Would like some advice, My gf has friends that are gay male friends and it bothers me

I'm back for some more advice and since I received some good advice last time I thought I'd ask for more.

I'm 27 and my gf is 25. We've lived together for a year now and she has these 2 male best friends that she considers gay. She has messed around with one sexually when they were younger and supposedly before he came out. gay friend #2 hangs out with other females and has made out with her sisters and has also tried to get with one drunken night or something like that. This is all info that she says she didn't have to tell me and probably shouldn't have but it's too late now and it's in my head that maybe more might have happened but since I didn't handle this very well she won't tell me anymore if there is anything else to tell.

Here's the problem, She doesn't want me to talk to any female friends because she claims they are straight females and her male friends are gay. This has always been a battle between us and it seems that it will always be one. In 2 months she plans to go on a vacation with her family and it's suppose to be a family trip but the gay friend #2 will be going and I cannot be there, I'm very upset about this and told her if this is acceptable for her than she cannot expect me to keep this mutual respect of not talking to any of my female friends.

I have to get this out real fast. I cheated on her once a couple months ago and I confessed and told her she could leave or we could try to work it out. She stayed and we agreed to work on things and not talk to the opposite sex via phone ect other than work related things and stuff out of our control. She says that she can't trust me now because of me cheating and I can't talk to girls that are straight because of that but it's okay for her gay friend because he's gay. It's not okay with me and from the very begining after I found out that he kisses girls ect... I've not been cool with it and I'm not cool with her going on a vacation with her single bisexual best friend (bisexual is my opinion on him) she fights constantly that hes gay.

Another note is that she never wanted me to talk to my female friends even way before I cheated because she said she always thought id cheat and now that I have she really doesn't trust me.

She still has time to back out from the vacation and as I don't feel that's right either and I feel she does deserve to go on vacation with her family but her family wont make this man not go over her I have to just deal with it.

I have my vacation schedule for the following month after hers and now I can't go because she won't have the time anymore to go with me and I can't go anywhere because my family are my friends and she said I can't go with them without her because she's going with family and not just friends.

Advice would be very great

Ok, to be super honest with you...I really don't think you're in a good spot to be that upset with this right now.

First of all, you kept and keep complaining and worrying about her spending time with men who are gay(if they say they're gay, that's what they are) but in the meantime you cheated on her. You're not necessarily a bad person for cheating but you did break the trust, you broke the "terms" so to speak.

Secondly, you aren't happy with her not wanting you to be around other straight women and you think it's not fair but you actually did cheat, you proved her worries right.

Thirdly, in my opinion you're both having serious trust issues and are somewhat immature in this relationship. Others may disagree, we'll see, but my opinion is that people of all genders and sexual orientations can in fact be just friends with each other. Think about it, do bisexual/pan people have zero platonic friends just because they are attracted to members of any and all genders? No, right? It's the same with straight people, you aren't automatically attracted to everyone around you, even people you find attractive to look at, just thinking someone looks attractive doesn't mean you will feel anything more.
But the biggest issue here is that there's zero trust between you. Hers turns out to be justified, yours probably isn't and tbh it really doesn't matter.

Truth is that this policing of who your partner can hang out with and obsessively following what they're doing all the time, is a sign of deep mistrust and insecurity and it doesn't actually do anything good. Think about it, she doesn't want you to hang out with straight female friends and yet you still managed to cheat. If your partner wants to cheat on you, they will, no matter what "rules" you have in your relationship, no matter how much you both try to always know what the other is doing.

Also, I think it's worth saying that if you feel the only way someone won't cheat on you is if you are setting rules and always checking up on their every move and so on, they may as well cheat because what should keep someone from cheating should just be that they really don't feel like being with anyone else, choosing not to themselves.

I am saying these things not to point fingers but because I think there's a lot of things that you might both want to discuss about your relationship in general and everything, see how things really stand because this right now doesn't sound like something very good for either of you. Also, you might want to think hard and deep (and be honest with yourself while doing it), on why you cheated and what that might say about your feelings for your girlfriend and the all around satisfaction you get from the relationship.

I get that she does not trust you now that you have cheated. However, the relationship cannot continue indefinitely on the basis of you being punished for cheating.

In my opinion, it is unreasonable to say that you cannot speak to female friends.

Her imposing a rule isn't going to stop you from cheating anyways if that is what you want to do.

This is an issue that would be addressed if you went to couples counseling. A good counselor will look not only at the fact that you cheated, but also at what motivated you to look elsewhere. I expect that there is room for both people to do better in the relationship.

Perhaps I do not understand the situation. She is saying that you cannot go with your family because she will not be able to go along, even though she went with hers without you and with her guy friend?

I am not seeing any legitimate reason for her to dictate what you can do with your vacation, whether or not you go with your family.

What do you love about her?

The entire relationship seems to lack trust and maturity. How about you both take a break from the relationship and date others to see if both of you are really ready for a monogamous relationship.

I'm sorry for being confusing. I meant that I don't have family to go with on vacation so my family are friends that I consider family. That means she said I can go with family since that's what's she's doing and the people I wanna go with are just friends, no blood ties

I agree except that if I wanted to cheat on her I would and I don't want to. I learned from my mistake and that is why I confessed giving her the option to stay or leave rather than force her to stay because she didn't know what I had done. Guilt played very little part in my confession.

But as already stated if either one of us wanted to cheat we will. The problem is I don't feel she can tell me I can't talk to a women friend based on her sexual orientation if I can't do the same back to her. Has to go both ways even if I question whether her friend is truly gay or not he's a man.

I just answered this lol right before you posted. Please see the other comment.

Thanks for the explanation about your vacation.

I still maintain that the fact that she went on vacation with family has no bearing on who you go with. I also believe that it is wrong of her to attempt to control your vacation.

It seems that she does a good deal of attempting to control.