[girlinterruptedbee]

My boyfriend will make mistakes, but he will never own up to them. Instead, he manipulates the situation and makes it about how I did something wrong or could have done something better. He will use my traumatic childhood, my PTSD and OCD against me to prove his point that I am just unreasonable. I have been told by other people including my therapist that I am reasonable and a highly-functioning person despite what I have had to overcome. So I feel like he basically mind ****s me.

My mom was emotionally and physically abusive to the men she was with. I am not. I have actually been on the receiving end of the abuse in past relationships, so I don't know why we butt heads so much when I am not aggressive. The issue that I have with him is that he will say that he won't do something, and then he will break his word, and somehow it's my fault: It's my fault because I am insecure. It's my fault because my expectations are too high. It's my fault because I am an **** person. Blah, blah, blah.

I am always the one in the dog house. I always have to be the one to apologize. If we see things differently, I have to be the one to always swallow my pride and agree with him and apologize. That is not the kind of person I am. I feel like he doesn't respect me, because he yells and cusses at me when we have a disagreement. I gained weight recently due to depression and another health issue and have been very discouraged about it. I used to be very petite, and get a lot of compliments about my body and a lot of attention. He'll throw my weight gain in my face and call me "fat-*** *****" or "cow."

When I cry, it just makes him loathe me more. I am very sad because I feel like I wasted my early twenties. When I got into the relationship, my life changed. I had to change the way I dressed because it was "slutty," I had to stop going out and dancing "because you are not single anymore," and I had to cut ties with guy friends that he felt were interested in me.

I honestly feel like I would have been a more successful person (my career goal has been prolonged, I am in debt now, and I have gained weight) had I stayed away from him.

I think you would have too… You are not seeing him anymore right?

[girlinterruptedbee]

He is my boyfriend, I said.

He sounds very controlling and abusive, from the way you describe him in your post. Tell me, why have you been with your boyfriend for five years if he is that emotionally abusive to you? Why do you stay with him? And...what will it take for you to leave him?

Sorry are you willing to leave him…

[Crazy Hitch]

Your have lost all sense of your self identity and self worth.

I think you need to put some very clear boundaries up in place as to what you will; and will not tolerate.

And if he can't accept you being who you are; and not putting up with his behaviour; I'd consider leaving ...

[Bill3]

What do you like about him?

Why do you stay?

He sounds like a typical grade A narcissist.

I would leave him ASAP if I were you.

[Trippin2.0]

Sounds just like my abusive ex, except mine had the decency to be subtle about his control, was smart enough to know verbal abuse would have me running in the opposite direction immediately, and lead me to believe the changes he was insisting on, was for my benefit.

My early 20's were a complete mindfcuk and I was too naive to recognize thr abuse until after the fact.

Oh that and at the end of the 5 years I got beaten up, when I insisted on autonomy and independence.

You are in an ugly situation, things are not going to get better, they're just going to get worse, he's mentally and emotionally abusive, I hope you realize you deserve better.

[MickeyCheeky]

Wow, he sounds like an awful person please, get away from him as soon as you can

He has abused you for so long that you are used to it. get out now because he will never, NEVER, change and it will only get worse for you.

[TishaBuv]

Maybe because your mother was abusive to her men, you have in turn found a man to be abusive to you.

He is very narcissistic and abusive. You are not married to him and do not have children with him. Get out now!

Why would any woman let a man call her a fat cow? I'd be so gone!

[jkrs08]

Originally Posted by girlinterruptedbee

My boyfriend will make mistakes, but he will never own up to them. Instead, he manipulates the situation and makes it about how I did something wrong or could have done something better. He will use my traumatic childhood, my PTSD and OCD against me to prove his point that I am just unreasonable. I have been told by other people including my therapist that I am reasonable and a highly-functioning person despite what I have had to overcome. So I feel like he basically mind ****s me.

My mom was emotionally and physically abusive to the men she was with. I am not. I have actually been on the receiving end of the abuse in past relationships, so I don't know why we butt heads so much when I am not aggressive. The issue that I have with him is that he will say that he won't do something, and then he will break his word, and somehow it's my fault: It's my fault because I am insecure. It's my fault because my expectations are too high. It's my fault because I am an **** person. Blah, blah, blah.

I am always the one in the dog house. I always have to be the one to apologize. If we see things differently, I have to be the one to always swallow my pride and agree with him and apologize. That is not the kind of person I am. I feel like he doesn't respect me, because he yells and cusses at me when we have a disagreement. I gained weight recently due to depression and another health issue and have been very discouraged about it. I used to be very petite, and get a lot of compliments about my body and a lot of attention. He'll throw my weight gain in my face and call me "fat-*** *****" or "cow."

When I cry, it just makes him loathe me more. I am very sad because I feel like I wasted my early twenties. When I got into the relationship, my life changed. I had to change the way I dressed because it was "slutty," I had to stop going out and dancing "because you are not single anymore," and I had to cut ties with guy friends that he felt were interested in me.

I honestly feel like I would have been a more successful person (my career goal has been prolonged, I am in debt now, and I have gained weight) had I stayed away from him.

It sounds to me like your bf may be a narcissitic manipulator. You may want to consider leaving him, and get your life back together.

[~Christina]

Regardless of the how or why he acts this way is really not important , what is important that you find someone , (Therapist most helpful I think ) help you get out of this abusive relationship safely and then work on yourself to help you see that you deserve love and respect , something you're not getting from him , at all.

Be strong

[Rose76]

If the two of you are living together, then you may be continuing to think of him as your boyfriend simply because it seems complicated to either leave or ask him to leave.

You are unhappy being with this man, and that is not going to change. He is not going to change. I can't promise you that there is a wonderful man out there who you will find and have a happy life with. But there might be. Staying with this miserable butthole gives you no hope of a good future. Being alone, IMHO, would be better. At least you would be available to someone nice and loving.

If you settle for crap, that's exactly what you'll get. Don't settle. Write it off as a learning experience and move on. You'll cry for awhile (for a lost dream) and then you'll thank yourself.

You fell for this guy because you lacked experience in judging men - yes judging. You do have to be judgmental in deciding who to partner with. Maybe you thought you shouldn't judge, but just be understanding and open to love. Well, you see where that got you. Time for a radically different approach to life and love.