[frigidClemency]

This is a problem I've had for years now, but it's recently it has started to differ from normal teenage rebellion.

I live with my parents and my siblings. My parents have never had any huge fights and have lived together ever since they got married with no worries. My mom does most of the work in the house and whenever she and dad does have some kind of argument, its just her complaining about how he is very messy and how he never tries to better himself at it, but you can hardly call it more than a reoccuring conversation.

My problem is that I absolutely loathe everything about my dad. I don't want anything to do with him at all. I never feel secure when around him, when we sit together at the dinner table I try to place myself as far as possible away from him. I don't know when it started exactly, since it begun during the classic "parents don't understand anything" teenage phase. And I am sure its not part of it, cause I got out of it a while ago, and I feel super comfortable around my mom, but my dad just makes me feel icky. When I am near him or stuck in a small space such as a car with him, I always end up almost coughing up air right after breathing it in cause it feels "infested" by him, my mouth even starts an overproduction of saliva and as soon as it touches the air I don't want to swallow it cause it too feels contaminated. I also catch myself clenching every part of my body in fear of him touching me.

I have tried figuring out what it could be, but to no avail. Just looking up the Wikipedia page for "father complex" (didn't know exactly what it I was and wanted to see the definition) makes me gag and I physically try to move away from my phones screen because it makes me think of him.

I feel as if I must just be overreacting and be overly dramatic about everything, but deep down I just resent him and can't get it out of my head. The worst part though has to be that I cannot recall him doing anything bad, the worst he has done is yelling and walking very overflowingy furious manner when arguing with me. I also was told once from my aunt(his sister)'s daughter who is around 15 years older than me how when she was younger he once threw away her favorite stuffy animal and made fun of her for it, maybe there is just something in his behaviour that makes my instincts go haywire but it feels so small and like it shouldn't be a problem.

It has gotten to the point where I have tried to stop doing most things he asks me, even if they are simple I just feel disgusted by making him happy or receiving praise from him. I don't want to have a conversation with him about it (or mom for that matter, she is great, but not in this forte, she'd involve him and tell him about it even if I begged her not to) because I am unsure I'd be able to stay in the same room as him or let alone listen to him for that long, but it doesn't feel like a thing I can talk to a therapist about since it feels so petty and without a reason. If there is something that has caused this that isn't some long forgotten memory that has left my head but not my senses that could explain what is happening, just some small advice on how to go about it, or if anyone has experienced something similar, I'd be grateful to hear about it.

[Bill3]

it doesn't feel like a thing I can talk to a therapist about since it feels so petty and without a reason.

Loathing one's father is not petty. It is a significant concern that would be good and important to examine.

We don't know right now if it is without reason or not.

I would favor speaking with a therapist about it.