I Really Need Some Advice

I have decided that I'm going to come clean to my wife because my wife deserves to know the truth and I need to face the consequences of my actions.

Best of luck to you.

Sometimes, just coming to a decision can be a large part of the battle. Your wife's initial reaction may be extremely upset, but allow time for her to get past the initial shock. Don't expect her to forgive and forget in one day. Getting through this can actually build a stronger marriage. But it will be a process.

In no way, do I want to suggest that you not take responsibility for your behavior. You have to do that. However, think back to how you ended up alone in bed with this other woman, and ask yourself if she somehow engineered the encounter from the get go. Don't make excuses for yourself, but consider whether this woman had a plan to seduce you, or it just unexpectantly happened. Either way, you're responsible for your behavior. But think carefully about the extent of manipulativeness that this woman employed. Even if she is not pregnant, she may not be done trying to cook up trouble. Both you and your wife need to present a united front toward whatever further craziness this person might try to inflict on you.

Your wife has two disappointments to face. You let her down for one. Secondly, if she truly considered this woman a friend, she has been badly betrayed by her. She will be asking herself "Why?" Don't presume to have all the answers, but she may want details on how the situation occured, so she can sort out what this woman may have felt about the friendship and how much she did, or didn't, value it. I know that would go through my mind. I'ld kind of care who put the moves on who. There is such a thing as giving a person too much detail, but sometimes it's relevant in getting a handle on people's motivation. Like - were either of you drinking? How much forethought went into this? You need to think that through, yourself, before your wife hits you with questions. Something makes me wonder if this woman didn't have a goal of having this happen. Not saying that would make you innocent. Just wondering what her larger plan might have been. You seem to love your wife and want your marriage. You don't seem to have deep feelings for the other woman. But ask yourself what put the bee in her bonnet that getting in bed with you was something she was going to go for.

I hope your wife and you can work things out. I've known people who faced something like this together and did get through it okay, but it did take a good while.