a legitimately "depression-inducing" situation. They didn't listen to my reasons, which were all sound. (I'd not recently changed meds, receive routine medical care and had 3 opinions. It was the life stress.

They wouldn't listen to me about what I thought the causes were and seemed to have lost respect for my opinions b/c of being "crazy", & felt entitled to be judgemental that I "wasn't allowed" to get mad at one of these friends

This friend loves me & is a lifelong friend, but completely insensitive & harshly said I can't make decisions for myself b/c "I really need help" & "I'm on the wrong meds" & that I need immediately go to inpatient psychiatric treatment... Despite my very good reasons backed by 2 shrinks & my therapist on why it wasn't a meds issue...I definitely need help but just a therapist that takes Medicaid!!! But my opinion didn't matter b/c I was newly labelled by groupthink as "unbalanced"... I started to break down crying.

She has 4 kids so is busy & the conversation took place in her car and ended when she reached her destination. I get she's busy but don't deliver such harsh news in between traffic lights & then abandon the call. I tried calling in the hours that followed to no avail & got angry at abandonment & insensitivity.

I get she is busy but she had time to go out drinking with friends later that night b/c "SHE NEEDED A TIMEOUT" & that it was "TOO MUCH FOR HER".

I then (wrongly) sent her progressively angrier texts as it pushed me even further past my breaking point.

Now they all say they love me but are all backed off saying they need a break, and that I'm "not allowed" to get mad at my friend b/c of the 4 kids (who I LOVE & ALWAYS support & help her with)

I say this whole thing is complete Horse$h!t. Any advice?

[gogoyubari]

I hope I didn't do anything wrong in my post...I know it's probably too long. I just wanted to ask again if someone can please help with some advice? I am so confused