[mdelk]

This one is kind of hard to explain...

I've been in a long-distance relationship for almost 2 years now (our anniversary is in August), and from the very beginning I've had an enormous fear that he'll just get fed up one day and leave. I mean, I've been diagnosed with Autism as well as several mood disorders, and past experiences have shown that no one really wants to be around a person who could switch from happiness to hatred in less than a second. I literally gave a guy the silent treatment for accidently saying "slave" instead of "submissive" when having an innocent conversation about BDSM. So, after about a year I started thinking he might have ulterior motives for staying with me so long. I started looking at emotional/psychological abuse to see if there were any similarities and there were... but it was the opposite of what I thought. The abuse victims all showed the same symptoms that he was showing - loving, selfless, and absolutely certain that the abuser was just damaged due to a past trauma or mental disorder. Whereas I showed the signs of an abuser - lying, manipulative, and controlling every possible aspect of their lives in order to keep the other from leaving. I know myself well enough to understand that I won't change my behavior in a relationship for any reason - if they don't want the real me, then they shouldn't be so close to me. Knowing that I'm abusive just means that I'm unfit for a relationship in general. I've relayed all this to him time and time again, yet he refuses to leave. He has even admitted that he knew I was abusive from the very start. I've tried to leave him before, but I've never even lasted a week before I ran back to him. He's the only person who has treated me with such love and kindness even when I've shown the darkest parts of me, and yet I abuse that love in order to get whatever I want from him. It's not right and we both know it.

So... I need advice on how to convince him that none of this is worth it. He never reads anything I link, he dismisses every example I give him, and he always insists that I can never change his mind on the matter. What do I do? Is it even possible to get someone this stubborn to budge on something so important to him?

[~Christina]

Are you wanting to actually change You're behavior?

Many people with autism and MI in general are able to have successful relationships.

I'm not a doctor but some of youre actions seem more like Borderline personality disorder.

Have you ever considered seeing a Therapist ?

You said it's a long distance relationship, how often are you seeing each other? Weekly? Monthly?

[Erebos]

You can't change others, only yourself.

If you have no desire to change, you either let him go and stay away. Or you let him carry on.
He has made it clear he won't leave. So if you REALLY want him to go then it will be up to you.

The good point is that you were able to recognise what you were doing. And whilst it's a little sad you don't want to change that, really that us also up to you.

The help is out there IF you reach a point that you want it.
Aside from that I wish you all the best, for both of you. Take care.

[mdelk]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Are you wanting to actually change You're behavior?

Many people with autism and MI in general are able to have successful relationships.

I'm not a doctor but some of youre actions seem more like Borderline personality disorder.

Have you ever considered seeing a Therapist ?

You said it's a long distance relationship, how often are you seeing each other? Weekly? Monthly?

Yeah, I've looked at BPD as a possible explanation for my instantaneous mood swings.

I've been seeing a therapist since I was 8 years old but it's mostly to deal with social interactions and learning to hide my swings when I'm in public.

It's actually just once a year that we see each other. I live in Maryland and he lives in Alabama, so I spent 3 days with him last September and we're trying to set up another time for August this year...